Thursday, December 31, 2015

2015: My Year in Drag

Today is the last day of the year. Here are some of my best moments in drag from 2015:

1) Definitely my first big moment from this year came in February while attending the annual 4th Annual Two Spirit Powwow in San Francisco, Cailirnia.  For me, the big Afro wig is a huge part of my drag persona, so it made perfect sense for me to enter the powwow arena looking fabulous! 


2) In March I headed out to NYC to see one of my favorite comedians perform. We went out to East coast on their last cold weekend of the year, knowing that I needed a coat, I was so lucky to find this reversible faux fur coat at a goodwill store in SF, it just made me feel so luxurious! 


3) April was a fun month, I went to the Gathering of Nations Powwow in Albuquerque, New Mexico., as a returning host for Stage 49.  On my down time I got live a life long dream by climbing Mt. Sandra inspired from my favorite Drag movie, Pricilla: Queen of the Desert.  I was a cock, in a frock, on a rock. 


4) Oh girl, just when I thought I was done for the year, my mom convinced me to attend Rupauls first ever DragCon in Los Angeles, I'm not gonna lie folks, I took that shit by storm, my balloons made me the belle of the ball.


5) One of my Two Spirit Drag friends - Kenya Fister said to me, "it looks like you found your niche" , she was so right, here I am rocking out my balloons in June @ SF Pride.



6) In December we went down to LA for, "The Voice" .  I just bought a new wig and couldn't wait to break it in.  This look was made the LA Gays gag for days hunty.


7) I ended this year with one of my favorite people, my mom!  I got talked into doing Santa Drag and helped give out gifts to our Native elders @ IFH, that was pretty cool. 


Saturday, December 26, 2015

Mother Nature

Since last month, because of El Ni帽o, we've been getting a lot of rain in the Bay Area, it's a welcomed sight, California has been in a drought for the past four years so we're really enjoying any rain that we can get. 

Now here's the kicker, because we're getting the cold rainy weather here on the West coast, the East coast is currently getting no snow & today it was 70 degrees in Washington D.C.

Because the Pacific Ocean will be sending in cold air from the West this season, I knew it was going to cause severe tornado weather with the warm air of the Midwest.



Today, several deaths were reported in Texas because of terrential tornado weather. 

I look at this a couple ways.  This is Mother Earths way of saying, you cannot take without giving.  So in order for us to have water here in California with the rain storms and the cold winds, that was her (earth) way of keeping the balance by offsetting the weather in the Midwest.

For all the people living East of our Sierra Mountains, please stay safe and watch for weather reports!! 

xoxo



Wednesday, December 23, 2015

300,000 Views !!!



Wow, this evening I checked my blog stat counter and it said I reached 300K views.  Thats pretty amazing.  Hey, ain't I supposed to get a wish for checking my stats perfectly on an even number?

My wish is still that same, that I end up getting high paid work in the entertainer industry so I have enough money to buy a house.

Until then, here are some of my most popular blogs that I've written on blogspot over the years, thanks for reading everyone!

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Star Wars 7: Force Awakens Movie Review

This past weekend, Star Wars 7 (Force Awakens) opened and it became the biggest movie of all time.

To be honest, when I first saw this movie on opening day, it took me back to my childhood and made me fall in love with those characters all over again.  I think the Director - JJ Abrams did a great job picking up the franchise and here are some points in the movie that made me raise an eyebrow!

* When Kylo Ren captured Poe Dameron in the movie and he said, "I didn't know we captured the resistance's best pilot" , thats when I wanted to yell out, "yeah and you guys captured Apocalypse too"  ! If you don't know, Oscar Isaac who plays Po, is set to play one of biggest villains of all time in the next X-Men movie!



* I loved how C3PO cockblocked the reunion between General Leia and Han Solo.  What a dick.

* I did think the plot of this movie was totally unoriginal, I mean hello, the goal of this movie was to destroy reactor inside the, "Star Killer" , planet so they could stop it from firing again.  Didn't they do that already in Star Wars 1 when it was called the Deathstar?

