Thursday, December 11, 2014

New Gay Acronyms for Texting !!

I've created new gay acronyms for texting:

BP - Bitch Please
HDPD - Homo Don't Play Dat !!
DYLFG - Do You Like Fat Girls?
IH - I'm Hungry
MPATT - My Pants Are Too Tight
WB - Whatever Bitch
TA - Troll Alert
SOC - She's On Crack 
ICFMBP - I Can't Find My Butt Plug
CIBYBP - Can I Borrow Your Butt Plug

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

2014 Year in Review

Hey everyone,
heres my annual year in review.  Before I get into it, I will say that 2014 totally did not end the way I thought it would.

January started off with a couple trips to L.A.  Moms had to see the Eagles at the Forum so I tagged along as the chauffeur.  I also got booked with Nick Staddlers LOL Show in North Hollywood so that gave me some personal time to run around and do some shows.  This was a good one!

When I came home from Arizona in December 2013, my breathing was off and found out that I had picked pneumonia somewhere on the road.  For the next 2 months I was definitely on the mend.  So in order to get better I had to completely cut myself off from anything stress related.

I really wanted to turn #hellagaycomedy into a podcast for 2014 but the timing wasn't right so I decided to carry on with the shows, we started off with the Gang Bang Comedy Show at the Playland Bar in SF and of course I can't do a Hella Gay Show without having some kind of controversy, I had a very politically correct Lesbian friend comment on Facebook that this show title was, "gross" , so I politely responded back to her, "well you know what they say, as long as one lesbian disapproves, everyone else will like it" .

February pretty much sucked.

The month of March gave me a lot to look forward to, especially with Sausage Fest.  I really really love all the support I get from all my straight guy comedian friends in the Bay Area.  I'm pretty sure I'm the only booker, male or female, gay or straight, that can get a bunch of straight guys to perform in their underwear or without their shirts in a gay bar.  I really treasure that special trust that these guys place in me which really means a lot to me, thanks guys.  (but sometimes I secretly think these straight guys only want to do my show so they can say they did it) (I think that makes me some kind of weird gay status symbol)

Heres one of my favorite status updates from March 30:
"just came back home from flirting with the liquor store clerk and got him to give me some free candy. ‪#‎slut‬ ‪#‎skills‬"

In March, yes bitches, I'm still in March, I had really good hair.  I had an umbre faux hawk that grew out really cute.  The hair color and placement was totally my idea.  I had my hair colored & cut by 3 different people to achieve this look and it was all worth it. (did I just quote a Clairol commercial) ???

and heres how it looks from the side ...

fuck you, its my blog ... I love it!

Little did I know that the month of April was going to be super fun.  We planned a family trip to New Mexico for the Gathering of Nations Powwow and I was interested in hosting Stage 49 again but this time I wanted to do it in drag and thats exactly what happened! So working up to that weekend I began prepping my drag persona at the SF open mics and had tons of fun doing it!

Somewhere in the Mohave Valley desert on our road trip to Albuquerque I had this really great idea to take a drag press photo!  OMG, this photo turned out to be one of the most iconic drag photos I have ever taken because as soon as I posted it, several people on Facebook copied that same, "hitchhiking" , pose which I thought that was very #flattering

And when we got to New Mexico for Gathering, heres what all that hard work culminated too!  I just couldn't believe how well I was received by all the people.  I kind of felt like Selena too.  Remember in the movie, "Selena" , when she was in that big stadium and she was paraded around in a horse carriage, well minus all that except the big crowd. #amazing #dreams #do #come #true

May & June were pretty memorable.  I decided that I was burnt out on producing the Hella Gay Shows and I was done.  I planned on finishing out our 4 year run with the SF Gay Pride All Star Comedy Show @ The Magnet, little did I know that I was going to handle over the reigns of the show to Ash Fisher, an up & coming comedian from the East Coast and she was going to carry the #hellagaycomedy flag for a year while I caught my second wind.

This is Lesbian comic extraordinaire - Ash Fisher, what an incredible find.

For our SF Gay Pride All Star Comedy Show I wanted to go all out and give free cake & ice cream to our crowds for supporting our shows over the years.  Heres what our cake looked like:

There is definitely a little theme going on the cake, a gay couple is celebrating their kids birthday with their friends.  (I know, just cute)

In July, I developed an addiction to Ramen noodles. Uhhhhh, so good.

August definitely snuck on me.  Even though I was supposed to be on hiatus from producing shows, in the back of my head, I kept thinking to myself, "why not produce a gay comedy festival, I mean after all, I do have all of the experience and success to pull it off, so why not go for it" ??  So thats exactly what I did.  I enlisted the help of Ash Fisher, Jesus Fuetes, Carrie Avritt, Tommy Arnold, Kimberly Rose Wendt and we went for it and we ended up producing 12 shows in Oakland & San Francisco that were packed out and all well attended! #amazing

Also in August was my moms bday, I had to hook her up with the, "Princess Cake" , from Victoria's Bakery in North Beach. #delish

Finishing out the month of August was a blast, I decided to take my drag persona - Nasty Ass Bitch, to new heights and give a return lap dance performance in Peaches Christ's annual, "Showgirls" , event, I got so many nice compliments on my trash bag outfit.

