Monday, December 3, 2012

Why won't you fuck me?

Which is what I always ask myself when I see the other guy comedians around San Francisco.  I know all of them are straight but statically theres a chance a couple of them could be curious.

I've been doing comedy in the Bay Area for 10 years and not once has another guy comedian asked me to fuck him, I mean gah, I haven't even been felt up or offered whiskey dick.

Its not that I want to whore around with any of the guys in the SF Comedy scene, it just hurts my ego to have them think I'm not available.

When I began serial dating a long time, this lady gave me some advice, she said, "if you want to increase your dating prospects then you need to join a club, a gym, or be socially active" , and she was totally right because if I were a straight woman doing comedy I would have been totally fucked by now, I know this because a lot of them are getting their freak on.

I take that back, in 2005 I did get hit on by this cute straight comedian.  We were coming back from a gig in San Mateo and he put his hand on my leg and said, "I think I might be gay" .

Unfortunately we had a 3rd passenger in the car otherwise he would of got a bjay on the freeway right then and there.

Whats weird about that, our friendship was never the same after that.  He eventually went on to get married and become fat.  I knew I should have went for the kill.

There was another comedian who gave me a ride home once and I flat out asked him, "why won't you fuck me, do you think I'm ugly" ? And he said, "no, its because I have AIDS" .  I looked him in dead in the eye and said, "thats fucked up, if you don't want to fuck me, then you should say you don't want to fuck me, you don't have to lie to my face and say you have AIDS" , and thats when I found out he really had AIDS.

"Well how about a hand-job then" ?  Of course we didn't have sex, we ended up talking about his status for the rest of the night and to this day, we have become great friends.


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