tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6338224452153332702024-03-05T10:48:35.655-08:00The Charlie Ballard Blogwww.charlieballard.comCharlie Ballardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03107299287293331164noreply@blogger.comBlogger1370125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-633822445215333270.post-58023672856125074832017-06-21T22:08:00.001-07:002017-06-21T22:08:29.230-07:00June of 2017Hello .. er .. hi.<br />
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To anyone still reading my blogs on this website, hi, long time no see. As some of you probably can tell, I took a break from blogging on here i.e. Blogger.com but I've been pretty active on my Facebook page, so look for my updates there!<br />
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www.facebook.com/funnynative<br />
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Heres a quick recap of what I've been up to:<br />
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- I will be hosting my annual SF Gay Pride Comedy Show 2017 at Club OMG this upcoming Friday!<br />
- Theres a cute boy at my work whose been flirting with me a lot. Really, I got no vibe from him at first and then out of nowhere when I was putting on my sunscreen, he starts rubbing his arm to my arm trying to get some sunscreen and then, playfully motions like hes trying to get sunscreen from my hand to his cock. That made me laugh and smile. I haven't had a guy flirt with me like that in a long time, so it was refreshing. Then today at work, he gave me a little back rub, so we'll see where it goes from there.<br />
- I'm 43 and overweight but I did get my blood pressure down, so thats a plus! I did so by changing what I eat, I took out rice, beans & breads and mostly carbs. But I can have meats, cheeses, salads and eggs. I may cheat here and there but its working!<br />
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Alright, toodles everyone, sorry for my absence.<br />
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xoxo<br />
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<br />Charlie Ballardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03107299287293331164noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-633822445215333270.post-33854762695987606162016-03-09T15:19:00.001-08:002016-03-09T15:48:00.341-08:00An Open Letter to J.K. Rowling - Native Appropiation<div style="color: #141823; margin-bottom: 6px;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">J.K. Rowling just came out with a new fictional wizarding book featuring Indigenous mythology from North America and some Native activist are upset because they feel J.K. Is misappropriating Native culture.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I really feel the appropiation movement has gone to far. Native people have been, "borrowing" , from each other all time whether it's been religion, dance, language, stories, dress and so on. Borrowing is a form of trade and has established good relations between communit<span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;">ies since time immorial. In the movie, "Smoke Signals" , didn't the mother refer to Julia Child as a good cook and that she learns from her all the time? Isn't that a form of appropriating their Western culture?</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">And besides, most of the Native folklore written by Western writers is cliche, for example, if a Native American super hero is a featured character, they possess the usual abilities i.e. shape shifting, having an animal prowess or being in touch with the Earth. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">At the end of the day, our real Native cultural mythology is still intact because its not shared with outsiders, no matter how it's interpreted in the Western cinema or literature, their versions are always going to be generic with no real substance, so theres really no point in getting upset over it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Personally I like J.K.'s stories, they're very entertaining, she may not know the real epistemology of her subjects but that shouldn't stop her from being a good writer, after all, its fiction.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Dear J.K.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Our Native culture is very sensitive, that being said, I love your stories so just be aware of the voodoo that comes with tapping into our Native origin stories, as one of my Native friends so mildly put it:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b><i><span style="background-color: #f6f7f8; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">"Well that's on her... Whatever kind of witches she's conjuring with those secrets. The old people use to tell us don't touch the old things left by the dead...</span> " </i></b></span><br />
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But I doubt this is your first rodeo.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">xoxo</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Charlie</span><br />
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Charlie Ballardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03107299287293331164noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-633822445215333270.post-48411023882658445832016-01-01T11:07:00.001-08:002016-01-01T11:07:27.298-08:00Unofficial Diet - New DayToday I'm starting my unofficial diet. <div>I'm giving up soda, I plan on eating right and will continue to exercise as much as I can. </div><div><br></div><div>Last month I got in 10 runs. I was extremely happy to do that. The first week of running was rough but I somehow got my stamina back. </div><div><br></div><div>I'm calling this my unofficial diet because I don't want to box myself into any kind of a conventional diet, so that means I won't be counting my diet days, I won't be listing the food that I eat, I won't be calorie counting, I won't be checking in regularly to let everyone know how I'm doing and I'm certainty not going to list my weight. </div><div><br></div><div>I know what I'm supposed to do.