* OMG! When Fin came back to Janku and he needed water from walking in the desert, did anyone else find it disgusting to see the asshole of the animal drinking from the watering hole too?  I'm starting to regret watching this movie on the IMAX.

* Did anyone else admit to watching this movie once this weekend when really they watched it 5x?

* Was anyone else loving the, "Vanilla & Chocolate Swirl Romance" , between Fin & Rey!  Hey girl, hey !!!!

* Carrie Fisher complained that she had to lose 30lbs to reprise her role as Princess Leia. Thats nice but really she needed to be eating Halls mints so that her voice didn't sound like a husky chain smoker.  For reals.

* As the old Star Wars characters were revealed in the part 7, all of them got applause breaks except for Luke Skywalker.  Did anyone else think it was strange that when Luke Skywalker finally appeared at the end of the movie that no one in the audience clapped, hooted or hollered for him?

* Which character from the previous Star Wars movies were you most disappointed in from not seeing:
- Yoda/dead
- Jabba the Hut/dead
- Darth Vader/dead
- Queen Amadala/dead
- Jar Jar Binks/wish he was dead

* Lena Dunham is more than likely planning another season of a fucked up romance with her, "Girls" , love interest Adam Driver.  And you can bet shes going to plan a sex scene where she blows Adam just rub it in everyones face that shes currently has the best man in Hollywood this year. #GoLena !!!





Thursday, December 17, 2015

Bitch

Somewhere along the way I got the reputation of being a bitch.

This blog is going to be a fun read, so lets flashback to my bitch, "awakenings" .

* While attending Haskell in Lawrence, I remember Joey aka Ron Kelsey pulling me aside at Louise's Bar to tell me that being a bitch was a waste of time.  Looking back, I think that was her way of giving me a gay intervention.  This was my 2nd time knowing Ron, I first met this Navajo queen in 1992 when I was 18 and she was a seasoned queen beyond my years.  The next time around (circ 2000) I came back to Kansas new & improved, and this time I could appreciate & understand Ron and all of her gay ideologies. Heres a classic exchange I remember having with Ron:

Ron: Hi Fish
Me: Hi Cow
Ron: Bitch .....

Haha, like I said, I was new & improved and ready for any kind of shit.

* I have to credit Adrian for sharpening my wit, another seasoned queen who took this sloppy, uncouth, raw but full of potential young queen (me) to new heights.  I really think I was ready to match wits with anybody as soon as I could go toe to toe with Adrian.  Heres another classic exchange I had with Adrian had in Peach Springs while driving around in Wesley's truck. (circ 2000)

Adrian: Hi Dorothy
Me: Hi Toto
Adrian: shit.

I think this is when I knew had the talent to the turn tables and be the bitch to have the last word.

* When I think of bitch, I also think of my friend Chasity.  She really turned into a bitch when she wasn't drinking.  As much as I liked her and wanted her to be sober, she was much easier to be around when she was drunk.  And since I sobered up in 1998, I began to understand how being an irritable bitch went hand and hand with sobriety.

* Also, Ms. Wahnee really changed my life, she helped me sober up and settled me down, not an easy thing to do.  So since she became my mentor, its no coincidence I took up some of her attributes.  She was certainly strong willed, smart, stubborn, crafty, knowledgable, and didn't put with shit.  Ms. Wahnee had the reputation for being a non-sense teacher, she didn't give away her trust so easy, she made people earn it.  Some how I managed to come under her wing and I remember other students saying to me, "everybody knows your her favorite" .  Damn right I was.

* And then, another one of my Haskell teachers said that when I missed a semester, she said everything seemed to went to shit.  Wow.  She really called me one of the pillars of Haskell.  That was so bizarre for her to say that because many times thats how I felt.  Thats the image I wanted to project, being reliable, respectable, trusted, knowing, a being a person who gave a sense of social security to the Haskell community.

And then I graduated in 2003, decided to come home and be a comedian. I've been doing comedy for 12 years now and still, I'm getting a reputation for being a bitch.

Still on track.

xoxo






Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Caitlyn Jenner, shit starter.

