Friday, January 31, 2014

Charlie Ballard's Layers.

As they say, you never really know someone until you start peeling away the layers!

Do you guys ever wonder why you watch your favorite movies over and over again?

For me, it just dawned on me why I love the the movie Kill Bill so much, its because I can relate to Uma Thurman's character, "Beatrix Kiddo" , the worlds #1 female assassin.

Of course I want to be the #1 comedian in the world and slash and kill my way to the top but it goes deeper than that.  I was watching Kill Bill Vol. 2 when they were in the chapel and Beatrix didn't have anyone to sit on her side so she said, "you can sit on my side but you'll find it lonely" and Bill said, "your side was always kind of lonely"  .

Me too, if I should ever get married, my side was probably be just as bare.

This past week we just finished our first Hella Gay show for 2014 and I felt compelled to dress up as the wicket witch of the west and perform, "I put a spell on you" , by Nina Simone.

Later on in the night while I was still wearing my costume at another club, a friend me pulled me aside and he said he's been trying to teach his kids moral values thru movies and elphaba was one of them.

For those of you who ever saw the musical Wicked, you would know the wicked witch of the west is not as wicked as most people think.  To make a long story short, never judge a book by its cover.

I'm posting a photo of Pam Anderson from Baywatch fame because she looks exactly how I feel. #werk #bitch #werk

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Gang Bang Comedy Show - 1/29

Tomorrow night, the Hella Gay Comedy Show opens our 4th season at the Playland Bar in San Francisco with the, "Gang Bang Comedy Show" , featuring our favorite LGBT and LGBT friendly stand up comedians.

The creator of the Hella Gay Comedy Show, Charlie Ballard will opening the show with a special performance from a fierce diva!  Heres a hint, this bitch doesn't take any shit.


Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Indian Country Interview Questions.

Here are some questions I got asked for an upcoming interview in the Indian Country.


1. As far as I know, you're primarily a standup comic. Is acting something you've pursued before this movie? What's your history (if any) as an actor and do you plan to act more?

At some point, I eventually wanted to crossover into acting, it just made sense because I do a lot of acting in my stand up whether its doing monologues, voices, & characters in my comedy routines.  I have absolutely had no theater/actor experience prior to this movie.  I told that to the director when he hired me but he thought I was a good fit the role anyway.  I mean really, Jennifer Lawrence didn't have any acting experience before she got into movies so I thought, "if she could do it, I can do it too"  !

Whats funny about this whole experience, after this the movie was finished a friend of mine asked me how the experience went and I said, "great, I learned how to act"  .  I would love to do more movies because I had such a great experience from doing this one so I'm hoping this movie will raise eyebrows within the industry and will get me casted into more projects!

2. Can you tell us a little bit about the plot of this film and how the project spoke to you creatively or personally?

"All The Others Were Practice" , is a Post Gay Romantic Comedy, meaning it doesn't fit into the conventional genre of gay movies out right now.  The story centers around this guy named Jorge and how he fumbles his way thru relationships towards finding the right guy.  This character was a complete fit for me.  Apart of how Director Brian Tolle, he saw couple of my love life blogs online via and thats what sold him, I turned out to be a complete match for this character.

3. Can you try to make the case for readers who might not think they'd be interested in a "gay romantic comedy" -- why should they see this film? 

Great question!  The general mainstream should give this movie a chance because they're going to find a lot of parallels in this movie which I'm sure they're going to be able to relate in their own lives, because really, when you strip away any of our technical attributes, all of our experiences are really the same. Also, the supporting cast was great.  I kept saying to everyone while we were making the film, even though I was the main lead in this movie, this movie was really less about me and more about our great supporting cast, who were all fantastic.  I should know, I was on the set everyday and got to work with them. And besides, this movie is a romantic comedy, who doesn't love a good romantic comedy?

4. Natives can tend to be a very conservative bunch when it comes to matters of sexuality -- yet there is also the interesting history of respect for gay or trans people as "two spirits." Growing up and in your adult life have you felt that push-pull?