And thats when she started to come around ... the one and only Margaret Cho!  For September Margaret did a surprise pop in performance at Club Deluxe, which would later lead to her busking for the homeless in SF for November & December! #pretty #cool

Muthafu*ka's, I did not forget October.  I don't really feel like need to post a photo, tell you guys a story or share a funny anecdote for the month of October because well, I'm sure you can tell it was PRETTY FUCKIN GAY just like the other 11 months of 2014.


Saturday, November 29, 2014

Journeys & Friendships

Bizarre, is the only word I can describe for all the relationships I've had with people who've passed in and out of my life.

I really think people are territorial and they will only befriend you if a particular person is or isn't in your life.

For instance, when I was at Haskell, I made friends with this girl named Crystal back in 98.  Later she revealed to me that she did not like the person I was in 97.  She quite in fact hated me and then I was like, "well, if you hated me so much, why did you start coming around and being my friend" ?

In the Spring of 1997, that was my return to Haskell and I had my bestie Jade with me, we rocked Haskell and the City of Lawrence every way we could, on the volleyball court, on the dance floor at Granada and at the plasma center behind McDonald's.  (my point being, we had fun wherever we went)

So when Jade left, thats when Crystal started coming around. (and thats when the boring years began)

That damn Jade had to go back to the Southwest, leaving me in Kansas to fend to for myself.  I was forced to hang out with people who I would not normally hang out with or associate with.  I kept telling myself this that I would have to hang with these people in order to survive the Haskell social system and ultimately get that paper.  

Later, I did reveal to Crystal above that she wasn't my first choice of friends either, I only talked to her because she was friends with Sybil, another gal who eventually gave me grief with her own antics.

Fortunately for me, I never kept to one particular group of people or one type of friend.

Even at Haskell, I kept getting the reputation of, "knowing a lot of people" , when really all I was doing was saying hi to people.

Oh, I am going somewhere with this. (getting there)

This whole thing with switching friends, the coming and going of people, really took its toll on me.

It really made me lonely.

Another friend, Regina Charles, clued me in that it was going to be like this for kids of the Native boarding school system.

I remember her saying, "I'm know we're not going to see it each other later and I'm already going to miss you" .

That really set me up not to keep people to close to me at all because when its time to leave, its easier to go without all the attached feelings.

And so, even today, I'm still going thru my transitions with people, when one relationship ends, somehow other person know when its time to comes into my life and fill that void.

Whenever I post a blog, message, a photo on my Facebook and it gets, "LIKED" , I get to see all of those people who've I've journeyed with in my life, even from some who keep low profiles and say nothing (yes, I see you)

And on days like that, it makes me happy, and it makes me less lonely.


Tuesday, October 14, 2014


November 1st is National - Rock My NDN Hair Day !!!

Please post a photo of your NDN hair to your social pages - Facebook/Twitter/Instagram !!


Friday, October 10, 2014

Being 40 & Sober

Oh gosh, I was just thinking the other day about how me and my ma have been sober for the past 16 years.

How time flys.

Sobering up was one of the best decisions we ever made in our lives.

I can still remember my last drink, it was SF Pride 98 and I got a big gallon of gin to celebrate!

So when enough was enough, I decided that SF Pride 98 was going to be the weekend to start my new journey and took that gallon of gin and poured it entirely out into the kitchen sink.  My mom was standing there and she let out a big smile.  Thats how I knew I was doing the right thing.  My mom eventually sobered up 6 months after I did, her sobriety bday is on New Years.

Thinking back on it, the way I sobered up did a seem a little cliche, like it was a scene right out of the 1986 docu-movie, "The Alkali Lake Story: Victory" . (great movie by the way)

I had another friend who was sober for a while and everyone said she was a complete bitch while she was off the sauce.

Sometimes I think I turned into a bigger bitch when I sobered up.

I remember hanging out at Louises Bar in Lawrence, Kansas., having a Shirley Temple and I was talking to this old flaming Navajo queen named Joey.

We were sitting there chilling and she said, "stop being a bitch"  .

I had to laugh because that really caught me off guard.

Thats what I love about Navajo queens, those bitches will read you when you least expect it and be spot on.

I really remember her talk because she was very sincere about it.

Flash forward 16 years later, I obviously didn't take that road.

In fact, my bitchy skills came in very handy being an entertainer, whether it was being on stage, dealing with hecklers, dealing with other jerky comedians, or just a way of venting for that day.

For the next 20 years of my life I don't want to be that bitchy person anymore.

So from here on out I'm going to try to approach everyday like Marlo Thomas in the opening sequence of her tv show, "That Girl" ! #next #chapter


Friday, October 3, 2014

Korina Korina !!!

Oh no, Korina Emmerich (Puyallup) just got her ass handed to her on National television via Project Runway Season 13 Episode 11 and also online from the PR fans. 