One of my guilty pleasures from watching television this past year was, "I Am Cait" .  This show is about Bruce Jenner of Kardashian fame who transitions into her new life as a woman.

While watching the show, I secretly wished I was in her circle of friends so I could travel and meet fabulous people, namely Boy George, Candis Cayne and so on.  I really like this show, its great television, entertaining, informative, educational and most of all, fabulous!

So anyhoo, Miss Caitlyn Jenner was recently in the news again for making insensitive comments about Trans people who aren't passable. 

Because Caitlyn has an open door policy on her website, I took it upon myself to write an open letter to her, seeing as how I'm considered a leader in the LGBT community, I decided to weigh in, heres what I wrote. 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi love,
my name is Charlie and I'm a professional Gay comedian.  I'm also a part-time dragqueen so I'm sensitive to trans issues. 
I think you're doing a great job.  No one is perfect.  As far as your comments in Time Magazine, over the years I've heard other Trans community members make those same insensitive comments about other Trans community members for not being, " passable"  .  Its really not anyones call to make a judgement over anyone else's life, regardless if we're on the 
outside looking in or the inside looking out.  All we can do is offer our support and be happy for other people, which is what I'm sure anyone would ask for. 
I'm looking forward to your next, "I Am Cait" , season. 
xoxo
Charlie Ballard
@charlieballard

p.s From last season, I didn't like Jenny's comment when she said to you, "don't be a stupid woman" , for not wanting to date men. If you like women, fine.  If you like men, fine. If you like both, fine.  Whoever you like, fine.  For some Trans women who are attracted to men and who need men to make their lives feel fur filled, that doesn't make them stupid.  Not anymore than a Trans woman who needs a woman to make her life feel fur filled. 

I know, I'm so wise. 

xoxo
cb



Monday, December 14, 2015

Love, not perfect

This upcoming year, I'll be celebrating my 42nd birthday and I'll be reaching my mid-life without ever having been in a short term or long term relationship.

Looking back, I guess I'm okay with how everything turned out.

It looks like a lot of it wasn't meant to be, meaning I had my chances with the menz over the years and it never ... and I mean never, never worked out for me.

When I look back at all of the hetero people I went to school with, many of them friends I met from different Native American boarding schools, 95% of their love life's different work out either.  On the upside, a lot of them did end up having beautiful children with their partners, I guess that was their way of giving the best part from each other after going their separate ways.

I can think of a handful of couples that made it.

I like to think if I ever met, "the one" , that could've been my life.

I remember a friend saying to me a while back, "I really thought you would've ended up with somebody"  .  And I thought to myself, "I probably would have if I took just anybody off the street"  .

Nope, I was waiting for something special.

But instead, fate would have another plan for me, I turned into a fabulous dragqueen with big fake titty's.

I'm okay with that.

xoxo


Friday, November 27, 2015

Dec 1st

Dec 1st will be the day that I start my new diet. I plan on eating salads, mostly.

And also I will be throwing in some exercise!  This past week I ran the lake 3 times. It's been a while since I was able to that, I just haven't been motivated enough to run. 

I hope to be 60lbs skinnier by this time next year or at least 30lbs lighter.  

Today I had a southwest chicken salad with ranch from McDonald's! And ... theres always an and, a hot dog with cheese/bacon fries. Like I said this diet doesn't start until next week.

I also took a marvelous shit, so all that running did pay off this past week. 馃榿

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

305

I guess a big reason (pun intended) why I'm not online like I use to be is because of my weight, I just don't feel good taking photos from the neck down.  Today I went to the clinic, saw my new doctor and then found out my weight went up again.

Initially my blood pressure upon arriving was 150, but that was right after I got off the weight scale.

Later on, my BP came down to 124.

So the moral to this story, next time I'm taking my blood pressure test first before I get on the scale. (less stress)

My check up went fine, I got the meds I needed and now I'm fired up to lose 50lbs. 

2016 is going to be all about getting back to me!!  Me me me me me!!

xoxo

Ps when I start losing weight that's when I'll start showing more than just my eyes!  




Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Life's Lessons

Lately I've been pondering my life lessons, when we all die I like to think that before we can move on, we all have to go before some higher power and answer that big question, "what did you learn in life" , and its our comprehension that determines our fate, so heres what I've learned in life so far:

* if you want to make money off a business that includes dealing with people, you have to be nice to people & sell a great product otherwise they won't buy

* hope makes change happen

* you can't make heterosexual men love the same sex if they don't want to

* family is forever and thats who ultimately counts

* freedom is priceless

Wednesday, November 4, 2015

Dream Wedding vs Reality

I've always wanted a dream wedding which included: 

* being married in a big Spanish style hacienda mansion somewhere on the West Coast
* lots of people there, family & friends 
* lots of Mexican fireworks
* an El Mariachi band 
* lots of dragqueens in attendance
* and of course, marrying the man of my dreams

But here's the kicker, all of these wedding plans came crashing down when I think of the reality of the situation:

* I'm single & have never been in a relationship, I've been single for the past 25 years and have never come close to meeting any kind of man to be intimate with
* I would like to invite many people to my wedding but I really don't have that many friends.
* how am I going to pay for this big wedding when I only make $14 an hour, shit, I really doubt that I'm going to put myself in debt over this.
* a proper gay wedding includes dragqueens, now this I could do. I definitely know at least two. 

Oh well.

Monday, November 2, 2015

Dragqueen Blues

Lately I've been feeling the pressure of being a dragqueen and a lot of it has to do with my size.

A couple years ago when I weighed 260lbs, I think I was the perfect size to do drag.

Now that I'm a busting 300lbs, my proportions are getting out of control.

The last guy that approached me on Grindr sent me a text saying he was into, "big lady's" . #fuck #you #asshole

I don't mind being a big girl but I just hate that guys think thats my greatest feature, my fat ass.

And heres whats weird, as a tour guide for the hop on hop off buses, these 
dumb tourist get to revel in my greatest attribute all day but they don't care & don't give a fuck because none of them are trying to fuck me.

Today on the tour buses I had such a great time.  I'm always coming up with great jokes or have some wonderful improv moments to share with my riders.  

Oh well. Tisk tisk. 

November Smuggary

Here's a classic conversation I had recently.
----------------------------------------

Me: hi

Guy in his 20's: oh sorry but I'm not into guys in their 40's

Me: cool, me neither.


Wednesday, October 21, 2015

R & R

Yesterday was unexpected.

I went to a foot spa with my mom and afterwards, we went to the casino.

The last time we went to a casino we did pretty good but this time we got our asses kicked pretty hard. 

We had a winning streak going into last night and all that came to a screeching halt but dang it was sure fun.

We were at the casino for 9hrs, winning, losing, winning but mostly losing.

Because ended up gambling so late, we ended up getting a room in nearby Woodlands, California.

This afternoon, we returned home, exhausted, broke & happy.

This was definitely was one of my best mini breaks I've had in a while.

I would like to do yesterday again but next time, hopefully we'll win something.

xoxo


Monday, October 19, 2015

Classic Charlie Ballard Moments !!

This past month I had a classic, "Charlie Ballard Moment" , I misplaced my iPod in my room and couldn't find it.  So I turned over my living room looking for it.  Then I went online to find it and I made it beep.  Now heres the kicker, while I searched hi & low for it, I could hear it beeping, I just couldn't find out where it was beeping from.  This went on for about 10-15 minutes.  I knew I kept getting closer because I could hear myself getting closer & closer to the beep but no dice, I just couldn't find it.  And then, I felt my back pocket and guess what I found, my iPod.  I'm such a dumb ass.

This has happened to me a few other times in my life.

When I was 10, I remember losing $2 dollars and again, I literally flipped over my entire house looking for that money and it was in my shirt pocket tee the whole time.

In high school, at the age of 16, I was playing tennis with Cole Powsky and I swung that racket so hard that I thought I knocked my glasses off my head.  So I began to freak out because I couldn't find them anywhere on the ground and guess where they were, on top of my head.  OMG, Cole could not stop laughing after he said, "they're on your head" .

