Sunday, January 31, 2010

Status Updates

For the past minute, I've been leaving personal messages on all my favorite facebook peeps and since there's too many of you, here's the jist of all the messages I was going to leave you guys:

1) OMG, you look skinny in your default pic!
2) OMG, look at my default pic, don't I look skinny?
3) I'm missing you right now.
4) send me some frybread
5) did I ever tell that you your man made a move on me back in the 90's?
6) I really do miss you!
7) Bitch, you ain't that stuck to be up, stop by and say hi sometime!
8) You are very dear to me, never forget that!
9) I always knew someday you'd make an awesome mom!
10) seriously, invest in some tweazer's!


Saturday, January 30, 2010

It's Doppleganger Week

It's Doppleganger week and here's my Doppleganger. I don't know how many times people told me I look like Pamela Anderson.


Keep It Real

I love my white men but I love my brown men even more!
I'm going to bed and here's who I'll be dreaming about - Mario Lopez !!


Thursday, January 28, 2010

Price is Right Revisited

Hey ya'll, Juicely just sent me this photo from our trip to L.A. this past summer. Here's me and Andrew Housman, *Blackfoot & Omaha* , who made it all the way to the showcase round. Here he is showing off the his name card from when they pulled him from the audience to be apart of the show.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Stop Wearing Fur You Bitch !

CHICAGO (AP)—Friends of Animals posted an open letter to U.S. figure skater Johnny Weir criticizing him for having fox fur on one of his costumes and asking him to stop wearing fur.

And here's what Miss Johnny Weir had to say:

"I totally get the dirtiness of the fur industry and how terrible it is to animals. But it’s not something that’s the No. 1 priority in my life,” Weir said on Tuesday. “There are humans dying everyday. There are thousands if not millions of homeless people in New York City. Look at what just happened in Haiti" .

I'm not sure but it sounds like Johnny's not giving up her fur.


Trying to be a good human

Just came back from SF and we did a comedy fundraiser for the Hope Flight Foundation, which shuttles sick children free of charge through out CA, NV, and OR on small airplanes.

We had a great show tonight. Thanks to Doug Harding/CEO and Micheal Chua/Board President of Hopeflight for organizing the show.

Thanks to Sherry Wilson and Pera SF for donating Gift Certificates from there restaurant.

I'd also like to thank the crowd for coming out to support the event on a Tuesday. I didn't think there'd be a strong showing because of the Sketchfest events and with everyone being tapped out from the Haitian donations but a lot of people came through.

Lastly, I'd like to thanks the comedians for donating there time. Tony Sparks, Sheila Bryson, Kelly Anneken, Sandra Risser, Toby Murescianu, and the sketch group WHM.

Alright, if you guys are't doing anything tommorrow Wednesday evening, *1.27.10* check me out Neyom Friday's BlogTalkRadio Show! The shows starts 6pm Pacific time and you can call in or just listen. I hope you guys call in because I'd love to hear from you yah'll!

Call-in Number: (646) 595-3155


Monday, January 25, 2010


I told everyone this is the year that I'm going to get my anus bleached, if anyone is wondering why, just look at the picture to the right - that's why.

In other news, NBC is bringing back Last Comic Standing Season 7. We'll see if I can get a pre-booked audition for that so I don't have to wait up all night in cold, so everyone wish me luck on that.

Oh yeah, I'm definitely going to the Gathering of Nations Powwow this year. I'm putting in to perform on the Stage 49.

Also I've been trying to put together a blog for and the production has been a lot harder to put together than I thought. It mostly has to do with time and interest of other people. I'll probaly have something up this week. I'd love to break into Vlogging for

It has been brought to my attention that my myspace blogs haven't been deep and personal as they use to be. That's only because I'm trying to protect my privacy. I'm sorry to all my blog readers who use to tune in and read my weekly trainwrecks . I guess life has gotten better and I have less to complain about.

I can only say that when my life doesn't go the way I want it to, I promise to spill my beans to you all. But just so you guys know my blogs aren't about a series of mishaps and misfortunes, I'm promise to blog about the stuff that makes me really happy too. Here's to the up's and down's of life.


p.s. If any of you would like to share something about one of your favorite blogs that I've written, please share it below in the comment section!

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Kindness and Compassion

Kindness and compassion go a long way. Here's a tweet that just made my day. I hope it makes your guys' day too!

@DisarmingRain "Be Kind to Unkind People - they need it the most" That's the most beautiful thing I've heard in a while. Me-Gwetch! xoxo

More from Adam Beach

OMG, did anyone listen to the podcast from my last blog?

To listen, all you have to do is click the link from my last blog and it should play automatically.

I still can't believe I got to talk with Adam Beach, I've been such of a fan of his work for a long time. One of the main reasons why I like him is because we're from the same tribe - Anishnabe. His Anishnabe people are from Canada, same thing but they talk with that heavy Canadian accent.

Neyom asked me to be on her show next week, so instead of spilling my guts like I usually do on my blog, I'm going to wait until this week to blow my wad on her show about Adam Beach. I can tell you this, it's going to be a very entertaining show. I think all the radio shows I've done have really prepared me for this.

Alright, here's my man one more time. Well, not really. He's married and has a family but he's still a sweetheart in my book!


Adam Beach

Who wants to listen to me flirt with Native Actor - Adam Beach. I was the first caller! Click the link below!

