Charlie Ballard Facebook Updates

I got some late night writing in, enjoy.

- White people are really good at playing Monopoly because they've been playing Manifest Destiny for the past 500 years.

- Its a cultural thing when you're playing monopoly with somebody who lands on the utility bill and says, "we can do without this month"

- In the new version of Monopoly Native Americans with Casinos own half of the properties on the board.

- I hate playing monopoly with people who land in jail and then intentionally not bail themselves out because they're waiting for time served.

- Attention straight guys, if we're playing monopoly and you intentionally buy Baltic Ave because you're planning on bankrolling everyone with your hotels, you're not getting fucked.

- That awkward moment in your A.A. group when everybody in your circle knows you're going to talk about anal sex.

- If anyone would have told me 20 years ago that I'd performing comedy in the same bar where I use to give handjobs, I would have aimed higher.

- In a room full of bottoms, I hate being the manliest guy in the room.

- Lesbians fuckin love Bruce Springsteen, I went to his concert and it was a sea of David Hasslehoff haircuts and sweater vests everywhere.

- I'm not shallow, its just that all the cute guys I'm attracted to don't have a lick of salt in their brains.