I'm pretty sure I'm done with love, atleast the kind I've been looking to share with another guy.
Could it be my unreasonabley high standards thats been fucking me up all along? All I'm asking for is someone nice, tall, athletic, good looking, big cock, in shape, independent, loyal, a self made millionaire, horny for me, loves the way I fall asleep in his arms, you know, love.
I blame psychic Sylvia Browne for juicing me up with hope, she basically said, if you want a guy, you need to be specific about what you want in your guy, if I were anymore specific I might as well be asking for a certain blood type and for that matter AB-, because thats the rarest, and the rarest usually means the best.
I thought I experienced love in high school, circ 1988, when I was trying to fuck the big jock on campus but as it turned out, he was bisexual and was already fucking everyone else. Its probably a good thing we never had any kind of sex, that probably would have messed me up emotionally. I mean really, I could barely get over throwing away one of my favorite green sweatshirts.
Years later I would find this first crush on facebook and he looks like everyone else our age. I'm sure hes fucked around on his wife because most men don't change.
For a long time after high school, I really didn't lust after anyone that hard. There really wasn't anyone I met who gave me those strong feelings until Haskell and this time around, these feelings didn't stem from the sexual plane.
It wasn't lust at first sight, circ 2000, when I first saw him, nothing. I really didn't feel anything because he did nothing for me, I just thought he was another Cherokee asshole White boy from Oklahoma.
Anyhoo, this guy was pretty sneaky. I'm pretty sure he wanted my attention and they only way he knew he could get it was if he went out of his way to peak my interest and he did. I'm pretty sure he knew he wasn't my type. I think he liked me because I was intellengent, queer, opnionated, and a real Native. We had a class together together that semester and I think it gave him a boner everytime I spoke in class.
It really didn't dawn on me until the semester was over that he was crushing on me. I remember sitting in class, listening to Dr. Wildcats lecture, and then my mind slowly started to drift about him and I was like, "oh fuck, he really is into me isn't he...." . And just as I realized that, I peered over towards his direction to see if it was true and he was covering his eyes with his hands, as if I didn't know I distracted him.
To make a long story short, he turned out to be social status fucker. He only befriended me because I was just another target on his hit parade to becoming well liked within our community and apparently being friends with the, "Big Gay Guy" , on campus helped his cause.
This guy was really smart and as it turned out, really manipulative. He said, dressed, acted, and probably fucked his way to where he wanted to be. The only reason how I've been keeping tabs on him is because his stupid wife keeps posting pictures of him on facebook, something about shes proud and loves her husband, whatever bitch, he only ended up with her because shes got the blood quantum and gave his children that precious brown hair real Natives have, hello girlfriend, you just got freaked by someone who is cold and calculating.
And honestly, I was never sexually attracted to this guy and I'm still not. I just got played by him because he won over my feelings. Luckily I have this default within my system that says if your love is real for me, then you have to prove it to me, which he did. Its a good thing I made him prove it in a variety of ways otherwise I would have shortchanged myself. And wouldn't you know it, he showed his true colors to me and thats how I knew he was false.
Like I said, most guys don't change, his wondering eye will get him in trouble like it did before, its just a matter of time before his wife catches him red handed and not by her fault, it will be because he wants her to catch him, so she'll leave him. I know this fucker and how he thinks. Hopefully she knows witchcraft and will hex his ass if it does happen.
So these are my experiences with love. Oh yeah, there was a guy that I casted a spell from the Haskell yearbook but thats another story. And besides, casting spells really isn't fair to other people but then again love isn't fair either so why not.
Its no wonder why I always attract so many male hustlers, maybe they can just see that I'm done with love, void, and if I truly want this love fantasy then I'm going to have to pay for it, shit.