Monday, February 23, 2015

Green Eye

Every now & then I have to let my green eye show because it keeps me grounded, it reminds me of what I have and what I don't have, and sometimes it helps me grow if I can somehow get it out of my system.

Theres a National comic coming to SF to perform and hes having a pretty good career.  To be honest, I don't really follow his act because he doesn't do it for but that shouldn't suggest he isn't good because he is, he just not someone who I idolize.

So heres my beef, I did an industry showcase with this comic back in 2005 and he got pulled for the final showcase, where as I, like other comics got dusted.

From that point on, he started popping up more in the biz and he got some pretty great career opportunities.

I couldn't help but wonder if I got pulled for the final showcase if I would have gotten the same opportunities, you know, the shoulda, coulda, woulda's - probably not.

I'm not trying to sound negative but selling myself as a queer Native comedian in the 00's didn't get me very far, the mainstream network executives just didn't bite.

And thats when my talent threshold/ego took its first hit.  I kept telling myself to forge ahead and that I'll get the right opportunities.

Somewhere in 2007 I got my date with destiny and filmed my first stand up for the LOGO.  My comedy clip originally got cut from the first 8 episodes and it got put into a special.  (I got this opportunity because I went looking for it, I pro-actively searched for it and sold my act to the right people)

There is where I began to pick my own fate.  My real fame came from downloading my LOGO podcast onto my youtube channel and my video went viral within the Native American online communities.

That clip also got me booked on America's Got Talent but what I didn't know was that I was being brought in to get boo'ed down.

In the mean time, I kept hustling for gigs and did all my own promo because no talent agency would sign me on.

Although I did get one response from a major agency in L.A. and I quote, "there is a market but for the right Gay Native American comedian" .

In short, it wasn't me.

While this was all happening, I didn't let it get to me.  I kept writing and did my some of my best stand up from 2008 - 2011 !!

And now, I think all the rejection has taken its toll on me because I don't write and perform like I use to.

I thought the craft would've gotten easier over time but its still very challenging, at least for me, writing jokes takes a certain finesse and it takes a lot of work to get it going.

And then, last year I turned into a Drag Comedian.  I really have no idea where that came from.  It just sort've happened.

Getting back to that guy who went on to have a real career and others like him.  I'm going to bet his material got stronger because of his opportunities, he had bigger reasons to write for, hence more motivation to write.  Meanwhile, I kept writing for the same indifferent low life degenerate open mic crowds, its kind of hard to find your following when the most interesting thing to an open mic crowd is the bathroom code on the open mic sign up sheet.

And oh yeah, when this comic did some surprise appearances around the Bay, my peers flipped out when they saw him working out an open mics in SF.

But yet, these muthaf*cka's get me every night and I've proven myself to them on stage, night after night, no respect.  I get no love because I'm a faggot comedian, the same dismissive attitude I received from those network talent execs.

I actually remember getting irate with this comedy open mic booker because he touted himself on running a shit room and he always bragged no one had ever done well on his stage, and thats when I flashed him and said, "you must not be talking about me because I know I did some pretty phenomenal things on your stage" , of course he didn't have shit to say back because he knew I was right.

Can I put the demise of my success on my sexuality, absolutely.  Gay Marriage because didn't become a National debate until 2004, which is when I started comedy.  So the idea of anything gay in the mainstream wasn't going to happen anytime soon.  The mainstream consciousness was still getting use of anything Gay i.e. Will and Grace. (gay film/television propaganda) And plus the usual hetero assholes leaving during my sets was another indicator of the political mood.

I did a radio interview for an older Native friend a while back and she called me a trailblazer.  She was so right.  So this is what it feels like to be trailblazer, its sucks.  I would've hoped my trailblazing skill would've gotten me a lot more work.

Well, with all the bullshit that I've been thru I should just walk away but I can't.  I've been doing this comedy job for 12 years and I'm no quitter.  And plus, as it turned out, I'm kind of good at this too.

I think whats made me so thick skinned for this business is my rejection junkie skill.  I know when I get rejected, its not the end of the world.  I will always have many many positive reasons to keep forging a head, I just have to sit down, write jokes, make a game plan and enact it, the rest will take care of itself.

And plus this psychic lady also said that I would make it but its going to take a while, so until then I remain in repose, just like these ballerina's below, so talented and waiting to put on a great show.


Its time

I wrote my first movie script a couple years ago, it was Gay Native American romantic comedy based somewhere up in the cold tundra of Canada! I passed it forward to some Native people in the industry and they didn't like it so it went nowhere.

I believe some of the feedback I received was, "you need to learn screenwriting" .

So much for natural talent.

The main reason why I decided not to pursue my second story was timing, it just didn't feel right, also the content is much stronger and very personal.

