Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Let it Go

I turned 40 years old a couple months ago and I'm coming to conclusions that the life I wanted to lead has been out of my reach lately.  So heres a list of ideals I've been holding onto for a long time and its time to let this shit go:

- getting married to the perfect man
This one is laughable because I really thought I would've found my soulmate by now and trust me I looked i.e. craigslist, gay.com, college, bathrooms, glory holes, bars, cafes, different cities, and where ever else I could find.  In my heart, I really believe I was supposed to be a stay at home gay.  I always envisioned myself getting married to the perfect man, wait for him come home, ask him how his day went, make him some meat loaf and then give him a some booty.

- success
After being in show business for 11 years and not getting anywhere that little fucked up realization of not making it is finally starting to settle in.  I've definitely made my moves and the universe has still yet to deliver.

- weight loss
I currently weigh 290lbs and haven't been down to the 250's for the past couple of years.  Right now I'm working almost full time and have no time to exercise.  I am trying to eat salads at Jack in the Box but that shit just isn't helping.

- having a great sex life
I'm pretty sure my glory days of having a fuckable body are over.  I guess I could go to a gay sex club and get boned in the dark but why keep lying to myself, and besides that scene is sooooo played out.

- making 100k plus a year
The most money I've ever made from comedy in one year was 10,000$.  That is some bullshit.

- a new car
Right now I'd settle for having any kind of car.

- my own house
This one is really far out of reach because in order to have my own house, I needs lots of incoming $$$$$.

- independence
For the past 11 years I've lived at home mainly so I could concentrate on being a stand up comedian and to save on bills.  I love my family but I have no idea what independence feels like.

- learning to speak a 2nd language
I can feel my brain wanting to learn a 2nd language, maybe French, maybe Spanish?

- optimism
This one sucks the most.  This one has kept me from seeing people from who they really are, I can't do it anymore.

This is probably the most honest blog I've written in a while so please don't anyone leave a shitty comment like, "life is what you make it" , because what the fuck do you guys think I've been trying to do for the past 11 years?

My life goals may not be working out for me right now but at least I can say in this life that 

I went for it.

#still #trying #to #make #my #life #better

xoxo



Monday, July 7, 2014

Gay Leaders ????

What do these now all, "Gay Out" , celebrities have in common?






They all made their notoriety playing straight characters or started their show business careers in the closet.

And now because the straight mainstream audiences love them, they're supposed to be our gay leaders??  I don't think so.

I generally like prefer any Queer entertainer who started their career as an out performer and then made their head waves in the world show business.

I don't know, I just feels like anyone who starts their career in a truthful way and is honest about themselves somehow has more integrity than someone who didn't.

To me, all the celebrities above just proved how good they lied, manipulated, and played the game to get famous and then come out when its convenient.

I really hope times have changed in America where LGBT our performers feel like they don't have to start in the closet to get work.

xoxo

Friday, June 13, 2014

Good Advice or Bad Advice ???