</div><div><br></div><div>Also for this year it's time for me to start my new projects. My goals for this year is to learn French and learn how to sew so I can make my own Drag outfits!</div><div><br></div><div>xoxo</div><div><br></div>Charlie Ballardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03107299287293331164noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-633822445215333270.post-23932794603515803542015-12-31T22:36:00.001-08:002016-01-01T00:35:44.952-08:002015: My Year in DragToday is the last day of the year. Here are some of my best moments in drag from 2015:<div><br></div><div>1) Definitely my first big moment from this year came in February while attending the annual 4th Annual Two Spirit Powwow in San Francisco, Cailirnia. For me, the big Afro wig is a huge part of my drag persona, so it made perfect sense for me to enter the powwow arena looking fabulous! </div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-qL775YfvC_Y/VoYeT0SVkUI/AAAAAAAAGoA/oNbG55YUohQ/s640/blogger-image--1007573672.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-qL775YfvC_Y/VoYeT0SVkUI/AAAAAAAAGoA/oNbG55YUohQ/s640/blogger-image--1007573672.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><div>2) In March I headed out to NYC to see one of my favorite comedians perform. We went out to East coast on their last cold weekend of the year, knowing that I needed a coat, I was so lucky to find this reversible faux fur coat at a goodwill store in SF, it just made me feel so luxurious! </div></div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-fh40_zC56_A/VoYeOeEtPvI/AAAAAAAAGno/lK0NEAe3N7M/s640/blogger-image-1078158025.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-fh40_zC56_A/VoYeOeEtPvI/AAAAAAAAGno/lK0NEAe3N7M/s640/blogger-image-1078158025.jpg"></a></div><br></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">3) April was a fun month, I went to the Gathering of Nations Powwow in Albuquerque, New Mexico., as a returning host for Stage 49. On my down time I got live a life long dream by climbing Mt. Sandra inspired from my favorite Drag movie, Pricilla: Queen of the Desert. I was a cock, in a frock, on a rock. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-RigGfgsIwGt8V-0pzRq9KQSHO3p3bVe8CIdQiMmgilweHOFElz2-34x9v2B-Khp57vt12gvJK_GN2z2br1XVxv7Q5CPvFaUXzS59gPKypk7PQYR3UvXsauVA22GwxLSN_7c79wFNssc/s640/blogger-image-614135720.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-RigGfgsIwGt8V-0pzRq9KQSHO3p3bVe8CIdQiMmgilweHOFElz2-34x9v2B-Khp57vt12gvJK_GN2z2br1XVxv7Q5CPvFaUXzS59gPKypk7PQYR3UvXsauVA22GwxLSN_7c79wFNssc/s640/blogger-image-614135720.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">4) Oh girl, just when I thought I was done for the year, my mom convinced me to attend Rupauls first ever DragCon in Los Angeles, I'm not gonna lie folks, I took that shit by storm, my balloons made me the belle of the ball.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-1mNl6xLGhuk/VoYeSlA9LmI/AAAAAAAAGn8/cJv39HamD7c/s640/blogger-image-108405023.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-1mNl6xLGhuk/VoYeSlA9LmI/AAAAAAAAGn8/cJv39HamD7c/s640/blogger-image-108405023.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">5) One of my Two Spirit Drag friends - Kenya Fister said to me, "it looks like you found your niche" , she was so right, here I am rocking out my balloons in June @ SF Pride.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-3FqCjlOctCA/VoYjgmSK9DI/AAAAAAAAGoY/gqTMUYsVBBk/s640/blogger-image--880574104.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-3FqCjlOctCA/VoYjgmSK9DI/AAAAAAAAGoY/gqTMUYsVBBk/s640/blogger-image--880574104.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">6) In December we went down to LA for, "The Voice" . I just bought a new wig and couldn't wait to break it in. This look was made the LA Gays gag for days hunty.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-r-HiP8hvgYw/VoYeRCmXhjI/AAAAAAAAGn0/DRSeNldPFSs/s640/blogger-image-214063879.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-r-HiP8hvgYw/VoYeRCmXhjI/AAAAAAAAGn0/DRSeNldPFSs/s640/blogger-image-214063879.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">7) I ended this year with one of my favorite people, my mom! I got talked into doing <span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Santa Drag and helped give out </span>gifts to our Native elders @ IFH, that was pretty cool. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-6MTx5DLhGcQ/VoYePsPFyZI/AAAAAAAAGns/yY3tjGpnyfw/s640/blogger-image-876026873.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-6MTx5DLhGcQ/VoYePsPFyZI/AAAAAAAAGns/yY3tjGpnyfw/s640/blogger-image-876026873.jpg"></a></div><br></div>Charlie Ballardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03107299287293331164noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-633822445215333270.post-57321171485822349342015-12-26T22:54:00.001-08:002015-12-26T23:14:00.697-08:00Mother NatureSince last month, because of El Niño, we've been getting a lot of rain in the Bay Area, it's a welcomed sight, California has been in a drought for the past four years so we're really enjoying any rain that we can get. <div><br></div><div>Now here's the kicker, because we're getting the cold rainy weather here on the West coast, the East coast is currently getting no snow & today it was 70 degrees in Washington D.C.</div><div><br></div><div>Because the Pacific Ocean will be sending in cold air from the West this season, I knew it was going to cause severe tornado weather with the warm air of the Midwest.</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-d9OHeqnVtxY/Vn-LMmwolKI/AAAAAAAAGnQ/AyuOVmKBDZo/s640/blogger-image-787147286.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-d9OHeqnVtxY/Vn-LMmwolKI/AAAAAAAAGnQ/AyuOVmKBDZo/s640/blogger-image-787147286.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div><div>Today, several deaths were reported in Texas because of terrential tornado weather. </div><div><br></div><div>I look at this a couple ways. This is Mother Earths way of saying, you cannot take without giving. So in order for us to have water here in California with the rain storms and the cold winds, that was her (earth) way of keeping the balance by offsetting the weather in the Midwest.</div><div><br></div><div>For all the people living East of our Sierra Mountains, please stay safe and watch for weather reports!! </div><div><br></div><div>xoxo</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div>Charlie Ballardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03107299287293331164noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-633822445215333270.post-28681045105072844992015-12-23T03:03:00.002-08:002015-12-23T03:03:58.442-08:00300,000 Views !!!<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-0FNMo23xRSI/Vnp-WMWonVI/AAAAAAAAGm4/5qCQOrO7z70/s1600/Screen%2BShot%2B2015-12-23%2Bat%2B2.54.01%2BAM.png" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="187" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-0FNMo23xRSI/Vnp-WMWonVI/AAAAAAAAGm4/5qCQOrO7z70/s320/Screen%2BShot%2B2015-12-23%2Bat%2B2.54.01%2BAM.png" width="320" /></a><br />
