Thursday, December 31, 2015

2015: My Year in Drag

Today is the last day of the year. Here are some of my best moments in drag from 2015:

1) Definitely my first big moment from this year came in February while attending the annual 4th Annual Two Spirit Powwow in San Francisco, Cailirnia.  For me, the big Afro wig is a huge part of my drag persona, so it made perfect sense for me to enter the powwow arena looking fabulous! 

2) In March I headed out to NYC to see one of my favorite comedians perform. We went out to East coast on their last cold weekend of the year, knowing that I needed a coat, I was so lucky to find this reversible faux fur coat at a goodwill store in SF, it just made me feel so luxurious! 

3) April was a fun month, I went to the Gathering of Nations Powwow in Albuquerque, New Mexico., as a returning host for Stage 49.  On my down time I got live a life long dream by climbing Mt. Sandra inspired from my favorite Drag movie, Pricilla: Queen of the Desert.  I was a cock, in a frock, on a rock. 

4) Oh girl, just when I thought I was done for the year, my mom convinced me to attend Rupauls first ever DragCon in Los Angeles, I'm not gonna lie folks, I took that shit by storm, my balloons made me the belle of the ball.

5) One of my Two Spirit Drag friends - Kenya Fister said to me, "it looks like you found your niche" , she was so right, here I am rocking out my balloons in June @ SF Pride.

6) In December we went down to LA for, "The Voice" .  I just bought a new wig and couldn't wait to break it in.  This look was made the LA Gays gag for days hunty.

7) I ended this year with one of my favorite people, my mom!  I got talked into doing Santa Drag and helped give out gifts to our Native elders @ IFH, that was pretty cool. 

Saturday, December 26, 2015

Mother Nature

Since last month, because of El NiƱo, we've been getting a lot of rain in the Bay Area, it's a welcomed sight, California has been in a drought for the past four years so we're really enjoying any rain that we can get. 

Now here's the kicker, because we're getting the cold rainy weather here on the West coast, the East coast is currently getting no snow & today it was 70 degrees in Washington D.C.

Because the Pacific Ocean will be sending in cold air from the West this season, I knew it was going to cause severe tornado weather with the warm air of the Midwest.

Today, several deaths were reported in Texas because of terrential tornado weather. 

I look at this a couple ways.  This is Mother Earths way of saying, you cannot take without giving.  So in order for us to have water here in California with the rain storms and the cold winds, that was her (earth) way of keeping the balance by offsetting the weather in the Midwest.

For all the people living East of our Sierra Mountains, please stay safe and watch for weather reports!! 


Wednesday, December 23, 2015


Wow, this evening I checked my blog stat counter and it said I reached 300K views.  Thats pretty amazing.  Hey, ain't I supposed to get a wish for checking my stats perfectly on an even number?

My wish is still that same, that I end up getting high paid work in the entertainer industry so I have enough money to buy a house.

Until then, here are some of my most popular blogs that I've written on blogspot over the years, thanks for reading everyone!

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Star Wars 7: Force Awakens Movie Review

This past weekend, Star Wars 7 (Force Awakens) opened and it became the biggest movie of all time.

To be honest, when I first saw this movie on opening day, it took me back to my childhood and made me fall in love with those characters all over again.  I think the Director - JJ Abrams did a great job picking up the franchise and here are some points in the movie that made me raise an eyebrow!

* When Kylo Ren captured Poe Dameron in the movie and he said, "I didn't know we captured the resistance's best pilot" , thats when I wanted to yell out, "yeah and you guys captured Apocalypse too"  ! If you don't know, Oscar Isaac who plays Po, is set to play one of biggest villains of all time in the next X-Men movie!

* I loved how C3PO cockblocked the reunion between General Leia and Han Solo.  What a dick.

* I did think the plot of this movie was totally unoriginal, I mean hello, the goal of this movie was to destroy reactor inside the, "Star Killer" , planet so they could stop it from firing again.  Didn't they do that already in Star Wars 1 when it was called the Deathstar?

* OMG! When Fin came back to Janku and he needed water from walking in the desert, did anyone else find it disgusting to see the asshole of the animal drinking from the watering hole too?  I'm starting to regret watching this movie on the IMAX.

* Did anyone else admit to watching this movie once this weekend when really they watched it 5x?

* Was anyone else loving the, "Vanilla & Chocolate Swirl Romance" , between Fin & Rey!  Hey girl, hey !!!!

* Carrie Fisher complained that she had to lose 30lbs to reprise her role as Princess Leia. Thats nice but really she needed to be eating Halls mints so that her voice didn't sound like a husky chain smoker.  For reals.

* As the old Star Wars characters were revealed in the part 7, all of them got applause breaks except for Luke Skywalker.  Did anyone else think it was strange that when Luke Skywalker finally appeared at the end of the movie that no one in the audience clapped, hooted or hollered for him?

* Which character from the previous Star Wars movies were you most disappointed in from not seeing:
- Yoda/dead
- Jabba the Hut/dead
- Darth Vader/dead
- Queen Amadala/dead
- Jar Jar Binks/wish he was dead

* Lena Dunham is more than likely planning another season of a fucked up romance with her, "Girls" , love interest Adam Driver.  And you can bet shes going to plan a sex scene where she blows Adam just rub it in everyones face that shes currently has the best man in Hollywood this year. #GoLena !!!