My 2nd movie didn't have an ending until a couple months ago, I was driving to SF and kept thinking how I was going to wrap up my story and then the ending hit me, it was so powerful that I got choked up and starting crying on the freeway.   Its a really good ending because every time I think about it, I always get teary eye'd and it makes me feel emotional. (I'm pretty sure thats a sign of a hit)

I did hint around this movie to some Native industry people in L.A. back in November and that was the last time I really put into the Universe, so for now, I am officially putting it out there!

Do it seem like I haven't mentioned nothing about what my 2nd movie script is going to be about, thats because its a very personal thing, when its done, my goal is to get it scene by industry people and hopefully, on a wing and a prayer, get it made!


Thursday, February 12, 2015

Fifty Shades of Grey - Movie Review

People are not toys. 

This evening I won a free pass to see, "Fifty Shades of Grey" , at the Centre Theater in downtown San Francisco, California.

#FiftyShades will be hitting movie theaters everywhere on Saturday, February 14th., Valentines Day.

I've never read any of the books so this movie review is based solely on what I saw, so here we go.

First, Actress Dakota Johnson did a superb job of playing Anastasia Steele, the films protagonist.   There were many moments in this film when I thought she was channeling her mother - Melanie, whether is was thru her shyness, awkwardness or her dead on face.  I'm very sure when Melanie saw this movie, she was very proud of her daughters artistic work, her daddy Don on the other hand, I'm sure this one was a hard pill to swallow.

Getting back to the movie, whose on top, whose on the bottom?  This is what made the characters so dynamic between Anastasia & Christian. Christian introduces himself as the Dominant and he's looking for the perfect submissive, only he needs it in writing. (what a douche)  Sorry, this is my opinion of any man who needs consensual sex in writing, that should've been a red flag for Ana.

"Fifty Shades of Grey" , had many story lines, the main one being Anastasia, who is a virgin, trying to make a boyfriend out've her first time lover - Christian, which is why she admitted that was she falling for him, but then again, Ana's a virgin, that what virgins do, they fall for their first timers. Ana could've gave it up to a butcher and the storyline still would've been the same.

Anastasia's character does come across as having a brain, she knows shes not completely his slave until she signs his contract, so theres this bit of a power exchange between them, a cat & mouse game of whose the dominant and whose the submissive.

I really thought Anastasia played it magnificently when she gave Christian blue balls while negotiating the terms of their contact during their business meeting, she knew he wanted to fuck her in his board room so she played possum and it was fun to watch him get blue balls when she didn't want to give it up.  He got her back, Christian got her use to instant gratification sex and when he took it away when she wanted it, that was his way of saying that he was in charge.

There were definitely some creepy moments in the movie that made me raise an eyebrow, like when Christian showed up at her work and in Georgia.  Hello, can anyone say S-T-A-L-K-E-R ???  And when Christian flipped out because Ana didn't tell him that was she going to Georgia to visit her mom, I was like muthaf*cka please, she didn't sign your contact yet, you don't get that from her. Clingy is not attractive.

The contract presented to Ana was pretty interesting, I thought it was missing personal compensation.  Sorry, a new car, her own room in his penthouse and sleeping in a bed where other people toys have slept wouldn't have cut it for me.  And I'm sure Christians contract could've at least kicked in for any future hospital bills i.e. for sexual incidentals caused by all the shit he wanted to do to her. Dirty toys cause UTI's, getting UTI's fixed cost money.

I had a personal moment in the movie, it was when Ana took his worst punishment - 6 lashes on the ass.  I couldn't help but be reminded of my own de-virginization, the crying, the tears, the humiliation.  Maybe it was Ana's rite of passage into adulthood, either way, its why me & Ana weren't 27 year old virgins.

The last thing I want to talk about is selfishness, which was another underlying theme in this movie.  Christians selfishness really showed when Ana took his 6 lashes because thats what he wanted and thats what got him off.  From my experience, people with weird kinks or fetishes only care about their needs. Ana took his lashes because she was trying to build his trust and then maybe, hopefully, Christian would let her in to his heart.  Doubt it.

There was a scene when Christian was professing his personal truths to Ana but it was when she was sleeping.  Ah, hello, P-S-Y-C-H-O.  Who does that anyway?

Like I said, I've never read any of the books so I'm hoping in the sequels she rails that muthaf*cka hard in the ass with a dildo because generally thats been my experience with so called Dominants.

The ending was pretty good, I was the only person in the theater cheering for Ana when told that muthaf*cka to step off after recovering from his lashes.  Thats usually what happens when you give people what they want, they want more.  And she curtailed that shit in a heart beat, go Ana!


Saturday, January 31, 2015

Miss Stage 49 - 2015 !!!!