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Wow, this evening I checked my blog stat counter and it said I reached 300K views. Thats pretty amazing. Hey, ain't I supposed to get a wish for checking my stats perfectly on an even number?<br />
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My wish is still that same, that I end up getting high paid work in the entertainer industry so I have enough money to buy a house.<br />
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Until then, here are some of my most popular blogs that I've written on blogspot over the years, thanks for reading everyone!<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ojMCV4Ek2wc/Vnp_KCflpMI/AAAAAAAAGnE/gyAWaCtzmYM/s1600/Screen%2BShot%2B2015-12-23%2Bat%2B3.00.15%2BAM.png" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="171" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ojMCV4Ek2wc/Vnp_KCflpMI/AAAAAAAAGnE/gyAWaCtzmYM/s320/Screen%2BShot%2B2015-12-23%2Bat%2B3.00.15%2BAM.png" width="320" /></a>Charlie Ballardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03107299287293331164noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-633822445215333270.post-8091110825412940762015-12-22T03:26:00.003-08:002015-12-22T03:39:38.941-08:00Star Wars 7: Force Awakens Movie ReviewThis past weekend, Star Wars 7 (Force Awakens) opened and it became the biggest movie of all time.<br />
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To be honest, when I first saw this movie on opening day, it took me back to my childhood and made me fall in love with those characters all over again. I think the Director - JJ Abrams did a great job picking up the franchise and here are some points in the movie that made me raise an eyebrow!<br />
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* When Kylo Ren captured Poe Dameron in the movie and he said, "I didn't know we captured the resistance's best pilot" , thats when I wanted to yell out, "yeah and you guys captured Apocalypse too" ! If you don't know, Oscar Isaac who plays Po, is set to play one of biggest villains of all time in the next X-Men movie!<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Q7wiApEDyyQ/VnksVc3rFUI/AAAAAAAAGmY/FPl_R5E5A_8/s1600/Screen%2BShot%2B2015-12-22%2Bat%2B2.52.34%2BAM.png" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="168" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Q7wiApEDyyQ/VnksVc3rFUI/AAAAAAAAGmY/FPl_R5E5A_8/s320/Screen%2BShot%2B2015-12-22%2Bat%2B2.52.34%2BAM.png" width="320" /></a><br />
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* I loved how C3PO cockblocked the reunion between General Leia and Han Solo. What a dick.<br />
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* I did think the plot of this movie was totally unoriginal, I mean hello, the goal of this movie was to destroy reactor inside the, "Star Killer" , planet so they could stop it from firing again. Didn't they do that already in Star Wars 1 when it was called the Deathstar?<br />
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* OMG! When Fin came back to Janku and he needed water from walking in the desert, did anyone else find it disgusting to see the asshole of the animal drinking from the watering hole too? I'm starting to regret watching this movie on the IMAX.<br />
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* Did anyone else admit to watching this movie once this weekend when really they watched it 5x?<br />
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* Was anyone else loving the, "Vanilla & Chocolate Swirl Romance" , between Fin & Rey! Hey girl, hey !!!!<br />
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* Carrie Fisher complained that she had to lose 30lbs to reprise her role as Princess Leia. Thats nice but really she needed to be eating Halls mints so that her voice didn't sound like a husky chain smoker. For reals.<br />
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* As the old Star Wars characters were revealed in the part 7, all of them got applause breaks except for Luke Skywalker. Did anyone else think it was strange that when Luke Skywalker finally appeared at the end of the movie that no one in the audience clapped, hooted or hollered for him?<br />
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* Which character from the previous Star Wars movies were you most disappointed in from not seeing:<br />
- Yoda/dead<br />
- Jabba the Hut/dead<br />
- Darth Vader/dead<br />
- Queen Amadala/dead<br />
- Jar Jar Binks/wish he was dead<br />
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* Lena Dunham is more than likely planning another season of a fucked up romance with her, "Girls" , love interest Adam Driver. And you can bet shes going to plan a sex scene where she blows Adam just rub it in everyones face that shes currently has the best man in Hollywood this year. #GoLena !!!<br />
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<br />Charlie Ballardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03107299287293331164noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-633822445215333270.post-17837736575583055872015-12-17T01:59:00.001-08:002015-12-17T09:01:59.934-08:00BitchSomewhere along the way I got the reputation of being a bitch.<br>
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This blog is going to be a fun read, so lets flashback to my bitch, "awakenings" . <br>