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Current Bio

Charlie Ballard is a Two Spirit comedian, leading the next wave of alternative comedians. Charlie's comedic style can described as a blend of physical, slapstick, sass, wit, and some good old fashioned nonsense. Charlie's been seen on Comedy Central, LOGO and has been featured in National publishments like Campus Magazine, Indian Country Newspaper, and the Advocate Magazine.
After finishing college, Charlie almost entered UCLA as a grad student but decided to pursue a career in stand up comedy instead.
This past year Charlie moved up to headlining colleges and casino's and is looking forward to breaking into other entertainment mediums such as film and television.

23 Days In

So far it's 23 days into the New Year and I'm doing pretty good sticking to my resolution. Notice I said resolution and not resolutions. That's right, just the one.

It's been 23 days without soda and I'm doing alright. Hopefully that crap should've been flushed out've my system by now. It's going to be a long while before I pick up another can of soda.

How's everyone else doing on there New Year's Resolutions? Whatever it is you promised yourself to sitck to, I hope it's working for you. I know it's difficult to break old habits but the important thing to remember is that you're trying, so don't give up. If you fall off your plan, that's okay because tommorrow's a new day and start over.

After saying that, I feel like I'm slowing turning into Richard Simmons. I love that old queen, she's so motivational and inspirational. Keep it real Richard! ♥

Stupid Stupid Stupid

I must be up to my old tricks again because I found this guy's facebook profile by accident. Seriously, I wasn't looking for him, I was looking for this other guy on this girls facebook friend list, and then when I found the 1st guy I was looking for, I was like fuck that, let me go back to the, "accidental" , guy who was giving me mad goose bumps.

I really wish I could drop names but I've played this game before and it never ends up good.

Shit Shit Shit...

OMG you guys, you guys should've saw the pics of the, "accidental" , guy. He had some pretty dope pictures of himself. Damn, I just wanted to download them, print them out, slide them under my mattress, go to sleep and dream about the energy of him and those pictures. I call that the Charlie Ballard love spell. If anyone decides to try this at home, just make sure that if you do it, check under your mattress to make sure there's nothing under except the pictures because one time I did it and there was this an old cookie wrapper I forgot to take out and then that same night I was having "hot" dreams about cookie dough and chocoalate chips. Don't ask.

Anyhoo. To make a long story short, I'm still sprung over the, "accidental" , guy. You know what it is, I need to fuckin grow up and stop living in a fairytale world. My personal escapism's is fucking up my reality. The first time I saw the, "accidental" , guy, it was a couple of years ago at a Haskell Basketball game. I knew who he was and just wanted to see him play. So while I was sitting there, I looked over to my right to check him out and guess who was staring right back at me. It probaly wouldn't of been a big deal but he when he was staring back, he has this inquisitive look in his eye that was alluring. I don't know, there's just something about him. I think I'm still sprung on this guy. Does anyone remember the blog about the Mexican line cook from my work who changed right in front of me by the ice machine, well, I think the only reason why I'm attracted to the Mexican line cook is because he looks like the, "accidental" , guy. Ain't that some shit. I better not get anywhere with the Mexican cook otherwise my world is seriously going to be fucked up.

Alright, I'm turning in, it's late.

Oh yeah, I did the "Stand Up for Haiti" , comedy benefit show in Fairfield tonight and had a great time. We raised over 400$ for the Haitians. Every penny counts!


Thursday, January 21, 2010

20,000 Baby!

It's milestone time again. Thanks again to everyone whose been stopping by to read my blogs. Today I hit 20,000 myspace blog hits. That has to be a record for me. It took me almost a year and half to get to the first 10,000 hits and this last 10,000, it only took me a couple of months. I've been averaging like 500-700 hits a week now. Gheez, I use to get happy if I got 100 hits a week or close to 200 hits a week. I'm guessing I have a lot of repeat readers. I also have a lot of readers who aren't my myspace friends and that's alright. The fact that you guys take time out've your busy schedules to see what I'm doing is really cool.

I'm so happy right now I could just poop.

Let's see, what'd I do today? Work was really slow. I made a little bit of money from work this week but nothing to pull my panies up and down about. We have another convention coming in next week, hopefully we'll do better with that one.

Tonight I performed at the Polenge Lounge in SF. That room has turned into a pretty fun room to work out in. I wish I could've told more new jokes tonight but I guess I'll have to crack those out later.

This Thursday I'm driving up to Fairfield, California to participate in a comedy benefit for the Haitians.
It's called, "Stand Up for Haiti" .

Then next Tuesday I'm doing another comedy fundraiser for the Hope Flight Foundation in SF.

I've been doing a lot of comedy fundraisers lately, that's cool. I'm going to be doing another one in March for the Alameda Sports Club.

Also, I'm going to be performing at the Jon Lovitz Comedy Club on February 19, 2010. The Jon Lovitz Comedy Club is at the Universal Walk Mall right next to the Universal Studios Theme Park. If you're in L.A. come check me and Tina Kim out! I'm going to be the feature comic that night so check me and the crew out, please myspace me to get on the guestlist.

Alright ya'll. You guys are wonderful. Stay safe, keep warm and remember to help other people when you can!


A Special Blog to all my readers !

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Her Again?

Before I went to sleep lastnight, I told myself to dream about my soulmate, then I dreamt about Margaret Cho. Is this considered stalking?

For this blog, I'm going to try and remember as I much as I can. Everything else is pretty choppy but the scenes with Margaret are still resounding in my head.