Last year when I won the prestigious title of Miss Stage 49, it was a complete honor for me. (okay really it was given to me)
And when I host Stage 49 again this year @ Gathering of Nations, Ltd. in Albuquerque, New Mexico, I have decided to hold a contest and pass on my title to whoever wants it! Here are the qualifications:
* any age
* any gender
* come dressed in Drag or not
* share a special talent with the audience
* answer this very important "Why do I want to be Miss Stage 49" ?
* special surprise competition game judged by audience
These are the responsibilities for Miss Stage 49:
* spread good will
* have fun
* bring joy to people
* fundraise for your community
‪#‎werk‬ ‪#‎it‬ (in a good way)

Good luck to all the contestants!

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

I'm totally okay that you didn't want to fuck me

Its pretty sure my sex life is expired, so heres a little resolution/proclamation/poem to all the men in my life who should've, could've, would've fucked me but didn't:

I'm Totally Okay That You Didn't Want to Fuck Me
by Charlie Ballard

I'm totally okay that you didn't want to fuck me even though I knew you were HIV Positive and I totally put my life at risk just to fuck you,

I'm totally okay that you didn't want to fuck me because I'm a fat, femme, flaming, fucking faggot with a big forehead,

I'm totally okay that you didn't want to fuck me even though I always caught you checking me out in high school but you never had the balls to admit your feelings for me,

I'm totally okay that you didn't want to fuck me even though I took your ass to the movies, paid for your admission, paid for your fuckin popcorn and soda, and sat way in the back because I know thats where you like to get freaky,

I'm totally okay that you didn't want to fuck me (to all the guys in the SF Comedy Community) even though statistically, one of you should've fucked me by now,

I'm totally okay that you didn't want to fuck me after giving you a ride home and watching you get out of my truck as though you were expecting me to say with one last breath, "are you going to invite me in" , (I'm very happily to have disappointed you)

I'm totally okay that you didn't want fuck me even though you said you would give it up, like I never knew you enjoyed trying to fuck with me head,

I'm totally okay that you didn't want to fuck me because you're own shadow scares you, I really don't have time for that bullshit,

I'm totally okay that you didn't want to fuck me because you're a so called guy straight when really, with all the ratchet pussy you get doesn't compare to the one mind blowing blow job you could've got from me,

and lastly,

I'm totally okay that any of you didn't want to fuck me because you know what, I really didn't want to fuck you either.


Friday, January 16, 2015

Finally Happy

I'm finally happy and it only took a big blonde afro wig and 26W bustier to find it.

When I wear this wig, I bring so much happiness to people, its an incredible feeling!  Theres just something so wonderful about being a big bubbly fun dragqueen.

Another big plus are all the random people who want to take photos with me, I've never felt more loved.

Heres a good example of a conversation exchange I had with a drag queen admirer:

"when I turned around and saw you, I saw heaven" , and I quickly replied, "do you know why you saw heaven, because you're an angel" !

I do have to admit, I'm a little sad that I didn't find this happiness in a loving relationship with another man or I didn't find this happiness in having kids or I didn't find this happiness in having big successful career being as a stand up comedian but thats life, you just have to roll with the punches.

But when you do find something that is worthwhile and it makes you feel good, its a great feeling.


Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Looking Season 2 Episode 1

I can sum up Season 2 of HBO's, "Looking" , in two words, I approve.

This past week, HBO's new gay drama-dy started with a sizzle!

I can actually say that I'm intrigued and am already looking forward (no pun intended) to next weeks episode.  So far for this season, they brought a bear into the mix and I actually know another ethnic comedian whose going to be in one of the upcoming episodes, so this year we're actually going to see some variety, which truly encompasses our San Francisco community.

The only negative critique I have of this show is that its coming off a little gay cliche.

A couple years ago I filmed a gay independent movie and some scenes from, "Looking" , and our movie have been eerily similar.


I am just merely suggesting that some writers think a like and keep writing about the same shit, especially when it comes to location.

In this first episode of Season 2's, "Looking" , they filmed there opening scenes on Russian River,  parts of my gay movie was filmed on Russia River.

Russian River is great but maybe if they found some other points of interest in the SF Bay Area that aren't well known, those would have been a better choice, that way the show feels fresh.  It gets repetitive to see films and television using the same places in their shows.

My other negative is, and this has nothing to do with the show or its content.

Last Fall, I auditioned for some roles for, "Looking" , Season 2 and failed miserably.  I failed bad because I didn't start memorizing my lines until the night before and it showed in my audition.  For some dumb reason, I was under the impression that I didn't receive my sides when clearly, they were emailed along with my audition call time.   Thats what I get for not checking the attachments that came with that email.

So heres a photo of the Fairie role that I lost out to! (the bitch with wings on the left)

This actor did a great job and totally did a way better job than how I auditioned.  But you know what, I'm still learning this, "acting thing" , so I'll have to chalk this one up as a missed opportunity.

But otherwise, good job to, "Looking" for starting Season 2 with a great bang!