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* While attending Haskell in Lawrence, I remember Joey aka Ron Kelsey pulling me aside at Louise's Bar to tell me that being a bitch was a waste of time. Looking back, I think that was her way of giving me a gay intervention. This was my 2nd time knowing Ron, I first met this Navajo queen in 1992 when I was 18 and she was a seasoned queen beyond my years. The next time around (circ 2000) I came back to Kansas new & improved, and this time I could appreciate & understand Ron and all of her gay ideologies. Heres a classic exchange I remember having with Ron:<br>
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Ron: Hi Fish<br>
Me: Hi Cow<br>
Ron: Bitch .....<br>
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Haha, like I said, I was new & improved and ready for any kind of shit.<br>
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* I have to credit Adrian for sharpening my wit, another seasoned queen who took this sloppy, uncouth, raw but full of potential young queen (me) to new heights. I really think I was ready to match wits with anybody as soon as I could go toe to toe with Adrian. Heres another classic exchange I had with Adrian had in Peach Springs while driving around in Wesley's truck. (circ 2000)<br>
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Adrian: Hi Dorothy<br>
Me: Hi Toto<br>
Adrian: shit.<br>
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I think this is when I knew had the talent to the turn tables and be the bitch to have the last word.<br>
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* When I think of bitch, I also think of my friend Chasity. She really turned into a bitch when she wasn't drinking. As much as I liked her and wanted her to be sober, she was much easier to be around when she was drunk. And since I sobered up in 1998, I began to understand how being an irritable bitch went hand and hand with sobriety.<br>
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* Also, Ms. Wahnee really changed my life, she helped me sober up and settled me down, not an easy thing to do. So since she became my mentor, its no coincidence I took up some of her attributes. She was certainly strong willed, smart, stubborn, crafty, knowledgable, and didn't put with shit. Ms. Wahnee had the reputation for being a non-sense teacher, she didn't give away her trust so easy, she made people earn it. Some how I managed to come under her wing and I remember other students saying to me, "everybody knows your her favorite" . Damn right I was.<br>
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* And then, another one of my Haskell teachers said that when I missed a semester, she said everything seemed to went to shit. Wow. She really called me one of the pillars of Haskell. That was so bizarre for her to say that because many times thats how I felt. Thats the image I wanted to project, being reliable, respectable, trusted, knowing, a being a person who gave a sense of social security to the Haskell community.<br>
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And then I graduated in 2003, decided to come home and be a comedian. I've been doing comedy for 12 years now and still, I'm getting a reputation for being a bitch.<br>
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Still on track.<br>
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xoxo<br>
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<br>Charlie Ballardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03107299287293331164noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-633822445215333270.post-76840201356608928252015-12-15T01:37:00.000-08:002015-12-15T10:36:23.877-08:00Caitlyn Jenner, shit starter. One of my guilty pleasures from watching television this past year was, "I Am Cait" . This show is about Bruce Jenner of Kardashian fame who transitions into her new life as a woman.<br />
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While watching the show, I secretly wished I was in her circle of friends so I could travel and meet fabulous people, namely Boy George, Candis Cayne and so on. I really like this show, its great television, entertaining, informative, educational and most of all, <b><i>fabulous!</i></b></div>
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So anyhoo, Miss Caitlyn Jenner was recently in the news again for making insensitive comments about Trans people who aren't passable. </div>
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Because Caitlyn has an open door policy on her website, I took it upon myself to write an open letter to her, seeing as how I'm considered a leader in the LGBT community, I decided to weigh in, heres what I wrote. </div>
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<b><i><span style="font-size: large;">Hi love,</span></i></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><i>my name is Charlie and I'm a professional Gay comedian. I'm also a part-time dragqueen so I'm sensitive to trans issues. </i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><i>I think you're doing a great job. No one is perfect. As far as your comments in Time Magazine, over the years I've heard other Trans community members make those same insensitive comments about other Trans community members for not being, " passable" . Its really not anyones call to make a judgement over anyone else's life, regardless if we're on the </i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><i>outside looking in or the inside looking out. All we can do is offer our support and be happy for other people, which is what I'm sure anyone would ask for. </i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><i>I'm looking forward to your next, "I Am Cait" , season. </i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><i>xoxo</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><i>Charlie Ballard</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><i>@charlieballard</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><i>p.s From last season, I didn't like Jenny's comment when she said to you, "don't be a stupid woman" , for not wanting to date men. If you like women, fine. If you like men, fine. If you like both, fine. Whoever you like, fine. For some Trans women who are attracted to men and who need men </i></b></span><b><i><span style="font-size: large;">to make their lives feel fur filled, that doesn't make them stupid. Not anymore than a Trans woman who needs a woman to make her life feel fur filled. </span></i></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><i>I know, I'm so wise. </i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><i>xoxo</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><i>cb</i></b></span></div>
