Yup, earlier this year I was named into the Top 100 Gay Bloggers by a gay website.
I really hadn't used this current notoriety until this past Thursday when I was asked to be a comedy judge for this years San Francisco International Comedy Competition in Oakland, California.
So when the emcee introduced me to the crowd and listed my credit above, I gave them all a nice princess wave.
As someone who is supposed to be tapped into the beat of the LGBT community, heres some useful general advice for my LGBT readers and inquiring minds:
- Fuck as many people as you can, if you should be so lucky to settle down with another person, all the sexual experience you gained by fucking strangers will have made you a great partner.
- Stop soliciting advice from under achievers unless you plan on being an under achiever yourself.
- Stop reading your daily astrology and start making decisions for yourself. If you bought a lottery ticket because your daily astrology told you to do so than that makes you a sucker twice, once for actually believing anything your daily astrology says and twice for actually believing you'll win the lottery.
- If your teenage daughter keeps singing Katy Perry's hit song, "I Kissed a Girl" , around your house then theres a good chance shes going to grow up to be a big dyke, start dealing.
- Haters are going to hate. And never, and I mean, never let them stop you or make you believe you can't achieve your goals. Theres no greater satisfaction than completing a lifes dreams and being able to rub it in their faces.
- Life is too short so don't short change yourself by not experiencing what life has to offer. Learn a new language, travel somewhere you'd never go, do something that you would never do, live.
- Performing a good deed is food for the soul, donate your time to a charity, you'll feel good about yourself, I promise.
- Never compare your life to anyone elses, you have your own destiny to fulfill, filled with your own choices, fate, karma, and the unknown.
- Live and let live.
- The old bubble gum, girl next door Miley Ray Cyrus was way better than the current slutty, "twerking" , Miley Ray Cyrus.