So, somewhere in my dream I see Margaret Cho in the distance. She's surrounded by people and my first impulse is to ignore her and keep walking. But I was with my mom, my mom, knowing full well of what she use to mean to me early in my career, played one of her tricks, walked over to her and brought her to me. And then I was forced to say hi.

Then I remember sitting down with Margaret on opposite sides of a small fence. We were talking about something and I just felt the impulse to be catty with her, so I said something bitchy and then pulled the fence gate down on top of me and then I pulled it back up and said, "just kidding" .

Then the next thing you know I was walking her to a club where she was going to perform. This is where we parted ways. I knew I wasn't going in and nor did want to.

So right after, I was walking down the street and I found a journal with all these jokes in it. I knew right away it was Margaret's journal and wanted to return it to her. I peeked inside and I told myself not read anymore than what I already saw.

So as I walking back the club, I told the gate people that I had Margaret's journal and wanted to return it to her personally. So the security people escorted me backstage to where she was in holding. There were a lot of people back there. If I didn't know any better, I'd say the show was going on in the green room.

So Margaret was sitting there and I said, "here, you left your journal" . I don't remember but I think she look relieved. And I think I told her I didn't read any of her jokes because I knew reading her journal wasn't any of my business.

Then I said, "see ya later" , and walked out.


I don't think it takes a dream interpreter to find the hidden meanings in this dream. I use to love Margaret Cho like no other but it all came crashing down after meeting her. I think I fell in love with her image than more the actual person.

Do I still want to know her, not really. The stand up comedy business is full of whacko's and I still can't get over the way comedians treat each other. So rather than treat her like a fierce rival, I rather not know her at all. And to be honest, I don't really have any fierce rivals because there aren't too many other stand up comedians that have given me any reason to feel otherwise. Seriously, you have to be pretty damn good to make feel jealous. And for the handful of comedians that I know who are better than me, there's no animosity towards each other what so ever because they know that I love and respect them with all of my heart. ♥

But yeah, all ego's aside, I think the next time I dream, I'm just going to concentrate on asking on myself to dream about a soulmate whose a dude, goodlooking, whose got a big one, who just wants to put it in me and make me happy. Because really, that's all I want.


Monday, January 18, 2010


I know I'm supposed to like Lady Gaga because I'm a big fag but fuck that. I have my own favorites and here's more from one of them!

This song has a killer congo beat and a dope hook! For those of you who like to smoke Ghanja, this would be one of the songs to jam to! Go M.I.A. !!!

Letter to the Editor

Hey ya'll, here's a letter to the editor I responded to in the SF Weekly. My response is below.

Shedding Light on Public Sex
Less scoring, more goals: I'd like to respond to Alastair Bland's "Balls in the Wild" [Sucka Free City, 1/6]. I live about a block from the southwest corner of Golden Gate Park. I'm excited by the project, because our sons love soccer, and soon they'll have a world-class place to play in their own neighborhood. But I'm also excited because the improvements to a long-neglected corner of the park will invite increased positive use by families, athletic teams, and fans, which will in turn, I hope, discourage negative use.
Our neighborhood's best-known secret is that the woods from the Murphy Windmill, extending north around the soccer fields and up to the Park Chalet and east up to roughly abreast of the Boat Park Playground, has for decades been an area where folks cruise for anonymous al fresco sex. This is a 24/7 proposition: Even on recent cold nights, a dozen or so cars are always parked along MLK, and shadowy figures furtively move in and out of the woods. On a warm night, there can be as many as 30 cars along those stretches. This sketchy clientele draws prostitutes, hustlers, pickpockets, and muggers into our community as well.
Bottom line: The southwest corner of the park is an unpleasant, occasionally dangerous area that most folks down here tend to avoid at any time of the day or night. While certain critics of the project may object to more lighting from the field and increased traffic from soccer fans, many of us feel a little more positive activity would be a welcome improvement.
John Zwolinski
San Francisco

I would like to repond to John Zwonlinski reponse to "Balls in the Wild" , (Sucka Free City, 1/6)
First, I would like to say it's gay men who frequent the windmills. There's no need to tippy toe around which specific group cruises for sex in and around the bushes near the windmills.

And whoever wants to put up lights to detour these unwelcomed visitors, well then good for them. But will this solve the problem of gay men finding another outdoor area to romp around looking for sexual indescretions, no.

The underlying theme to this issue is equality. The next time you see the issue for gay marriage on the ballot, I suggest you tell all of your friends and family to support this measure to the fullest because this will in turn end the need for cruising for sex in public places by gay men.

For centuries gay men and there admirer's have had to search out dark alley's, backrooms, parks, truckstops, stairwells, House of Congress, and various other places to escape the social tyrannies that plague our society.

So as long as gays and lebians have to suffer social inequality, you're just passing the problem on to someone else.

And yes, lesbians do have places they cruise for sex too, it's called Open Mic Poetry Night.
Comedian Charlie Ballard

Saturday, January 16, 2010

The Grocery Bagger

I'm going to dedicate this blog to Marlo Root. On my facebook profile status update I said that the kind've guys I'm into are NBA players, Wrestler's and grocery baggers. She totally raised her eyebrow at me when I dropped grocery baggers. And I was like what.....? I think grocery bagger dudes are hot. Here's a picture of one of the guys I'm talking about, doesn't she look thrilled that she has a hot guy bagging her groceries?

My Ultimate Dream Man!