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Charlie Ballardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03107299287293331164noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-633822445215333270.post-36767304244931036422015-12-14T13:31:00.001-08:002015-12-14T20:26:39.059-08:00Love, not perfectThis upcoming year, I'll be celebrating my 42nd birthday and I'll be reaching my mid-life without ever having been in a short term or long term relationship.<br>
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Looking back, I guess I'm okay with how everything turned out.<br>
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It looks like a lot of it wasn't meant to be, meaning I had my chances with the menz over the years and it never ... and I mean never, never worked out for me.<br>
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When I look back at all of the hetero people I went to school with, many of them friends I met from different Native American boarding schools, 95% of their love life's different work out either. On the upside, a lot of them did end up having beautiful children with their partners, I guess that was their way of giving the best part from each other after going their separate ways.<br>
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I can think of a handful of couples that made it.<br>
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I like to think if I ever met, "the one" , that could've been my life.<br>
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I remember a friend saying to me a while back, "I really thought you would've ended up with somebody" . And I thought to myself, "I probably would have if I took just anybody off the street" .<br>
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Nope, I was waiting for something special.<br>
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But instead, fate would have another plan for me, I turned into a fabulous dragqueen with big fake titty's.<br>
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I'm okay with that.<br>
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xoxo</div>
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Charlie Ballardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03107299287293331164noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-633822445215333270.post-13730535611203067672015-11-27T13:51:00.001-08:002015-11-27T19:02:48.903-08:00Dec 1stDec 1st will be the day that I start my new diet. I plan on eating salads, mostly.<div><br></div><div>And also I will be throwing in some exercise! This past week I ran the lake 3 times. It's been a while since I was able to that, I just haven't been motivated enough to run. </div><div><br></div><div>I hope to be 60lbs skinnier by this time next year or at least 30lbs lighter. </div><div><br></div><div>Today I had a southwest chicken salad with ranch from McDonald's! And ... theres always an and, a hot dog with cheese/bacon fries. Like I said this diet doesn't start until next week.</div><div><br></div><div>I also took a marvelous shit, so all that running did pay off this past week. 😁</div>Charlie Ballardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03107299287293331164noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-633822445215333270.post-64793008148710198042015-11-24T20:52:00.001-08:002015-11-24T20:55:18.178-08:00305I guess a big reason (pun intended) why I'm not online like I use to be is because of my weight, I just don't feel good taking photos from the neck down. Today I went to the clinic, saw my new doctor and then found out my weight went up again.<div><br></div><div>Initially my blood pressure upon arriving was 150, but that was right after I got off the weight scale.</div><div><br></div><div>Later on, my BP came down to 124.</div><div><br></div><div>So the moral to this story, next time I'm taking my blood pressure test first before I get on the scale. (less stress)</div><div><br></div><div>My check up went fine, I got the meds I needed and now I'm fired up to lose 50lbs. </div><div><br></div><div>2016 is going to be all about getting back to me!! Me me me me me!!</div><div><br></div><div>xoxo</div><div><br></div><div>Ps when I start losing weight that's when I'll start showing more than just my eyes! </div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-d1EQ3OTlpOQ/VlU-oOpzJDI/AAAAAAAAGk8/dbTifVvyjW4/s640/blogger-image--1559461833.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-d1EQ3OTlpOQ/VlU-oOpzJDI/AAAAAAAAGk8/dbTifVvyjW4/s640/blogger-image--1559461833.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div>Charlie Ballardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03107299287293331164noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-633822445215333270.post-5270623273090017672015-11-10T20:35:00.001-08:002015-11-10T20:36:06.768-08:00Life's LessonsLately I've been pondering my life lessons, when we all die I like to think that before we can move on, we all have to go before some higher power and answer that big question, "what did you learn in life" , and its our comprehension that determines our fate, so heres what I've learned in life so far:<br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">* if you want to make money off a business that includes dealing with people, you have to be nice to people & sell a great product otherwise they won't buy</span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="font-size: large;">* hope makes change happen</span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="font-size: large;">* you can't make heterosexual men love the same sex if they don't want