The great thing about his movie is that it isn't overly sexualized, the implications are there but never at one point does this film cross that line into being vulgar, at least by my standards.  The heart of this movie is really about how we deal in relationships with each other.  I've definitely felt the push/pull effect toward being a good Native role model.  I was raised around many wonderful community members who inspired me to be like them, all of whom where mostly Native women. When they were raising me, it never occurred to me that my sexuality played a role in how they treated me, the emphasis I received from them was more about having and showing compassion for each other.  To this day, I still carry those fires with me and try to convey myself in a contemporary way, just as they did for me.

5. How (if at all) does being Native, or gay, or gay and Native, inform your comedy?

My pre-disposition has definitely given everyone a point of view that no one ever hears from.  The political climate for Gays in this country has greatly improved, so that being mixed with my Native heritage has given me terrific platform to speak on.  I realize that my brand of comedy is pretty specific and I'm okay with that because I'm not trying to be like everyone else, which is how my comedic voice has been able to stand out from so many.  At the end of day, if I can put a smile on someones face from entertaining them then I did my job.

Friday, January 24, 2014

My Favorite Gay Movies!

As many of you guys know, my movie, "All The Others Were Practice" , will be coming out this year.  Six  months before we started production, I remember sitting down with the director and we talked about our favorite Gay movies, and because my movie falls into the Gay movie genre, I wanted to share my favorite list of Gay movies that I've seen over the years, enjoy.

Desert Hearts (1985) really great Lesbian movie.

Parting Glances (1986) Great movie about gay bestfriends and AIDS
Cruising (1980) watch the unedited version, its hardcore.

Transamerica (2005) Really great movie on a Trans woman and her son.

Pricilla:Queen of the Desert (1994) Seriously, this wasn't on your list?

Maurice (1987) Super hot Gay English flick.

Too Wong Fu (1995) A Pricilla rip off but still entertaining!

Dallas Buyer Club (2013) AIDS period movie, great acting!

Crying Game (1992) When Boy George is on the soundtrack, its a winner.

Iron Ladies (2000) Based on a true story of a Gay Thailand Mens Volleyball team who won Nationals!

Opposite of Sex (1998) Christina Ricci at her best.

La Cage Au Folles (1978) the original Bird Cage.

Victor Victoria (1982) Julie Andrews playing a man, playing a woman, playing a man.

Making Love (1982) Harry Hamlin gave me my first hard on.

I Love You Phillip Morris (2009) This movie will make you laugh and cry. And Jim Carey is in it!

Torch Song Trilogy (1988) Mathew Broderick was fun in this movie.

Hedwig (2001) she just wants to be whole.

Monday, January 20, 2014

Looking Season 1 Episode 1

Will Patrick and Dom finally fuck already?  Thats the question everyone will be asking themselves by the end of the first season.

Patrick and Dom remind me of a real life gay couple I know who now live happily ever after, they were best friends first, both striking out in intimate relationships with other people, and then both finally making the most obvious choice, becoming a happy couple.

"Looking" , is about a 29 year old video gamer named Patrick whose looking for love in San Francisco.  The show opens with Patrick cruising a park for a not so anonymous sexual encounter.  The rules to anonymous sex are in place for a reason because nothing kills a hard on faster than simple conversation, which Patrick finds out later in an online meet up date, in both instances, Patrick does come off jerky.

Intro Richie, the Latin hottie homeboy who Patrick meets on the Muni train.  Richie steals the show with his million dollar smile.  Anyone with any sensibility will tell you Patrick and doesn't deserve Richie.  Theres just something about Patrick that says hes a failure at relationships because he makes everything more complicated than it has it to be, just a guess.  I hate to sound like a pessimist but I'm already looking forward to Patrick and Richie's break up.

The AIDS bomb will most likely be dropped somewhere in the first season.  It hard not to think of San Francisco and the AIDS epidemic.  But who and how will the topic be introduced?  Fade in Frankie and Agustin's open relationship, another part of Patricks circle.  Maybe Frankie and Agustin will go club hopping, do some Molly, invite another stranger into relationship, make a few bad decisions, and end up at the free clinic.

For now, the eye candy of the show is Dom, a 40 something career waiter desperately trying to hold onto his looks, yup that sounds like Gay San Francisco alright.