I'll be honest, I'm more in love with Randy Orton's body than his face. Is that bad? The first time I saw Randy on the WWE, I wanted Randy to body slam me, and he's just the man to do it!

I have only one word to describe Randy - Gorgeous!

Back off ladies, this one is mine!

Why aren't you gay?

Milo Ventimiglia from the NBC series - Hero's

There's lots of straight guys where I could care less if they were straight, gay, bi or whatever. But there are just some guys who are so dang cute where I have to ask myself, "Why aren't you gay" ? Milo's a cutie who makes me wish I was size 0 and had BFF's that call my Muffy.

France Doesn't Play

Sometimes I like to blog about some serious shit, espeically with what's going on with this Muslim woman who France has denied citizenship because she wears a burqa. France said that her “radical” practice of Islam is incompatible with basic French values such as equality of the sexes. Ain't that some shit?

And check this out:

The woman, known as Faiza M, is 32, married to a French national and lives east of Paris. She has lived in France since 2000, speaks good French and has three children born in France. Social services reports said she lived in “total submission” to her husband. Her application for French nationality was rejected in 2005 on the grounds of “insufficient assimilation” into France. She appealed, invoking the French constitutional right to religious freedom and saying that she had never sought to challenge the fundamental values of France. But last month the Council of State, France’s highest administrative body, upheld the ruling.(Religion News Blog)

I can see where the French would be upset. They have laws where both sexes are suppoed to be equal and clearly, her role as a traditonal Muslim woman doesn't uphold to the French standards.

Too bad. I say if she wants to live in France, then it's time to become liberated. If she doesn't like it then she can move back to where being a submissive is not frowned upon.

I can just imagine how the Muslim culture must make our U.S. feminist blood boil. Speaking from my Native cultural background, our system is based on the Matriarchal method which basically means the women are the boss. If any of you have never heard a Native woman speak, you're missing out some of the world's best articulate, heart felt, passionate, voices you've ever heard in your life.

Tiger Scandels Fade

Talk about a major shift in the newspaper reporting. Tiger has not been seen anyhere in the major press outlets recently. I'm sure he's been thinking, "Wow, what a huge relief" . I hope Tiger's learned his lesson from this whole fiasco, probaly not. I'll just bet if anyone's gained anything from this, it's the women in the service industry because they know if Tiger's been known to sleep with waitress's, then they know they have a chance to get it on with other professional athletes too.

Gay Anthem

Hey Hey Hey! It's Friday night and I had a really great day. The Advocate magazine emailed me this afternoon for a phone interview. It looks like I'm going to be in the March issue. I'll be in section, "Really Cool Jobs" . I had some pretty nice things to say. I wonder what the reporter will quote and won't quote? Hmmmm.

In lieu of this super fabulous event, here's a song that use to pick me when I'm feeling down. Go Martha Wash! Luvvsss her!

Friday, January 15, 2010

The Situation

Instead of being called, "The Situation" , I think this guy should be called, "The Deal" , because I'm trying to see what the big deal is? Granted, he's nice to look at but like 35 ft. away. I'm not being negative but I have to judge this douche bag compared to what's already else on the market and ladies, this guy is trouble.

For one, I don't trust any man who has better eyebrows than I do.

Secondly, I hate how he points to his mid-section like that's the best thing about him, maybe it is?

I don't see much personality in him beyond his hand mirror. I'm guessing his bed sheets are smeared from that fake bake tan and I just bet he has a mirror above his bed, not because he think's it's hot or kinky to look at the girl but because he wants to look at himself while he's boning her.

Another thing too, he looks really sexed out. Like he's been passed around too many times and can't keep up. He should look a lot younger for his age but he honestly looks like he's in late 30's trying to hold onto his 20's. I'm sure with all the partying he's done, it's taken a toll on him.

At the end of the day, would I bone him, no, because he's not the intellectual type. He doesn't have the cerebral capacity or emotions to deal the complexities of the brain. I know a bunch of my women readers like to play mind games with there men and those tricks wouldn't work on this guy because there's nothing going on upstairs and probaly downstairs too?

Lastly, for his future press pics, instead of pointing to his abs, he should be pointing to his head because I'd very surprised if anything was going on up there.

The Jersey Boys

L-R Syphilis, Herpes, Erectile Dysfunction & Bareback


So I'm guessing because people watch, "Jersey Shore" , it's a hit show. Again, I'm 35 and am totally out've the loop because I don't watch the show. I stopped watching MTV in the 90's. But has that ever stopped me from blogging about shit I know nothing about before, no.

So this next batch of blogs, I pulled down from the web of who I thought was the most interesting cast members from "Jersey Shore" . You guys ask how could I know whose the most interesting from, "Jersey Shore" , without ever even watching a single episode, easy, it's because I'm gay and I know how to read.

I use to do this a lot in Jr. High with my brother's yearbooks. Even before I set foot on the school I was going to attend, I use to flip through his yearbook's and try to read all the upper classmen that I was going to be going to school with.

So, 20 year's later....I'm going to use those mastery skills of people reading and give you guys a description of the, "Jersey Shores" , cast members.

First up is Nicole, also known as Snookie. Of all of the girls on the show, she's the easiest on the eyes. Besides being really pretty, she's rockin a fierce Bridget Bardeau hair style from the 60's. I can tell beauty and style run deep in her family, as well it should, she's a knock out. I don't like her fake boobs though. She could probaly do without her big boobs because big boobs on any girl always take away from there really cute girly outfits. I have yet to see one cute top on a girl with big boobs. Sorry for all those ladies out there with really big boobs, they just don't make cute tops where it's not all about the boobs.