to</span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="font-size: large;">* family is forever and thats who ultimately counts</span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="font-size: large;">* freedom is priceless</span></b>Charlie Ballardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03107299287293331164noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-633822445215333270.post-15314053505738949012015-11-04T13:18:00.001-08:002015-11-04T13:21:07.517-08:00Dream Wedding vs RealityI've always wanted a dream wedding which included: <div><br></div><div>* being married in a big Spanish style hacienda mansion somewhere on the West Coast</div><div>* lots of people there, family & friends </div><div>* lots of Mexican fireworks</div><div>* an El Mariachi band </div><div>* lots of dragqueens in attendance</div><div>* and of course, marrying the man of my dreams</div><div><br></div><div>But here's the kicker, all of these wedding plans came crashing down when I think of the reality of the situation:</div><div><br></div><div>* I'm single & have never been in a relationship, I've been single for the past 25 years and have never come close to meeting any kind of man to be intimate with</div><div>* I would like to invite many people to my wedding but I really don't have that many friends.</div><div>* how am I going to pay for this big wedding when I only make $14 an hour, shit, I really doubt that I'm going to put myself in debt over this.</div><div>* a proper gay wedding includes dragqueens, now this I could do. I definitely know at least two. </div><div><br></div><div>Oh well.</div>Charlie Ballardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03107299287293331164noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-633822445215333270.post-4599265748504827432015-11-02T20:40:00.001-08:002015-11-02T20:42:57.241-08:00Dragqueen BluesLately I've been feeling the pressure of being a dragqueen and a lot of it has to do with my size.<br />
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A couple years ago when I weighed 260lbs, I think I was the perfect size to do drag.</div>
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Now that I'm a busting 300lbs, my proportions are getting out of control.</div>
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The last guy that approached me on Grindr sent me a text saying he was into, "big lady's" . #fuck #you #asshole</div>
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I don't mind being a big girl but I just hate that guys think thats my greatest feature, my fat ass.</div>
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And heres whats weird, as a tour guide for the hop on hop off buses, these </div>
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dumb tourist get to revel in my greatest attribute all day but they don't care & don't give a fuck because none of them are trying to fuck me.</div>
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Today on the tour buses I had such a great time. I'm always coming up with great jokes or have some wonderful improv moments to share with my riders. </div>
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Oh well. Tisk tisk. </div>
Charlie Ballardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03107299287293331164noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-633822445215333270.post-21858465006291211472015-11-02T18:51:00.001-08:002015-12-14T18:08:31.555-08:00November SmuggaryHere's a classic conversation I had recently.<br />
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Me: hi</div>
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Guy in his 20's: oh sorry but I'm not into guys in their 40's</div>
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Me: cool, me neither.</div>
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Charlie Ballardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03107299287293331164noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-633822445215333270.post-6789768998572532012015-10-21T17:35:00.003-07:002015-10-21T17:37:59.325-07:00R & R<span style="font-size: large;">Yesterday was unexpected.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I went to a foot spa with my mom and afterwards, we went to the casino.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">The last time we went to a casino we did pretty good but this time we got our asses kicked pretty hard. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: large;">We had a winning streak going into last night and all that came to a screeching halt but dang it was sure fun.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">We were at the casino for 9hrs, winning, losing, winning but mostly losing.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Because ended up gambling so late, we ended up getting a room in nearby Woodlands, California.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">This afternoon, we returned home, exhausted, broke & happy. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">This was definitely was one of my best mini breaks I've had in a while.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I would like to do yesterday again but next time, hopefully we'll win something.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">xoxo</span><br />