In my personal opninion, I really thought Sean or Sharkita should have went home for their non-functional designs in this episode, "The Highest Bidder" , because their models couldn't even walk in their outfits, I mean really, did no one else notice he sent a lamp down the runway?

And then PR judge Nina Garcia goes after Korina's colorful knit when Sharkita has done the color blue in her dresses for how many episodes this season?

But I will give it to Nina Garcia for calling out Korina's outfit as being outdated.  Thats not a bad comment and really, the industry did the same thing to Coco Chanel with her last line before she came back and dazzled everyone with contemporary tweed, so it can be done.

I'm glad Korina stuck to her Native inspirations but like the other PR judge Zach Posen said, "we've seen this look from her but I haven't seen it evolve yet" , so fair is fair, its time for Korina to take her Native designs to another level!

I am not and I will say this again, I am not excusing the way Korina handled herself on Project Runway, she definitely got sucked in the competition and gave the PR producers definitely what they wanted for their viewing audiences, drama.  But isn't that what makes this show so great?  If Korina and countless past PR designers didn't show their asses on this series this show would be less entertaining and interesting.

I understand why so many of the PR fans sent her hate mail, of course no one likes negativity or mean girls but what would Disney fans be without their Wicked Queen, Maleficent, & Madam Medusa.

Fortunately I am a person not to jump to conclusions so quickly, if she does comes back for another PR season and doesn't change her attitude, then yeah, I will go with the majority on this one.


Feeling Savagy

Its October 3rd, 2am and I don't have to work tomorrow, which is why I'm staying up late blogging.

I have so much on my mind.

First, I broke my soda diet today.   I went to the Swan Oyster Depot on Polk St. in San Francisco today, I had some time before my walking tour began on Nob Hill, I wasn't giving the walking tour, I was actually tagging along with so I could learn more about SF.

The Swan Oyster Depot is supposedly one of the best places to eat raw seafood in town.  I went in and the first thing out of my mouth was like, "do you guys fry anything here" ?  The answer was no so I just had the Clam Chowder which I didn't care for, it was so watery.

The walking tour went great.  We got to walk thru the Grace Cathedral Church, the Fairmont Hotel and the Big Four Restaurant.

Before the walking tour began I was reading up in the SFBG on Chinese political activist/artist - Ai WeiWei's new art installation on Alcatraz Island.  I've known his artwork was coming to the Bay Area for quite sometime, as I read the story in the paper, it was everything I imagined it would be, moving, emotional, political, inspiring.  I was really moved by the story so much that I had to send in a thank you note to the journalist for writing the story.

Of the 7 pieces that Ai designed for Alcatraz, one installation was inspired by the 1969 Alcatraz Occupation takeover by the Bay Area Native American tribes so I knew Ai was going deep with his art.  The piece that is dedicated to the Natives is called, "Illumination" , which calls to history in 1895 when about 19 Hopi's who were imprisoned on Alcatraz for not sending their kids to Native American boarding school.

Just reading that small part of the article meant so much to me because I love reading anything about Native American culture.  There are so many non-native people out there, factions, local cities, government, and whoever who don't give a fuck about Natives.  So it was a nice feeling & gesture, that Ai took the time to remember the people and the atrocities from a Native perspective.

Next week I'll be heading over to Alcatraz for the annual Sunrise Ceremony, so I can't wait to walk around and explore Ai WeiWei exhibitions.

Lets move onto the next topic, my love life, it still sucks.

Moving on.

I really miss my Native friends from school.

I am not one of those Natives who shun my culture, I embrace it, I love it, I flourish in it, even when I'm not around it or my people.

I know, that if I ever see any of my old Native friends from my past that we'll pick up right where we left off.  Which I can never say about my non-Native friends.  I don't know, maybe I am a racist that way because I prefer being with my own, Natives.

*Flashback time*

Do you know whats fucked up.  A couple years ago, one of my comedy friends said I enjoy being the only Native in the comedy community because I enjoy all the attention of being the only Native everyone knows.

Theres a whole lot of things wrong with this statement, here they are in no particular order:

- its because this person made that statement and said more fucked up shit along those lines, I no longer associate with that person, trust me, this was an ongoing thing and it needed to stop.  

- in my perfect world, i would love to still live in Kansas, New Mexico, Arizona, Idaho, or be in some Native community because thats my preference, I love being around Native people, and not be around degenerate, junky, alcoholic, socio-path comedians who don't give a fuck about anybody but themselves, so no, I don't prefer being by myself, I prefer being around loving people, Natives.

- I'm not white, I'm not heterosexual, I don't go to Burning Man therefore my jokes will not reflect that but I did once say, "you know you're white trash if you took your family vacation at Burning Man"

- I'm not down with that last of the mohican bullshit, if you're a non-native and you don't know any Native people than too bad, what the fuck am I supposed to do about it, I barely hang out with any Natives myself.

I would like to end this blog on a positive note, its about a dream I had a couple weeks ago.

In my dream, I saw some of my old Native friends from school and when I realized it was them, my heart leapt for joy and I cried because I was so happy to see them.