Thursday, April 15, 2010

How to Make Love Like a Gay Man

Okay, this blog is for the ladies, inexperienced Gays & curious straight guys who want to enjoy having Gay sex. I'm going to be sharing the tricks of the trade on how to satisfy your man, from a gay mans point of view.  I'm sure we've all heard this expression, "only a guy knows how to satisfy another guy" , so if you're reading this blog hoping it's going to be dirty, nasty, and informative, then keep reading.  If any of you do decide to use these tips, always play safe and use protection.

1) DC.  First, do a dick check.  Before you even think about fucking around with a man penis, grab it and feels for bumps or anything else strange. Bumps will indicate herpes and if his crotch smells than that means he has bad hygiene.

2) I'm not gonna lie, most men like the middle finger up the butt. An old friend told me the anus has a bunch of nerve bundles centered around the hole and this is what makes the anus very sensitive. For the ladies who've never noticed, when a guy is thrusting from behind, he's not thrusting with his dick, he's actually thrusting from his ass, so if you've ever noticed from behind, that's why his ass cheeks are clenching when he's thrusting, he's actually pushing with his anus g-spot, which tightens with each thrust, the simple fact of having a finger up there, causes some serious tension which makes him push harder and thus making him shoot his load a lot further and a lot harder. Some guys like it, some guys don't. The only way to find out is to stick your finger up there and see what happens. If some of you are asking yourselves, does this make my man gay if he begins to like it, no, but if your man starts wearing your pantys on the regular, then yes, he's hella gay. SPECIAL NOTE - a lot of men don't like to wash there asses thoroughly so don't let that detour you, if you do it and he likes it and he wants to you to do it again, then tell him he had better wash his ass the next time!

3) This one has been tried and true. Ladies, do you know why straight men like to sneak around behind your backs with us gays? It's because they know we give the best blowjobs. And not just any ole blow jobs either but the best. Now here's what you do, this one is called the wash and blow. Basically, grab a beer or soda, or any drink that has carbonation in it, first, take the cold can or cold bottle and press it up against his dick, the cold sensation from the can/bottle is going to make his dick rock hard if it already isn't, then take a swig of your drink and then do down on your man. The men fuckin love this, they love the sensation of the bubbles on there penis and can't get enough. Some of you may have to practice this one and don't worry about the drink spilling down the side of your mouth while you're blowing him, if anything, he'll like it more because it makes you look like a dirty slut, which they love. After he blows his wad in your mouth, it's your choice to spit or swallow.

4) Pre-Cum. When guys get turned on their dicks get hard and secrete pre-cum, its usually just a little bit right at the tip of the penis.  When guys secrete pre-cum this is how you know they're ready to fuck.  What I like to do before any kind of intercourse begins, reach into pants or underwear and gently grab his cock, then with your thumb rub his pre-cum starting with the head and begin to lather the rest of his penis.  The guys love this and actually get harder.

5) Keggles. I know most OB's tell women to do these exercises after they give birth to tighten there pussy's back up, so why not use those same keggles exercises in bed to blow his mind? Really ladies, it's surprises me how many of you don't know about this. I was giving this talk to some gals I use to work with and they said when they tried it, they noticed a change in his breathing during intercourse. Absolutely, their breathing changes because you're controlling the penetration with your kung fu grip vagina. Try this and you'll notice his breathing will change ever time you twist and turn his penis inside your sugar walls. And really, when you get the hang of it, you can do this from any position you want, you just have to remember to clench your pussy while his dick is inside of you and to keep twisting around, remember these words ladies, (clench, twist, pull, release, repeat...) Obviously you can also do keggles with your anus too otherwise how would I know this?

5) "How do I take a big dick" , I'm glad you asked. Well really, taking a big dick can be very dangerous if not done correctly. Honestly, the first time I got poked, it hurt like hell and I cried. I never wanted to do it again and fortunately for me, I had this hot Italian guy school me on the way to having good anal sex. Now pay attention ladies, this isn't just for anal, this is for the vagina's too, especially if you're a virgin. The best way to take a big dick for the first time is to straddle your man while he's laying down on his back, and then you're going to slowly mount his cock like you're riding a horse. Before you do, make sure his dick and your vagina/asshole is well lubed. Now here's the trick, tell him all he has to do is just lay there. You're in charge, that's the key. You're going to gently slip his big cock up your pussy/asshole very slowly and take as much pressure as you can. If you feel a slight pain, then go back up, and try again. Then keep repeating those last steps until his entire cock is up your pleasure garden. See how this works? This should only take about a 1 minute to 2 minutes to adjust, and then after that, you can do it in any position you want, literally. For the advanced, no lube is needed for a regular sex partner because your walls will have adjusted to his dick size.

6) Ladies, guys do not like a dead lay. So if some of you ladies are inclined to lay there and not do shit, your problem isn't screwing, it's being lazy.

7) If your man needs help on how to pleasure a woman, please direct him to a butch lesbian.

8) Cut or Uncut?  Men with their original foreskin are referred to as uncut, men who were circumcised at birth are referred to as cut.  Generally speaking, men are who are uncut last longer in bed.  The extra skin around their penis makes them work harder to bust a nut.  Strangely enough when you give an uncut guy a blowjob you'll notice hes extra sensitive down there.  For those of you planning on going down on uncut men, beware of dick cheese.  Some uncut men don't take care of their penis's and wash it thoroughly.  Men who are cut shoot their cum faster and last only 3 minutes.  However, there are some men who are cut that can fuck for hours.

9) Ladies, I didn't list this above because I know most of you will never ever ever do this but men love their assholes licked. I'm not going to lie, men fuckin love this. But because a lot of guys don't wash their asses properly, I wouldn't advise doing unless you know him and know he has good hygiene. Some of you may have noticed men like to do this to you and its because women take better care of there anatomy, am I right? Another taboo why most women will never do this is because the fear of being labeled a dirty ass slut or having your man never respect you, let alone ever looking you in the eye again. The only thing I can say to that, I have always felt that women are the more dominant gender, and when you lick your man's asshole, thats your way of saying, "I'm the one whose in charge, you're the bitch, not me" . And I love making eye contact when I see them days later because that's how you own it.

10) Toys. The best gay sex I've ever had with another man was when he was fucking me in the ass and reached around and jacked me off at the same time. Ladies, you will never know how this feels because you're not equipped. On the upside, you can simulate this gay sex act with your man. Some guys want their girlfriends to fuck them in the ass with a strap-on or a dildo. For those of you who do, I suggest taking your boyfriend/husband to an adult toy store and pick out a nice strap-on for his pleasure. I say start small, undoubtedly your man won't be able to handle a rubber dildo more then 4' inches but if he's feeling adventurous, fuck it, get the 8' incher. If you do decide to go with a bigger dildo, refer back to #1 & #4 above on how to take big dick, go slow and give him time to adjust. So, as your slowly fucking him with a strap on, reach around and start stroking his cock. This really is a great anal sex act, if you don't believe me, watch how far he shoots his load across the room when he cums. You can also change it up, you can also jack him off while fingering him, using a dildo on him, or using strap-on as described above.

There you have it, a few years back I wanted to give women this sex talk seminar from gay man's point of view at Good Vibrations, which is a national dildo store that promotes healthy sexual relations but I guess they weren't interested, their loss.

p.s. don't forget to play safe everyone, use rubbers and good judgement!