My favorite sex columnist, Dan Savage, is at it again, this time a young woman whose graduating from High School is wondering if she should pursue a love interest!  Heres what she wrote in and my response it at the bottom after Dan's!
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I am currently a senior in high school, but come Saturday, I will be a high-school grad! (Fuck yeah!) The only thing I'm worried about besides my hopes and dreams, and making it in the real world? My sex life. I'm a virgin. When I go online, I see all my friends and peers having these crazy, awesome, smoking-hot sex lives. I am obsessed with this guy in my class. Like all teenage-girl crushes, I can't get him out of my head. I could spot him on the other side of campus in all his tank-top-wearing, soccer-playing glory. I've been sitting in class all day thinking about all the sex we will probably never have. I want to know if it would be weird for me to ask him to hook up at a post-graduation party? I don't care if my first time is with someone "special," I just feel like if I don't say something to him now, I'll never get a chance to have sex at all, with anyone, ever.
Does It Get Sexier?
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Heres what Dan wrote in:
First, DIGS, some research shows a link between time spent on social media and depression. The issue seems to be people comparing what they know of their own lives—which are complicated, messy, and sometimes painful—with the idealized portrait others create of their own lives on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc. Remember: While your friends may appear to have crazy, awesome, fun-filled lives on Facebook, their actual lived reality likely includes as many sads and fails as your life does.
Something else to bear in mind: Teenagers are waiting longer to have sex, according to the Guttmacher Institute, and nearly 40 percent of 18-year-olds of both sexes are not yet sexually active. So you are not a freak, DIGS. All of your friends and peers may tell you they're sexually active—or their Facebook and Instagram posts may imply that they're sexually active—but the data tells us (and I'm telling you) that some of your friends are liars.
Finally, DIGS, this boy is not the last boy on earth. You will have other chances to have sex, with other people, lots. But I think you should make a pass at this boy—if not for the sexual experience, then for the experience of making the pass itself. Make it an honest, straightforward, and explicit pass. ("I've had such a crush on you, and this is crazy, but fuck me maybe?") If he's interested, tell him you're a virgin, tell him condoms are required, and tell him you'd rather do it sober or soberish. If he's not interested, well, that'll suck. You'll have to wait a bit longer for your first sexual experience, DIGS, but you'll have an opportunity to practice handling rejection with grace ("Well, I still think you're a great guy, and I hope things won't be awkward between us") and you'll see that rejection isn't the end of the world—or the end of boys, either. Good luck!
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Now heres what I had to say:

I say go for it! That was my High School graduation present to myself too! Whatever Dan just said above, ignore it. Hes talking to you like you're a complicated 30 year old woman with tons of baggage. These are the moments and experiences that will change your life forever and shape how you deal with men in the future. If you're going to be sexually active, at least use a rubber and lots of lube. Most likely whatever boy you're chasing won't know how to bang a virgin so its probably going to hurt. Welcome to adulthood and making bad decisions! p.s. thats how we grow as people, we learn from our mistakes!

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

2,154,839 Profile Views

Currently I have over 2 million profile views on my Google+ profile. Wow.

Now theres something you don't see everyday.

Are you serious, from who?

It has to be a glitch, even if it is a glitch it does feel nice, it makes me feel interesting and pretty.

Levar Burton is currently raising money for this Rainbow Reading program and he's already raised over 3 million bucks for his cause.   I bring this up because thats the only thing I can relate this feeling to.

Oh, heres another million association.  Guess how much a million dong in Vietnamese currency converts into U.S. money = 50 bucks.

I did take a stat class in college and they taught us to always challenge any stat thats been presented so here are my conclusions, now statistically, there should be at least 10 guys from the those 2 million views who should have contacted me to get their dick sucked, thats what makes me suspicious those stats aren't real.

But really, all I want is to get high paying work from the entertainment industry and not no fucking 50$ bullshit gigs either.  If any of you thought, "well theres your million dong …" , fuck you.

Hook me up Universe, thanks.

xoxo


Pharrell Williams & Native American Headdress

Pharrell Williams has always made good music but he really fucks up here. Its always the same shit with these people. Why don't any of these other ethnic groups ever appropriate their own culture to, "look cool" , ? Why does it always have to be ours? None of the these people will ever know what these headdresses mean to our Nations, thats the problem. #getaclue


Saturday, May 31, 2014

May 31

Its the last day of the month and I only published 3 blogs for the the month of May.

Wow.

heres are some of the thoughts that have been on mind lately:

- a couple weeks ago I turned 40.

- will somebody fuck me already.

- I'm Tour Guiding again and its exhausting, long hours.

- my diet starts tomorrow, no more soda, & todays my last binge day.

- our drag comedy show went great last week.

- whenever you hear somebody say, "what have you done for us" , those people are underserving assholes.

- I want to be a contestant on Rupaul's Drag Race.

- I need to learn how to sew.

- "Normal Heart" , was really good, great acting by Julia Roberts.

- I don't miss any of my old friends anymore.

- I moved on, time to start anew.

- I really want to visit Fire Island.

- going to see insult comic Lisa Lampanelli next Friday @ Warfield.