Let see, what else. I can tell that she's a brat, home grown and very attached to her family. Her eyes say she has a really great heart and wants to have a big family. I predict 4 kids from two different daddy's.

Thursday, January 14, 2010


OMG OMG OMG! I was watching Wendy Williams and she had Adam Rodriguez from CSI Miami on her show. He was on CSI for 8 seasons and now he's moved onto Ugly Betty with Vanessa Williams. I really say that like Ugly Betty is all about Vanessa Williams, it's not, about what's her face, America something... Anyhoo, back to Adam. OMG. He is so perfect for me. He's is the right age, has the right skin tone, facial features, and everything else. Please lord send me something like Adam Rodriguez fast! xoxo


OMG, are you serious. My myspace blog counter is already @ 500 hits and it's only the middle of the week.

Will this be the week that I finally get a 1000 hits in one week?

I also will be coming onto another myspace blog milestone soon. I will have reached 20,000 myspace blog hits overall since I started blogging on myspace. I don't know, I think that's amazing! It seem like within the past couple of months my readership really picked up out've nowhere.

My ultimate goal is get 1,000,000 hits per day like that blog juggernaut Perez Hilton. She gets a lot of hits because she has dirt on celeb's. I don't have celebrity juice on nobody, the only celebrity juice I ever get is if I'm in some bathroom in Hollywood and get see the shadow of Drew Carey's penis. And really, who wants to see his penis?

Anyhoo, so far I've been averaging a 100 hits a day. Wow, awesome! I don't care if I reach a million or not. ..... er.. uh.. okay yes I do !!!

I can't imagine whose been reading my blogs lately because I have more hits than I do myspace friends. So whoever you are, Thank You! You know, I like to hear from my readers, please feel free to leave a comment. Except for my BFF "Juicely" , because that girl will leave a comment whether I tell her to or not, and then leave another comment, and then leave another comment... and then leave another comment.. LuVVS ya Girl !!

Hey Juicely, are you coming down to L.A. next month? Let me know so I can put you down on the guestlist!

Alright ya'll,

p.s. if no one knows what Juicely looks like, here's a vintage picture of her, that's her flossing her winter jacket in my kitchen, adorable-


Hey Hey Hey !! Alright ya'll, here's Kesha, I saw her performing tonight on the Jimmy Fallon show. I've heard her song before on the radio and tonight I finally got to see what she looks like. Okay you know how when Madonna first came onto the scene everyone thought she was black because her music had a fierce R & B groove to it, well with Kesha, I knew she was a big whitegirl all the way, and that's what made me like "Tik Tok" , even more. To me, she's like a whitegirl version of JJFad. We'll see if she can stick around a lot longer than those 80's pop queens, Kesha's fun and I hope to see more of her!

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Help Haiti

Hey Guys, I'm sure the all of you have heard about the devastating earthquake that Haiti recently. That whole incident reminded of the quake that hit the Bay Area back in 1989. So I know those people could use our help.

Text "HAITI" to 90999 to send an automatic $10 donation designated to relief in Haiti

The Red Cross is also receiving money through a third party mobile fundraising effort sponsored by Mobile Accord (mGive). Mobile donors can text "Haiti" to 90999 to send a ten dollar donation to the Red Cross. The funds will go to support the Red Cross relief efforts in Haiti.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Millionare Matchmaker

Does anyone watch the Millionaire Matchmaker on Bravo and remember the sex toy guy Dave Levine who had a stripper pole in his house? Anyhoo, I ran into him by accident on facebook while looking for another Dave Levine and we've been sending each other emails, don't get too exicted, it's not that kind've thing. And besides, he has a girlfriend, it looks like he didn't need Patty's help after all or did he?

This is off subject but I've never used a dildo in my life, maybe this is a sign?

Also, don't forget to stop by his sex toy shop!


Does anyone follow M.I.A. ??
She's English of Sri Lanken descent. She's is soooo not top 40 and that's why I love her.

OMG, I tried to embed her video code but her music label isnt' having it. Here's the link to one of my favorite songs by M.I.A., it's called "Boys" . It has a dope House Jungle beat to it. It makes me move like I haven't moved in years.


Colette Car

Okay dig these apples, one of my old comedian friends is dating this girl in L.A. She's not just any girl, her name is Colette Car and she recently had the #1 video on MTV recently. I must be getting old because I have no idea who she is, either that or my DJ's at the gay disco's haven't heard about her either. But you guys be the judge, tell me what you think. I think she's alright, I'd like to hear more from her.

Here I come L.A., sort've

Hey ya'll, I'm coming back down to L.A. for a show next month, if you're in the area, come check it out! I'll be on the Friday night line up only with the Tina Kim Show!

When in Rome

I'm still having a tiff over that whole Fabrice Fabrice thing. I was telling my mom that it seems like the only way gay comedians can make it on to Comedy Central is if we make a gay caricature of ourselves.

So, being the sarcastic bitch I am, tonight I birthed a new stage gay persona called Sandwich.
Sandwich was fun. I did sandwich twice at two open mics in the Tenderloin and the audiences loved it.

The reason why this character came into being is because I want to prove to everyone that gay comedians can do a better job at impersonating gay caricatures, after all, if it wasn't for us, they'd be no gay jokes.

