Sunday, December 2, 2012

Charlie Ballard Facebook Updates

I got some late night writing in, enjoy.

- White people are really good at playing Monopoly because they've been playing Manifest Destiny for the past 500 years.

- Its a cultural thing when you're playing monopoly with somebody who lands on the utility bill and says, "we can do without this month"

In the new version of Monopoly Native Americans with Casinos own half of the properties on the board.

- I hate playing monopoly with people who land in jail and then intentionally not bail themselves out because they're waiting for time served.

- Attention straight guys, if we're playing monopoly and you intentionally buy Baltic Ave because you're planning on bankrolling everyone with your hotels, you're not getting fucked.

- That awkward moment in your A.A. group when everybody in your circle knows you're going to talk about anal sex.

- If anyone would have told me 20 years ago that I'd performing comedy in the same bar where I use to give handjobs, I would have aimed higher.

- In a room full of bottoms, I hate being the manliest guy in the room.

- Lesbians fuckin love Bruce Springsteen, I went to his concert and it was a sea of David Hasslehoff haircuts and sweater vests everywhere.

- I'm not shallow, its just that all the cute guys I'm attracted to don't have a lick of salt in their brains.     

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