- only one more Hella Gay Comedy Show next month and I'm done.

- time to make the leap soon.

- i really want to do the splits.

- this summer is going to be about saving $$$$

- i have grey hair on my pussy.

xoxo

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Hella Gay Comedy Show Interview Questions

Next month I'm done producing the Hella Gay Comedy Show, here are some interview questions I'm doing for an online paper:

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- How would you describe you and your comedy history in 2-3 sentences? How long have you been doing standup/producing comedy shows?
I started performing stand up comedy in 2003 and began producing comedy shows regularly in 2010. The very first 

comedy show I ever produced was held at the now defunct SF Comedy Station, the only audience members who 

showed up were my mother and two co-workers.  That was a very humbling experience.  After that, I watched other 

comedy producers who were successful at putting together shows and thats what I drew from.

- Where in the Bay Area do you live? Have you ever performed in Oakland, and if so, where? 
I was born in San Francisco and have resided in Oakland for the past 35 years.  I did a couple comedy open 

mics in Oakland when I started out, all of which are now gone.

- Tell me about the shows you've produced in Oakland.
The very first show I produced in the East Bay was called, "East Bay Strikes Back" !! The title was a take on 

the Star Wars movies.  At the time, all the focus was on SF comedians when in truth many of those 

same great comics were from the East Bay.

- If you live in Oakland, what is your favorite part about it? If you don't live in Oakland, tell me about fun things you like to do there.
To be honest, Oakland has never been much fun for me.  I did my secondary education here and for whatever

reason my, "social life" , never took off and to this day still hasn't.  I made all my life long friends outside of 

California so really making friends in Oakland is a bizarre thing for me, the people here are just plain weird.

When I finished college, this psychic lady gave me a tarot card reading and said I'd be leaving one group of 

friends and entering into another, any guesses which one she was referring to, thats right, she was talking about 

comedians.

- How did Hella Gay come about and what has been the best thing about producing it?
In 2011, after a family trip to the East Coast, I decided to put together a string a bunch of gay themed comedy 

shows at the La Estrellita Cafe in Oakland, I didn't strictly want to do showcase stand up comedy so I invited 

many other artists to perform with us and we began as a variety show.  I came up with the name Hella Gay 

because I wanted to create a show that perfectly described the Gay East Bay! The big misconception about 

Hella Gay Comedy is that its sexually identified show.  The word, "Gay" , means happy and the last time I 

checked, happiness precludes into everyones life, which is why the show has always been inclusive to 

everyone, performers and audience members alike.   I am very proud that the Hella Gay Comedy Shows has 

featured all types of performers: gay, straight, bi, dykes, trans, bears, twinks, fag 

hags, stag fags, gay for pay, faux queens, drag kings, drag queens, clowns, opera singers, strippers, 

and other various performers, when I book a comedians I only care about one thing, are they funny? 

The best thing about the producing the Hella Gay Comedy Shows over the years has been all the wonderful 

support we've received from the at large LGBT & Allied communities from the Bay Area!  I cannot express 

gratitude and appreciation for everyones support !!

- If you are comfortable answering, how do you identify (queer, gay, bi, something else)? How does your identity influence your standup/how you book shows? How much, if any, of your act/material has an LGBT influence?
I identify as Gay.  My gay experience has always been apart of my act, for better or worse.  I try to not box 

myself into a specific comedy niche because I am capable of writing & performing many different styles of 

humor, it comes out however I'm feeling at the moment. 

- What piece of advice do you have for LGBT comedians just starting out?
 Always believe in yourself and your talent, both will take you very far.

- Anything you want to add?
It's been an incredible 4 years and we had a terrific run! I would personally like to thank all the comics 

who made my Hella Gay Comedy Shows the Shiz-nit! We took many chances breaking boundaries, I 

often raised eyebrows by putting my comedians into compromising situations and in 200% fashion they 

all always exceeded everyone's expectations. I'm just so happy that I could contribute to the lasting 

legacy of the Bay Area Comedy scene, it was all worth it.