Will this ruin my chances of trying to get a legitimate tv credit on Comedy Central, probaly. But honestly, has Comedy Central made my career what it is up until to this point, nope. Who knows, I'm just going to figure out another way to get myself out there to the masses!


Monday, January 11, 2010

Fabrice Fabrice

Hey, here's a newflash! I just got through watching a new gay comedian on Comedy Central. Well, not really, his real name is Nick Kroll and he did a gay character that is really funny, here's his Fabrice Fabrice character clip from youtube:

And you all know I had to send him a note on youtube, here it is:

Dear Nick:

I just saw your Fabrice Fabrice character on Jon Oliver's New York Stand Up Show, you killed it sweetie, I loved it! And even though you just set back all the gay comedians 10 years, it just might be the thing that opens the flood gates open for more gay comedians on Comedy Central.
Good job and see ya around!

Not Racist, Just Pissed

Howdy Partners! I'm in a venting mood so I'm going to vent. It's probaly not going to help that I've been sick with the flu and now a cold for the past month but out it must come.

Not racist, just pissed. I hope I didn't put any of my non-natives readers off with my last blog comments about White people. For anyone not in the know or who hasn't been reading my blogs, lately I was talking about how people can be two faced and I was saying that was a White person attribute. That statement isn't entirely all that true. I've run into many two faced people from different places. I was just generalizing and was probaly using Whitey as the scapegoat. So my bad to all my Vanilla chai peeps out there! I can't help it, I think I might be one of those ethnic people who blame all my shit on white people, can you blame me?

Speaking of race, lately my comedy has been veering away from the race topic because it can make some of my comedy audiences feel uncomfortable. So these past two years I've been concentrating on being more goofy and silly. And besides, I think it's the comedians job to make sure there audiences forget their daily troubles and not be reminded of them.

But since this is my blog, I want to share some of my personal experieces about race growng up in the Bay Area. As many of you know, I attended Native boarding schools from 14-29. And that's all I've ever known since I graduated from college. When I wasn't away at school and hit my 20's, I really really really tried to socialize with other groups like the Black queens in Oakland but most of them were so unfriendly to me. I always went to the Bench and Bar every sunday to watch the Black dragshow showcases. And everytime I'd strike out trying to get to know any of them. And then at the same bar, they had the Latin Explosion themed night on Friday's, same difference. I'd go there every Friday and Lambada with those Mexican queens hoping to befriend several of them, and notta. But of course, do you guys know where my social clique happened to me, it was at Native boarding schools. I can't keep telling you guys about the kindness and compassion that Native people have for each other. Maybe that was the problem. Maybe it was because I wasn't Black or Mexican that those social cliques wouldn't open their community to me. Back then I did have white dragqueen friend who I was cool with. Her name was Angel and that girl was a handful. She was pretty much the only white dragqueen who hung out with the rest of those black dragqueens. She really was my in with them and after she took me and Juicely to Ho stroll, we got to know some of the other girlz. I really do miss Angel, I haven't seen her in years. Most likely she's either in jail or dead.

Tonight, I walking through the Castro I saw this Black dragqueen that I should've been friends with a long time ago. And we just walked by each other without even a wince. That's really where this whole blog was inspired from.

I know, some of you guys are like,"why did you want to hang out with dragqueens in the first place, wasn't there a knitting group you could've joined or something" . You guys are right but back then I didn't know any better. I was young and attracted to the glitz and glamour of stage performance. It wasn't a total loss hanging out with the Black girls, by watching them time in and time out every Sunday working the stage, they're the ones who taught me how to have nerve and how to be fearless in front of a crowd. And tonight when I saw that girl, I really wish I could've told her that, but what would've been the point? We're all older now and have different lives. And now that I have a life, I'm going to fight for what's mine, as I know they would too. Let's see, did I learn anything from hanging out with the Mexican queens every Friday on Salsa night, hmmmm, let me think? Actually yeah, I learned from those girls where to find a really good taco truck.

Alright ya'll, I feel a lot less guarded and lonley than I did before, thanks for sharing this with me. And as far as me hanging out with different social groups, I think I can calmly say that I'm still open to getting to know all kinds of people and hopefully the all of you guys will have the courage and openess to return the favor, not just to me but to everyone else too!


My favorite Native Pin Up !!

Hey everybody, here's my favorite Native Male Pin Up Man - Wasey Lamar. You can find him on my facebook friends list and yes, he still looks like that.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

The Suga Nasty Show

Hey good people! Just got home and I had really really really great time tonight! I did the Suga Nasty show at the IL Pirata tonight in SF.

The Il Pirata is a decent size dive bar somewheres in the Potrero Hill District in SF. Tonight's show was an all female line up but I got to sneak on the show because I'm part girl. I had so much fun on stage tonight. The highlight had to be when I dragged this cute guy on stage and pretty much got to grope him in front of his girlfriend. *I so love what I do* Here's the flyer from the show! I'm not on it because I was the surprise guest but still, I love the flyer. Don't these girls look so sweet!♥

As promised, I'm really trying to stick my New Year's resolutions. I told myself that I would try to, "dress it up" , more for my shows and of course, wouldn't ya know it, another comedian - Nancy Lee wore the same outfit tonight, she's the Asian girl on the flyer way to the left. When I saw her, I was like, "oh hellz no girl, you need to go home and put on a little skirt or something cause honey this is my new look" . But she did look adorable.

