Thursday, October 17, 2013

Tour Guide

For those of you following my updates, you know that I'm putting in my two weeks notice and will no longer be a Tour Guide.

The main reason why I'm quitting is because this job is too close to what I do professionally, which is entertaining people.  This wouldn't be such a bad job if I got paid more money but thats not the case.  The tour bus company I work for actually lowered their wage for their Tour Guides as I joined so that already told me they don't value what their Tour Guides do.

Another reason why I decided to quit, I had this old lady on the bus tell me that being a Tour Guide must be my calling because she really enjoyed my tour.  That super pissed me off because being a Tour Guide is not my calling, being a stand up comedian is my calling.  If GOD called me tomorrow and told me stand up comedy wasn't my calling and to get back on that bus, than yes, I absolutely would.  I also didn't spend the last 10 years of my life studying comedy to make 12hr. plus tips. 

And then of course one of my family members had to chime in and tell me that being a Tour Guide was good for my comedy career because I got to interact with people and come up with material.  I hate to bust my Aunt's bubble but I come up with material at anytime, with anyone and anywhere.

Even though this job sucked up all my time away from the comedy open mics, my improv skills with my bus passengers more than made up for all the missed stage time.

Its no coincidence that I picked up very quick as a Tour Guide and became very popular with our passengers in such a short amount of time.  It showed in the tips, hugs, & photos that the people wanted to take with me.  I never asked anyone for a hug because thats just creepy but when the first lady asked, I was like sure.

In just my 2nd week there the people were saying to me I was there best Tour Guide that they all day so hearing those nice comments made my heart soar.  And then the bus drivers kept giving my mad props because I was making money for them too, which of course they liked.

So this blog is going to be about some of my favorite moments working as a Tour Guide in San Francisco this past Summer.

- I got fuckin dark.  Being out in the sun all day burned my skin and I haven't been this dark since I was River Guide with the Hualapai River Runners ten years ago.

- My co-workers were a lot of fun, many of them are artists as well!

- One of the pro's about working as a Tour Guide is that I get to spend time with people from all over the world.  My favorite riders were from Australia because they were the friendliest and their men were usually pretty hot too.  I mean hello, isn't Actor Chris Hemsworth from there?

- Heres a snapshot of the Golden Gate Bridge at dusk, I have never crossed that bridge so many times in my life until I started working as a Tour Guide but I have to admit, I never got tired of crossing it because the views was always spectacular.

- Now, even though I got some pretty great reviews, I did get one bad write up from this girl on who was looking for a dance club that played electronic music:

"I have used this company for my London trip as well as one of my many travels to NYC. So once again I chose Big Bus Tours.  For the most part it was very informative and organized. However, there was one tour guide that should not be working there. I think his night job was a performer as a drag queen. He seemed like he was there to entertain. Instead of giving us information he was rapping and taking pictures like he was a tourist. I don't care if you ask us if it's ok if you take pictures for your friend that wasn't even on the bus, pay attention and do your job! Then we ask him can you show us where "Ruby Skye" is? He said sure. Then he says "oops! We passed it. Besides that club is sooo played out" excuse me Mr. Tour guide I'm not wanting to go to one of your gay nightclubs in this area. Besides that incident our other 2 tour guides were great. I think it's ok to do a joke here and there to make it more entertaining like the other guides did. That other guy needs to go. Overall I will use this company again when I travel to another city" . 

And yes I did say Ruby Skye was played out because it is.  And then can you believe she gave us 4 stars on this review, I guess.

- I did get to flirt with a lot of guys in front of their girlfriends on my buses.  The girlfriends didn't care, many of them were in it for the chuckle too!  I had this one couple from Germany and the boyfriend kept talking smack to me.  by the end of the trip, some how I got him to pull his pants down and let me sign his ass.  I know, I'm amazing.  As you guys can see, my pen didn't work right away.

- On some mornings I had to wake up pretty early because we had cruise ships coming in so I had to be over at the Pier before the sun came up, lucky for me I had my camera with me for those mornings. This photo is of the sun rising from the east bay with the Bay Bridge in the foreground. #gorgeous

- Have you guys ever heard that men like bitchy women because being a bitch turns them on?  Coming from the Queen B, thats me, you guys can rest assure that statement is true.  I had this anesthesiologist on my bus trying to crack on me and I was like, "oh, so you're an anesthesiologist and you put people to sleep with gas, cool, well guess what honey doll, if you wanted to put anyone to sleep all you have to do is take them to dinner and try to have a conversation with them" !  #ohsnap  And you know what, I get to see this doctor on his way back to downtown and he couldn't take his eyes off me.  And you know what I did, I just kept batting my eyes lashes back at him like, "whatever" .

- One of my favorite Tour Guide lines on the bus was, "now if you look at this parking lot to the left, this is where I lost my virginity" .

- Definitely the most heart warming moment happened was when this Navajo family from the Disney Cruise ship rode with me.  After they got off my bus I said to their daughter, "ya-ta-hey" , and the mother said she was blind and deaf.  So I grabbed her hand and said, "ish-ba-na-na" , and then she let out a big smile, that literally brought me to tears.



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