If my suspicious are right, Looking is going to be fun series watching Patrick and Dom discover their love for each other.  Its funny how the most obvious things can sometime be right under our noses.


                     HBO Looking characters L-R  Agustin, Patrick, Dom

Sunday, January 19, 2014

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

HBO's "Looking" Premiere

Hey Hey Hey what do you say !!

This evening, The Castro Theater in San Francisco, California., played host the premiere of HBO's new drama/comedy, "Looking" , and what a treat it was.

The theater was packed from the get!  You could feel electricity and hype everywhere in the crowd.  HBO's new gay cables series has been gaining buzz ever since the shooting date was announced last Summer.  The word on the street is that this series is long over due but nonetheless welcomed!

For those of you not in the loop, "Looking" , is set in contemporary San Francisco and is about a 29 year old game developer named Patrick (Jonathon Groff) who comes to SF looking for love, to experience life, and pursuit gay happiness.

The opening of  the first episode was great, we find Patrick cruising for awkward sex at a local park, which immediately solicits chuckles & giggles from the all gay audience.

After the screening, the panel of actors and director fielded Q & A with the audience.

This most entertaining audience question asked was, "which of the actors are really gay and which are not"  ?

I'm sure I was thinking what everyone was thinking, "who even cares, we just want to see them naked" .

And don't forget to watch, "Looking" , as it premiers on National television this Sunday (January 19) on HBO, check your local listings!

See you next time kids!


Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Not again

Who knew my first major road block for 2014 was going to be my health.

I must've picked up the flu bug from my last trip because I've been sick as a dog lately.  I'm sure I picked it up in Vegas while playing the penny slots.  I'm one of those people who likes to jump around from machine to machine, so I'm sure thats what it was.

For the past couple of weeks, I've been hacking & coughing a lot, so finally I went to the ER and they ended giving me an inhaler and aspirin.  And then, a week later because my coughing wouldn't let up, I went back again to the ER and this time they diagnosed me with having pneumonia.

Pneumonia, wtf?

Are you serious?  I've never had pneumonia in my life.

I was a little pissed the ER doctor didn't catch it the first time, you know, like when I was there a week earlier getting treated by the same doctor.   I don't want to say hes incompetent but when he asked me if I had a regular doctor that should have been my red flag.  The reason why thats a red flag is because thats a really ridiculous question to ask someone who doesn't have health insurance.  It took every fiber of my bitchy being not to say, "guess what muthaf*cker, this is the second time I've been seen by you so I guess that makes you my regular doctor" .

I mean really, if I had health insurance does anyone really think I would ever subjugate myself into waiting 11hrs in line at a public hospital just to be seen and thats not including another 5hrs of waiting in line at the pharmacy just to get meds.

A big reason why my wait was so long was because my little cough didn't take precedence over the incoming trauma patients at Oakland General which is understandable.

It sucks being poor.

I know, some of you are probably asking yourselves, "why doesn't he sign up for Obamacare" , well because Obamacare cost money and I'm not currently employed.

Ah yes, the magnificent life of being a struggling artist.

So because I wasn't ready to die, I toughed it out.  I almost said fuck it and went home.  I'm so glad I didn't.

I know this is going to sound cliche but 2014 can only get better from here!


Saturday, January 11, 2014

All The Others Were Practice - Official Movie Poster

Wow, heres the movie poster from my first film - All The Others Were Practice.  It feels #amazing

Thursday, January 9, 2014

Charlie Ballard Proclamation 2014

I, Charlie Ballard, hereby promise to continue saying what I think is funny no matter how uncomfortable or disapproving my sensibilities are to other people namely racist middle White America and a couple politically correct San Francisco dykes who will never be happy about anything. And to be honest, I don't say anything different from my straight counterparts, its not my fault we live in a generation where homophobia, sexism, racism, still exist. So to the powers at be, you can keep continuing to try and cock block my comedy career all you want because like Gloria said in the 1992 cult flick: White Man Can't Jump, "it is my destiny to triumph magnificently on Jeopardy" , and I will.  I do want to take this moment to say thank you to everyone whose ever supported my career and to everyone else, you can keep kissing my fat Gay Native American ass because you will be seeing more of me, I promise.