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<br />Charlie Ballardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03107299287293331164noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-633822445215333270.post-12853684862540393582015-10-19T00:50:00.003-07:002015-10-19T20:23:06.368-07:00Classic Charlie Ballard Moments !!<span style="font-size: large;">This past month I had a classic, "Charlie Ballard Moment" , I misplaced my iPod in my room and couldn't find it. So I turned over my living room looking for it. Then I went online to find it and I made it beep. Now heres the kicker, while I searched hi & low for it, I could hear it beeping, I just couldn't find out where it was beeping from. This went on for about 10-15 minutes. I knew I kept getting closer because I could hear myself getting closer & closer to the beep but no dice, I just couldn't find it. And then, I felt my back pocket and guess what I found, my iPod. I'm such a dumb ass.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">This has happened to me a few other times in my life.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">When I was 10, I remember losing $2 dollars and again, I literally flipped over my entire house looking for that money and it was in my shirt pocket tee the whole time.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">In high school, at the age of 16, I was playing tennis with Cole Powsky and I swung that racket so hard that I thought I knocked my glasses off my head. So I began to freak out because I couldn't find them anywhere on the ground and guess where they were, on top of my head. OMG, Cole could not stop laughing after he said, "they're on your head" .</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">So there you have it, at least I'm consistent.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">xoxo</span>Charlie Ballardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03107299287293331164noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-633822445215333270.post-65746854200356973072015-10-16T23:18:00.000-07:002015-10-16T23:29:56.945-07:00Dear Bus DriverThis poem is dedicated to the cute bus driver who gave me a ride home tonight on the 57.<br />
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Dear Bus Driver<br />
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I've seen you before but on another bus line.<br />
I thought you were really hot so when it was time<br />
for me to exit the bus, I purposely left thru the front door<br />
so I could see your cute smile.<br />
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And I caught you looking at me in your bus mirror,<br />
maybe you were looking at<br />
the bun in my hair,<br />
my kung pao chicken carry out,<br />
my eyes,<br />
piercing back at you,<br />
eating you up alive,<br />
ohhhhh, so delicious<br />
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And when I exited the bus and you said, "goodnight"<br />
I acted like I didn't hear you because<br />
I was wearing my headphones,<br />
but you know what, I did hear you,<br />
and I was just acting cherry<br />
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Because in my mind,<br />
that was my way of seducing you,<br />
a trick I learned from watching<br />
an old Jeremy Irons Geisha movie,<br />
Madam Butterfly<br />
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so the next time I see you,<br />
get ready to pop a boner<br />
because I'm going to rock<br />
your world and say goodnight back.<br />
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<br />Charlie Ballardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03107299287293331164noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-633822445215333270.post-80869684119943584662015-10-12T00:01:00.000-07:002015-10-12T00:08:54.757-07:00These DreamsMy dreams are so weird.<br />
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Yesterday when I finally deleted that bitch's personal messages from my twitter account, the same night I have a dream about her with another comedian.</div>
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In my dream I remember seeing her walk this other comic in front of her like he was her dog.</div>
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And then tonight, I saw that same comic at the comedy club. </div>
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So I really don't know how to interpret that dream, is this comic her new watchdog? It just seemed so weird to dream about this other comic and see him at the club the following day. I have no reason to dream about him.</div>
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In college, I was really in love with this guy and when I finally got over him, I remember dreaming about being in a laundry mat and saying to him, "nope, nope ..." . I view being a laundry mat as being a place to wash out negativity, bad relationships, and other unwanted junk.</div>
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Sometimes I wonder how people dream about me.</div>
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<b><i>* In college, a friend said she dreamt about me that I was dressed like a dragqueen killing zombies with a sawed off shot gun. </i></b></div>
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<b><i>* In 1996, while hanging out in Bullhead City, Arizona, a friend said he dreamt about me dancing under the spotlight. </i></b></div>
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<b><i>* Another time in college, a gal pal said she had a sex dream about me. (blushes)</i></b></div>
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For me, I can honestly say I lived out most of my dreams. </div>
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Now what?</div>
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xoxo</div>
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Charlie Ballardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03107299287293331164noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-633822445215333270.post-3730721625968553962015-10-08T15:58:00.001-07:002015-10-08T15:59:11.667-07:00My First Movie Screening !!happens tonight at the Embarcadero Cinema in San Francisco. <div><br></div><div>I'm pretty excited! It's always been a dream of mine to have my big mug seen on the silver screen!! </div><div><br></div><div>So far the first review is in and it's, "charming" !! </div><div><br></div><div>I'm looking forward to seeing all the cast again, they were so much to work with. </div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-QJVNbqcTrWs/Vhb1MC8kgOI/AAAAAAAAGkg/4Es81CMA6Cg/s640/blogger-image--313396455.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-QJVNbqcTrWs/Vhb1MC8kgOI/AAAAAAAAGkg/4Es81CMA6Cg/s640/blogger-image--313396455.jpg"></a></div><br></div>Charlie Ballardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03107299287293331164noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-633822445215333270.post-3609645828108358052015-10-01T20:09:00.000-07:002015-10-01T20:16:20.045-07:00Highs & LowsI usually save this blog for the end of the year but it feels like it wants to come out now.<br />