After the show I had a merchandise war with two other comedians, they brought their t-shirts to sell too! So knowing the super ultra competitive person I am, my prices were so low I was practically giving my shit away. It's more important for my stuff to be floating around in the public rather than staying hidden in my suitcase.

After the comedy show, it was off to the castro to floss my new look. OMG, I got checked out several times, which was this total new thing for me. Usually when I go to the Castro, queens see my puma sweats coming a mile away and they just keep walking with their snooty little noses up in the air. I even had the door guy at Boy Bar check me out. I think he was more fascinated about how I put my ensemble together. If I looked really comfortable tonight, it's because I was.

The only negative tonight was when this old queen was dogging me out because I hanging out with a new friend. See, it wouldn't be an issue if my new friend wasn't a hottie but my new friend if freaking hot. So were just standing there and that old queen walks by and was like why is he hanging out with you. Wow, are you serious? And see, that queen who walked by, I sort've know him from - I tried talking to several times online and he turned out to be snobby in person just like his profile.

So when I started seeing this old queen around "in person" , he just plays stuck up like he is online. I'll never understand why people act like that, especially when they're in their 40's and they should know better. See what I get for being attracted to gay men in their 40's. But I digress.

Alright ya'll, here's to 2010, it's starting off great, minus the stuck up trolls.


Friday, January 8, 2010

Gay Soup

What's on my monthly planner. I just pitched a new Vlog pilot series to, we start shooting next week. It's going to be different from my Vlog interviews, this new show will be a cross between Talk Soup and SNL. It should be lots of fun with some very funny cast members. I think it's going to be called Gay Soup. If anyone has a better name for a show, I'm open to suggestions.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

2010 New Years Resolutions

1) To go to less open mics and to spend more time writing. I've always been a strong supporter of the comedy open mic scene in SF and now it's time to pass the torch to someone else. Instead of always showing up and watching other comedians, for this year I'm going to really concentrate on my joke writing skills, which I like to think I'm pretty good at. Recently, I got the point where jokes have been coming to me as random thoughts or ideas, which is cool. But there's a lot of ideas that I've been avoiding and I need to churn those thoughts out.

2) No more soda products. I let my body enjoy the wonderful carbonation flavors of Coca Cola for the month of December. So now I'm going through the body withdrawls from having all that caffiene and sugar in my body. It's hard, it really is. I stopped drinking soda after college and every now and then, I'll take a swig for old times sake, but no more of that, I'm done again.

3) To be less sluttier than usual. I can't help it, sometimes it's fun to be a slut.

4) To pick up where I left off from 2009 and makes lot of money doing stand up comedy. I love great paying gigs. And yes, whoever paid to bring me in, they definitely got their money's worth.

5) Also, to continue to give the people my best. No slacking here.

6) To eat better in 2010. My main staple diet is pretty unhealthy and I want to live an old life, so more brown rice and vegatables for me, and in case anyone is wondering, yes, that's the same diet from Showgirls, well really Nomi Malone was all cheeseburger/fries/soda, but she still worked it.

7) New wardrobe. I bought my first pair of jeans in a long time. Those fuckers were tight as shit but nonetheless they felt good when I put them on. I have a new stage look so I'll be dressing up more appropiately for shows now. I hope this new personal theme last longer for years to come.

8) To sodomize and seduce the main werewolf lead - Taylor Lautner from the Twilight: New Moon movie. Trust me, the next time you see him turn into a werewolf and running in the woods, it's going to be from me chasing him.

9) To make time and visit with all the wonderful Native people who I went to school with. I still miss you all very much! No joke, *tear drop*

10) To do more television work!


Tuesday, January 5, 2010

The Dirty Truth

I can't pretend to front. Sometimes doing comedy makes me sick to my stomach. Don't get me wrong, I love what I do but there's a darker side to stand up comedy and it mainly has to do with the weird competitive rivalries and jealous fits that stand up performers have for each other.

I can stand crooked bookers, finicky audiences, or even the occasional slutty comedy club food runner who doesn't return my calls but if it's one thing I won't tolerate, it's a moronic stand up comedian. Before I start getting all politically correct, I totally understand we're in the business of being professional jack asses but I think many comedians take themselves way too seriously. I call it the Idiot Syndrome. To a point it messes with their ego, superego, id, or whatever you want to call it. Somehow stand up comedy opens up their inner asshole and then we as their peers, have to deal with them. It's only in stand up comedy do you see these bizaar transformations take place. It's make me wonder if people treat each other like this in other occupations?

For me, I decided a couple of years ago not to associate with any comedian who I think is emotionally unstable. That's what prevents me from falling into that comedic cycle of self loathing, it's so unattractive.

I still remember my first night hanging out at the Punchline Comedy Club and watching the, "regulars" , strut down the aisles like there shit didn't stink and all I could think to myself was, "what a dipshit" . I knew this wasn't a geographical phenomenon because on my first comedy outing to L.A. I experienced this weird emotional backlash from another comedian. I just got through auditioning at the IceHouse, did really well, and went to Culver City for an open mic. While signing up I saw this guy who was at the IceHouse audition too and right as I was going to say hello he just snarled at me. I guess. And so that's when I began to clue myself in that most comedians aren't "all there" .

I feel sad for all comedians who fall into that mode. I think they're missing the point of being a stand up comedian. What pains me is when I see veteran stand up comedians who've been doing it for years and then they take their bitterness out on the younger comedians. I guess that's because they couldn't cut it as a successful comedian and have to release their angst on the hapless or unsuspecting. That's show business for you.

