Monday, August 1, 2011

Up in Smoke

Wow, I'm so fucking glad July is over. I'm pretty sure my lungs are glad July is over too.

I pretty much spent the entire month smoking up a storm on Camel Crush cigarettes. I tried the new red bold flavor Camel Crush pack and thought those were too strong, they gave me such a headache.

I'm happy I still have enough will power to drop smoking when I want to.

I seriously quit smoking cigarettes when I was 19. (Circ 1993) And when I say seriously, I mean I can put them down without craving them or having them spin my life out've control.

Since 93, I've probably been backsliding on cigarettes for more than a couple years, mostly because of religious reasons and funerals, lately it's been because of stress.

The last time I stopped was November of last year and that was when I was stressing. And to be honest, for the life of me I can't remember what I was stressing about? I think I had more to stress about this year when I wasn't smoking.

This last time around my smoking binge was inspired or should I say triggered by my cousin Allison in Virginia Beach. I wanted to spend time with her and thought what a better way to socialize with her then over a Newport.

I'm trying to figure out how I would classify myself as a smoker, maybe a casual smoker?

Smoking hasn't fucked my life up like alcohol did but yet I'm okay with smoking casually.

I enjoy it, there's something relaxing about blowing smoke out've my mouth, it does make me feel cool, and this is probably going to kill everyone reading this but it also gives me something to do.

I know, I know... what a flakey excuse to be active.

Smoking also brings the hypocrite out've me.

For instance, when I home I hate the smell of smoke and I detest any smoke odor coming from my brother's room, so when his smoke disturbs my sleep, there's hell to pay.

But when I'm binging, the smoke odor all over my hands and clothes is the last thing on my mind.

Do you know what's funny, my horoscope said to go on vacation or take a break from my everyday routine and that's exactly what I've been doing.

So that's what I did, I gave myself a one month stretch to smoke my brains out. One month is good because I plan on being active again and I really don't want to smoke long enough where it drys out my face and gives me wrinkles faster then I want them.

Since quitting yesterday, I know I'm going to miss getting some good sleep because for the past couple of weeks I've been dreaming really good.

There's something about tobacco that puts my ass to sleep and makes my dreams vivid and clear. Recently I had a good one where I was with I was my Hualapai family and we were swinging on these long vines from a tree. And I remember feeling the joy and happiness knowing we were all together having fun, even a friend who recently past was with us.

A while ago I met this South American guy I met online said his Indigenous culture believes that when you smoke tobacco, you requesting to talk to your God, maybe so because my dreams have been becoming more spiritual lately, which is fine.

So I guess when the tobacco and nicotine finally leave my system, I'm gonna go back to dreaming about my usual things, hot dogs, cottencandy and hot gay men.

Have a good one everyone!


1 comment:

  1. Hmmmmm? Camels? R U sure it was Camels you were smoking with your cousin?

    Aunt B