Tuesday, January 7, 2014


I know for a fact that I'm not a racist because I would suck any mans dick regardless of his Nationality, my only request would be that whatever background he comes from is that hes cute and washes his dick regularly.

I suppose theres so much grief in the world because everyone is working towards their own utopia.  And thats where the distress is, our beliefs and values are not all the same.

Look at Hitler, he believed his perfect society were blonde, blue eye'd, germanics and he killed off 6 million Jews trying to prove his point.

I've been thinking of my own rules and regulations for a Utopia society, here you go:

1. If we're not married by the time you're 40, our parents can legally wed us off.

2. If your dog takes a shit in public and you don't clean it up after it, anyone has the right to rub your face in the dogs shit.

3. Everyone must take 5 minute, "Twerking" , break at their jobs.

4. When it comes to dating & sex, self serving pricks are no longer allowed, both needs of the partners must be met.

5. No more handicap parking spots at places where handicap people obviously don't hang out.

6. Men must start attending Womens College Basketball games and cheer.

7. Free Ice Cream Thursdays

8. Everyone gets a dragqueen name.

9. A typical wait at the DMV will only be 5 minutes.

10. A vegan themed Disneyland. 

Friday, January 3, 2014

Native Americans: Winners or Losers

This blog topic has been on my mind for a while.

I've been thinking about why Native Americans haven't done well in this country.

1) History is not on our side.

We all know the current contemporary thought about Native Americans in regards to our land, its that we're a defeated race, we're supposedly resentful, distrusting of anyone because of how we were royally screwed over in the acquisition of this land.

We may have won a few battles but we all ended up on reservations and forced into treaties.

2) Native Inventors?

As the United States began to root itself into our lives and revolutionize the Western way of life, it seems odd to me that I can't think of one Native American inventor who ever contributed any valuable technology to modern Western civilization.

Albert Einstein discovered atomic energy, Ben Franklin flew a kite to harness the electrical current, Alex Graham Bell invented the telephone and the list goes on.

The only famous thing that Native Americans are famous for inventing is frybread and however much pride we take in it deliciousness, we really can't because that shit causes diabetes.

This point seems the oddest to me because we've lived with the White Americans the longest.  You mean to tell me that as long as we've lived and assimilated into the marauders culture, none of us have ever reached the plateau of mastering their math & science techniques to contribute anything of significance?

3) Blame it on the Alcohol.

Its true, Native Americans can't hold their liquor.  As well as the Asians, it because we don't have that enzyme that breaks down alcohol.  And we're not the true alcoholics either, its not like we've been drinking it for the past 2000 years and developed a tolerable immune system. Everyone knows there was wine at the last supper, when you have biblical scripture with wine in your testament, thats how you know alcoholism runs deep in your culture.

4) The All American.

One of our greatest National treasures in Indian Country is Jim Thorpe (Sac & Fox of Oklahoma).  He won the Decathlon and Heptathlon at the 1912 Summer Olympic Games in Stockholm, Sweden.  He also played professional baseball and football.  Jim is regarded as the Greatest Athlete of All Time.

5) The Trail Blazer

Very recently, we lost another Native American National treasure, Comedian Charlie Hill (Onieda).  Charlie Hill got his first big break on the Richard Pryor Comedy Show.  Charlie was the first Native American comedian to appear on the, "Tonight Show with Johnny Carson" .

In summary, Native Actor - Will Sampson said it best, "if we're not given opportunities than we need to start making them for ourselves" .

Native Americans are many things, doctors, engineers, teachers, lawyers, politicians, and the one thing that we're not are losers, we're capable of achieving many great and beautiful things, in all arts & sciences, we only have to be brave enough to keep walking on that path!


Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Gang Bang Comedy Show - 1/29

Happy New Years Everyone.

The Hella Gay Comedy Show is in full swing for 2014 and the first show out of the gate will be the, "Gang Bang Comedy Show" , which features our best LGBT and LGBT friendly stand up comedians from the Bay Area!

Have a great 2014 everyone!