This goes without saying that not all comedians are sociopaths. I've met some pretty nice people while doing this and I can always tell from the very first impression if they're whacko or not.

My general rule for meeting new comedians is that if I sense one ounce of attitude than their ass can keep walking.

There are some stand up comedians that I do tolerate, only because I have to, but for the most part, I'd say there's only a handful of stand up's that I actuallly feel comfortable socializing with.

Thank God I have real friends. I was smart for spending most of my 20's making real BFF's all over Indian country. Because most of those friendships are ever lasting, that's what I love about Indian people, they know how to keep it real. I feel sorry for the other comedians who feel they have to lie and put on faces to each other to be friends. But that's White people for you. Like that one queen said on the judging panel of America's Next Top Model, "that's how we all get along" . And all I have to that I say is, "whatever" .

Earlier this summer another comedian accused me of being a shitty comedian. Then later on in the Fall I found out that same comedian was selling defective merchandise and severely underselling themselves as professional entertainment. It's funny how karma works itself out.

There's a lesson to this blog, don't be an asshole because it will catch up with you.

Gods Speed

Monday, January 4, 2010

Cruising for Sex Blog

This in response to James Kirchick's article, "Cruise Control" , in the November 2009 issue of the Advocate magazine. James asks if cruising for sex is apart of gay culture. Yes it is. If it were not for the kind open sexuality for gay cruisers, than I'd still be a virgin. For most of my life I've been considered, "less desirable" , by other mainstream gays. I suppose when the elite 5% of goodlooking fags decide to take the stick out've their ass about who they date, that's when gay cruising will become passe'. By the way, Lesbians have places to cruise for sex too, it's called Open Mic Poetry night.

Comedian Charlie Ballard

Dear Stalking Victim

Dear future stalking victim, please go home so I don't end up seducing you. I was only attracted to you tonight because you look like somebody I use to work with. And when I found your myspace profile, who knew there was a Superman under those Clark Kent glasses. Please leave soon otherwise face the awesome power of my krypotonite booty! xoxo

One Word

Thanks to everyone who posted a comment on Facebook! This was one of those random questionaire's floating around on facebook land, I snatched it up and asked my facebook friends to leave a comment. And thanks again to everyone who did. Sometimes it's hard getting knocked around in the business and these nice comments are a reminder to myself why I should just keep plowing a head!


Charlie Ballard THIS SHOULD BE INTERESTING. Lets see how honest FB friends are. Leave a 1 word comment that you think best describes ME. It can only be 1 word. No more than 1 word. Then copy & paste this post on your wall so I can leave a word about you.This should be interesting... Wonder if I have 20 brave friends who will do this.....
December 31, 2009 at 2:09pm Only Friends · Comment · View Feedback (17)Hide Feedback (17)
Christa Dixey and Angela Rae Diaz like this.

Martina Badoni
December 31, 2009 at 2:10pm ·
Greg M. Asdourian
December 31, 2009 at 2:11pm ·
Toni Genia Smith
December 31, 2009 at 2:18pm ·
Dean Inouye
December 31, 2009 at 2:25pm ·
Angela Rae Diaz
December 31, 2009 at 2:49pm ·
Shugert Matthew
December 31, 2009 at 3:18pm ·
Jennifer Fox Bennett
December 31, 2009 at 3:40pm ·
Christa Dixey
eccentric :)
December 31, 2009 at 3:48pm ·
Cy Denison
December 31, 2009 at 3:49pm ·
Jason Vann
December 31, 2009 at 3:50pm ·
Beau Brown
December 31, 2009 at 5:09pm ·
Gallup Pride
Fabulous! (Oldie, but goody) Happy New Year!
December 31, 2009 at 5:12pm ·
Saint Mike
December 31, 2009 at 6:52pm ·
Aurora Mamea
December 31, 2009 at 10:11pm ·
Ethan Orloff
Fri at 12:41am ·
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Saturday, January 2, 2010

Vers-ace !!

Welcome to one of my most favorite movies of all time - Showgirls. This movie may not have been a box hit but according to MGM, Showgirls is one of their top 20 money making movies all of time. Most likely because it's always getting played on Vh1 or Showtime.
I love this movie, it's soooo glamorous, street, trashy, sophiticated, hyper-feminated/masculated, kitche', and just so darn campy.

And then there was that Lesbianonic tension between Crystal and Nomi. Personally I'm not into women but Gina character's Crystal made my beaver wanna get waxed.

Happy New Year's !

I am currently watching the stage play version of, "Victor,Victoria" on the Ovation network. The Ovation is like Bravo but gayer. It's actually not that bad. It makes me regret not being a gay theater actor.

Why couldn't the Native queens I grew up around have been into theater and not volleyball? I'm sure that would've made a big difference on my future hobbies. But then again, out've all the hobbies I learned from playing with the girlz, the one I kept with me the most was learning how to keep fierce eyebrows.

I think in my next life I'm going to be a lounge singer. A female lounge singer to be exact. I haven't decided yet if I'm going to come back as Whoopi Goldberg's character from, "Sister Act" , or a muppet.

Well guys, I'm keeping this blog short tonight. I'm on my way to SF to watch Greg Proops at the Punchline.

If I strike out there, I'm heading over the castro to work my new feax-hawk & eyebrows!

Happy New Year's all!