Monday, August 26, 2013

10 Things Gay Men Need To Do

1) stop barebacking

2) burn your Lady Gaga CD's

3) defend yourselves from bullies

4) defy stereotypes

5) learn humility

6) stop being overly sensitive

7) have sex with a woman at least once in your life

8) raise kids

9) get to know someone first before you fuck them

10) go see the musical version of, "Pricilla: Queen of the Desert" !!

Saturday, August 24, 2013

My Positive Top 10 List

You are what you live, so for this writing exercise I'm going to concentrate on all the positive things going on in my life lately.

1) As many of you know, I'm a tour guide in SF and two weeks into my job I've already had several passengers tell me I was there best tour guide and even had a couple of them ask me for hugs.

2) A comedian friend recently said to me that I gave him really good comedy advice.

3) I was recently a semi-finalist for the Advocate's, "Next Great Queer Comedian" , which is a National online comedy competition for LGBT stand up comedians.

4) This past Summer I completed starring in my first feature movie, "All The Others Were Practice" , as the lead, it was an amazing experience, something I will cherish for the rest of my life.

5) My mom and my brother are in good health.

6) I've been testing HIV negative since 1994.

7) I let go of all the negative people in my life and have been really happy since then.

8) I haven't drank soda for the past 2 months.

9) I'm going to watch the musical: Priscilla: Queen of Desert next week in SF.

10) I stopped having lusty thoughts when I told the fantasy men in my head that I want a relationship.


Monday, August 19, 2013

Project Runway Season 12 Episode 5

This week on Project Runway the designers had an innovation challenge where they had to create a high end mini collection from 1) A vintage wallpaper store; 2) A specialty foods store, or 3) A combination home goods & party store.

Lets cut thru the bullshit, there was one clear winner and he placed 2nd this past week, it was designer Bradon McDonald with his fabulous atelier wedding dress, which was to die for.

Bradon is clearly one of the top 3 finalist, anything less would be unacceptable and everyone knows it.

Love it Bradon, keep going!


Tuesday, August 13, 2013

All The Others Were Practice - Movie Stills

My movie is coming out later this Fall, *punt intended* and here are some sneak peak movie stills !!!!

Who knew I could act, I did, thats who!


Project Runway Season 12 Episode 4

This past week the designers were given the bow tie innovation challenge, to construct a dress using Bow Ties and incorporate the, "marriage equality" , theme.

Lets get into to it.

Sadly, one of my favorite designers, Sandro Masmanidi, bit the dust early in the season.  In this weeks competition he was safe but asked the judges for criticism and boy did they sure give it to him.  Tim Gunn should have been the voice of reason for Sandro earlier in the episode when he said, "don't worry about pleasing the judges and do you"  .  For the first 3 episodes the judges have questioned Sandro's taste so it came as no surprise thats what they went after on his critique. BUT ... and I will emphasize BUT .. Zac had a point when he called Sandro's work referential, which means we can all see influences of Jean Paul Gaultheir and Versace in there.  So Zac's main point was he that he didn't know who Sandro is as a designer.  Very true, all of PR's past top 3 three designers have had distinguishable points of view.  I would even say their p.o.v.'s were personality driven.  But any rate, it was very sad to see Sandro leave.

"Oh girl .... oh girl... " , is I thought when I saw Alexander Pope's rainbow inspired neck piece.  As we all know, the rainbow motif is the hardest to design because of the color variety, it has to be done just right or it can look a mess.  I just wasn't feeling Alexander's look this week, it came across too literal.

Emerging as a finalist in Season 12 is Dom Streater.  She really owes showing up in this weeks top 3 thanks to Tim Gunn.  Originally she was going to put these dark colored striped bow ties at the top but Tim was like, "oh no girl, thats got to go" .  And as you can see, she went with softer bow tie colors at top that better accentuated her dress.  Her point of view reminds me of Mondo Guerra, shes fun, whimsical, and has a super young aesthetic, I mean, seriously, look at the bow tie hair do, fabulous!

The designer to beat this season is Bradon McDonald.  He took those bow ties and made this bad ass top, mixing color and this tweed inspired Chanel jacket/shorts, very tasteful.

25 Random Things by Charlie Ballard

1) I miss all of my Native friends.
2) I would really love to meet Adele someday.
3) it sucks almost being 40.
4) I'm beginning to think love is the greatest con of all.
5) I regret not having any real hobbies.
6) it gets harder everyday convincing myself I'm sexy.
7) my smurf name would be cheeseburger smurf.
8) fuck straight guys.
9) I caught my therapist yawning.
10) I hate exercising.
11) I can't wait to see myself on the big screen!
12) will somebody please stick their finger up my butt already
13) I refuse to lose.
14) heaven must be not all that if we're able to reincarnate ourselves.
15) I'm craving Navajo frybread.
16) Why do I feel like if I ever write a novel it'll turn out really gay?
17) if I had a vagina I would name that bitch Grace Jones.
18) republicans make me hard
19) many people would say I'm deeply depressed but I say I hurt easily.
20) I guess I did get to experience love but not the way I thought.
21) success & stardom are the best revenge.
22) I need to stop living in the past.
23) I cross dress for me.
24) so far its been a great life
25) my goal is to do a one man show and end it doing the splitz

Monday, August 12, 2013


Last nght I saw this guy who I'm seriously attracted to and saw this red spot on his forehead and my first thought was, "does he have AIDS" ?  Because he looked like he had Kaposi sarcoma, a tumor that causes skin lesions.

But then he said it was a zit and I was like, "yeah right" .  Then he flashed his big beautiful eyes at me and everything was alright again.

If he does have the virus, I don't mind and would still fuck him.  I know, it sound like I have death wish, not at all, I'm just one of those people who refuses to live in fear of the AIDS epidemic.

Does this mean that I still want to suck his dick, yes, does this mean I still want him to fuck me, yes but with a condom of course.

Amazingly I'm almost 40 years old and so far, I've have managed to survive the AIDS epidemic and remain HIV negative.  Its not from a lack of trying either.

Over the years, I'm participated in many occasions of bare backing, high risk sex.anal and oral sex.

I did however catch the crabs back in 2000 and the whole experience was disgusting.  After that incident, I told myself I gotta start having sex with cleaner men in cleaner places.

This psychic once told me to date cowboys because they're cleaner but where am I going to find a cowboy in San Francisco?  I want a real cowboy at that and not some fucking sissy cowboy who only puts on her boots to line dance on the weekend. 

I need a real Brokeback Mountain cowboy like Ennis who knows how to put it down.  And when we're getting our freak on, Ennis is going to whisper into my ear, "I can't quit you" , and I'm going to whisper back, "I don't blame you" .

I went on stage last week and jokingly said, "I should have died from AIDS by now" , and then somebody heckled, "you still can" .

And then I was like, "well, you can't catch AIDS if no one's trying to fuck you" , which if you ask me, is a really fucked up way to practice abstinence.