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Earlier this year, I started off with some incredible highs and in the Summer thats when everything began to turn to shit.<br />
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These were the highs:<br />
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* In March I traveled to NYC for one of Margaret Cho's tapings. It was pretty exciting, NYC has always been a great place to visit. I also met up with a old comedy friend - Edison Apple. After the 1st show we hung out with Margaret back stage and somehow she talked me into dancing for her 2nd show. Honestly, I wasn't there to perform, I was there to hang out as a fan but sure, okay whatever. I went for it. <br />
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* While visiting NYC, I got to run around at night with Edison in drag, he took me to all the clubs in the area, some fun, some just okay. While walking around in the neighborhood, random people kept asking me to stop for a photo! I really do love drag admirers, they know how to make a girl feel special, I love doing drag even more, it brings so much happiness to people.<br />
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* In April it was time to get ready for the Gathering of Nations Powwow in Albuquerque, New Mexico. I was such a hit last year in drag that I had to do it again. <br />
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* In May, I was burnt out and wasn't in the mood to do anything but my mom convinced to me to attend Rupaul's DragCon at the L.A. Convention Center. I hate to sound cliche but sometimes mothers do know whats best. Heres the kicker, I was involved in a little controversy and was asked to leave, somehow I turned it around and got a personal audience with Rupaul herself, and you guys can believe I pitched myself to be on next seasons show.<br />
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* My respiratory issues became manageable.<br />
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* The movie I filmed a couple years ago, "All The Others Were Practice" , is finally going to be seen on the big screen and then it goes straight to video.<br />
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And thats when the lows began:<br />
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* somehow I convinced myself to do a 90 Day Diet and didn't lose shit.<br />
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* I emailed Margaret to see if she left my dancing part in her special and she said no.<br />
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* I finally got fucked but I let that asshole spit on his condom for lube. (I gotta stop doing that)<br />
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<br />
I really wish this year comes and goes fast, I'm so over it.<br />
<br />
What would make this year spectacular is if I got the call Rupaul's casting to be on her show.<br />
<br />
I need a break baby and I think that would do it.<br />
<br />
xoxo<br />
<br />Charlie Ballardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03107299287293331164noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-633822445215333270.post-67599342611521574492015-09-18T22:24:00.001-07:002015-09-18T22:24:29.696-07:00The Way You Want Him To Be & The Way He IsThe way I want him to be, attractive, funny, tall, blah blah blah ......<br />
<br />
The way he is, he picked me up this morning at the gas station, he recognized me but I didn't recognize him. Thats the way hook up's go sometimes, they're so random you may or may not ever see them again. This time he remembered me. As he gave me a ride down the street, we got reacquainted really fast. When it was time to get out of the car, like a dumb ass I give him my number when he asked for it. What really pissed me off about that, he said he wanted to send me photos of what hes into and I said not to send them and he sends them anyways. Now I have to change my cell phone #.<br />
<br />
I really want to put this part of my life behind me. This just isn't my lifestyle anymore, random hook ups, I'm ready for something meaningful BUT reality keeps showing me different.<br />
<br />
On a positive note, one of my straight guy comedian friends did a have a freudian slip and accidentally called me, "babe" . I think he called me, "babe" , because last week we had a good comedy talk about show biz and I was still fresh in his head and when I called him out on it, he said, "I didn't call you babe but whatever" .<br />
<br />
Sometimes I think I'm better off with the latter.<br />
<br />
xoxo<br />
<br />
<br />Charlie Ballardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03107299287293331164noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-633822445215333270.post-89318314601853701572015-09-10T20:55:00.001-07:002015-09-10T20:55:22.596-07:0090 Day Diet - Day 90Today I just don't give a fuck, I'm just glad I'm done with diet blog:<div><br></div><div>- 3 different types of chocolate candy</div><div>- hot potato with shrimp </div><div>- steak burrito</div><div>- guacamole & chips </div><div>- spicy Doritos chips</div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-NQRXkCiG218/VfJQqLwH93I/AAAAAAAAGkM/C34YL0O5F74/s640/blogger-image--1655143.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-NQRXkCiG218/VfJQqLwH93I/AAAAAAAAGkM/C34YL0O5F74/s640/blogger-image--1655143.jpg"></a></div><br></div>Charlie Ballardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03107299287293331164noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-633822445215333270.post-86397837972814638272015-09-09T17:54:00.001-07:002015-09-09T17:54:21.399-07:0090 Day Diet - Day 89As I come to the end of my diet, I hopped on the scale to see if I was up or down and wouldn't you know I was down 1 lb. Ain't that some shit. 90 days of this bullshit and I stayed the same.<div><br></div><div>- Boston Chx dinner w/ turkey </div><div>- Mac & cheese</div><div>- loaded potatoes </div><div>- mashed potatoes </div><div>- chx soup</div>Charlie Ballardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03107299287293331164noreply@blogger.com1