Thursday, December 17, 2015


Somewhere along the way I got the reputation of being a bitch.

This blog is going to be a fun read, so lets flashback to my bitch, "awakenings" .

* While attending Haskell in Lawrence, I remember Joey aka Ron Kelsey pulling me aside at Louise's Bar to tell me that being a bitch was a waste of time.  Looking back, I think that was her way of giving me a gay intervention.  This was my 2nd time knowing Ron, I first met this Navajo queen in 1992 when I was 18 and she was a seasoned queen beyond my years.  The next time around (circ 2000) I came back to Kansas new & improved, and this time I could appreciate & understand Ron and all of her gay ideologies. Heres a classic exchange I remember having with Ron:

Ron: Hi Fish
Me: Hi Cow
Ron: Bitch .....

Haha, like I said, I was new & improved and ready for any kind of shit.

* I have to credit Adrian for sharpening my wit, another seasoned queen who took this sloppy, uncouth, raw but full of potential young queen (me) to new heights.  I really think I was ready to match wits with anybody as soon as I could go toe to toe with Adrian.  Heres another classic exchange I had with Adrian had in Peach Springs while driving around in Wesley's truck. (circ 2000)

Adrian: Hi Dorothy
Me: Hi Toto
Adrian: shit.

I think this is when I knew had the talent to the turn tables and be the bitch to have the last word.

* When I think of bitch, I also think of my friend Chasity.  She really turned into a bitch when she wasn't drinking.  As much as I liked her and wanted her to be sober, she was much easier to be around when she was drunk.  And since I sobered up in 1998, I began to understand how being an irritable bitch went hand and hand with sobriety.

* Also, Ms. Wahnee really changed my life, she helped me sober up and settled me down, not an easy thing to do.  So since she became my mentor, its no coincidence I took up some of her attributes.  She was certainly strong willed, smart, stubborn, crafty, knowledgable, and didn't put with shit.  Ms. Wahnee had the reputation for being a non-sense teacher, she didn't give away her trust so easy, she made people earn it.  Some how I managed to come under her wing and I remember other students saying to me, "everybody knows your her favorite" .  Damn right I was.

* And then, another one of my Haskell teachers said that when I missed a semester, she said everything seemed to went to shit.  Wow.  She really called me one of the pillars of Haskell.  That was so bizarre for her to say that because many times thats how I felt.  Thats the image I wanted to project, being reliable, respectable, trusted, knowing, a being a person who gave a sense of social security to the Haskell community.

And then I graduated in 2003, decided to come home and be a comedian. I've been doing comedy for 12 years now and still, I'm getting a reputation for being a bitch.

Still on track.


Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Caitlyn Jenner, shit starter.

One of my guilty pleasures from watching television this past year was, "I Am Cait" .  This show is about Bruce Jenner of Kardashian fame who transitions into her new life as a woman.

While watching the show, I secretly wished I was in her circle of friends so I could travel and meet fabulous people, namely Boy George, Candis Cayne and so on.  I really like this show, its great television, entertaining, informative, educational and most of all, fabulous!

So anyhoo, Miss Caitlyn Jenner was recently in the news again for making insensitive comments about Trans people who aren't passable. 

Because Caitlyn has an open door policy on her website, I took it upon myself to write an open letter to her, seeing as how I'm considered a leader in the LGBT community, I decided to weigh in, heres what I wrote. 

Hi love,
my name is Charlie and I'm a professional Gay comedian.  I'm also a part-time dragqueen so I'm sensitive to trans issues. 
I think you're doing a great job.  No one is perfect.  As far as your comments in Time Magazine, over the years I've heard other Trans community members make those same insensitive comments about other Trans community members for not being, " passable"  .  Its really not anyones call to make a judgement over anyone else's life, regardless if we're on the 
outside looking in or the inside looking out.  All we can do is offer our support and be happy for other people, which is what I'm sure anyone would ask for. 
I'm looking forward to your next, "I Am Cait" , season. 
Charlie Ballard

p.s From last season, I didn't like Jenny's comment when she said to you, "don't be a stupid woman" , for not wanting to date men. If you like women, fine.  If you like men, fine. If you like both, fine.  Whoever you like, fine.  For some Trans women who are attracted to men and who need men to make their lives feel fur filled, that doesn't make them stupid.  Not anymore than a Trans woman who needs a woman to make her life feel fur filled. 

I know, I'm so wise. 


Monday, December 14, 2015

Love, not perfect

This upcoming year, I'll be celebrating my 42nd birthday and I'll be reaching my mid-life without ever having been in a short term or long term relationship.

Looking back, I guess I'm okay with how everything turned out.

It looks like a lot of it wasn't meant to be, meaning I had my chances with the menz over the years and it never ... and I mean never, never worked out for me.

When I look back at all of the hetero people I went to school with, many of them friends I met from different Native American boarding schools, 95% of their love life's different work out either.  On the upside, a lot of them did end up having beautiful children with their partners, I guess that was their way of giving the best part from each other after going their separate ways.

I can think of a handful of couples that made it.

I like to think if I ever met, "the one" , that could've been my life.

I remember a friend saying to me a while back, "I really thought you would've ended up with somebody"  .  And I thought to myself, "I probably would have if I took just anybody off the street"  .

Nope, I was waiting for something special.

But instead, fate would have another plan for me, I turned into a fabulous dragqueen with big fake titty's.

I'm okay with that.