So there you have it, at least I'm consistent.

xoxo

Friday, October 16, 2015

Dear Bus Driver

This poem is dedicated to the cute bus driver who gave me a ride home tonight on the 57.

---------------------------------------------------

Dear Bus Driver

I've seen you before but on another bus line.
I thought you were really hot so when it was time
for me to exit the bus, I purposely left thru the front door
so I could see your cute smile.

And I caught you looking at me in your bus mirror,
maybe you were looking at
the bun in my hair,
my kung pao chicken carry out,
my eyes,
piercing back at you,
eating you up alive,
ohhhhh, so delicious

And when I exited the bus and you said, "goodnight"
I acted like I didn't hear you because
I was wearing my headphones,
but you know what, I did hear you,
and I was just acting cherry

Because in my mind,
that was my way of seducing you,
a trick I learned from watching
an old Jeremy Irons Geisha movie,
Madam Butterfly

so the next time I see you,
get ready to pop a boner
because I'm going to rock
your world and say goodnight back.


Monday, October 12, 2015

These Dreams

My dreams are so weird.

Yesterday when I finally deleted that bitch's personal messages from my twitter account, the same night I have a dream about her with another comedian.

In my dream I remember seeing her walk this other comic in front of her like he was her dog.

And then tonight, I saw that same comic at the comedy club. 

So I really don't know how to interpret that dream, is this comic her new watchdog?  It just seemed so weird to dream about this other comic and see him at the club the following day.  I have no reason to dream about him.

In college, I was really in love with this guy and when I finally got over him, I remember dreaming about being in a laundry mat and saying to him, "nope, nope ..."  .   I view being a laundry mat as being a place to wash out negativity, bad relationships, and other unwanted junk.

Sometimes I wonder how people dream about me.

* In college, a friend said she dreamt about me that I was dressed like a dragqueen killing zombies with a sawed off shot gun. 

* In 1996, while hanging out in Bullhead City, Arizona, a friend said he dreamt about me dancing under the spotlight. 

* Another time in college, a gal pal said she had a sex dream about me.  (blushes)

For me, I can honestly say I lived out most of my dreams. 

Now what?

xoxo







Thursday, October 8, 2015

My First Movie Screening !!

happens tonight at the Embarcadero Cinema in San Francisco.  

I'm pretty excited!  It's always been a dream of mine to have my big mug seen on the silver screen!! 

So far the first review is in and it's, "charming" !!  

I'm looking forward to seeing all the cast again, they were so much to work with. 


Thursday, October 1, 2015

Highs & Lows

I usually save this blog for the end of the year but it feels like it wants to come out now.

Earlier this year, I started off with some incredible highs and in the Summer thats when everything began to turn to shit.

These were the highs:

* In March I traveled to NYC for one of Margaret Cho's tapings.  It was pretty exciting, NYC has always been a great place to visit.  I also met up with a old comedy friend - Edison Apple.  After the 1st show we hung out with Margaret back stage and somehow she talked me into dancing for her 2nd show.  Honestly, I wasn't there to perform, I was there to hang out as a fan but sure, okay whatever. I went for it.

* While visiting NYC, I got to run around at night with Edison in drag, he took me to all the clubs in the area, some fun, some just okay.  While walking around in the neighborhood, random people kept asking me to stop for a photo! I really do love drag admirers, they know how to make a girl feel special, I love doing drag even more, it brings so much happiness to people.

* In April it was time to get ready for the Gathering of Nations Powwow in Albuquerque, New Mexico.  I was such a hit last year in drag that I had to do it again.

* In May, I was burnt out and wasn't in the mood to do anything but my mom convinced to me to attend Rupaul's DragCon at the L.A. Convention Center.  I hate to sound cliche but sometimes mothers do know whats best.  Heres the kicker, I was involved in a little controversy and was asked to leave, somehow I turned it around and got a personal audience with Rupaul herself, and you guys can believe I pitched myself to be on next seasons show.

* My respiratory issues became manageable.

* The movie I filmed a couple years ago, "All The Others Were Practice" , is finally going to be seen on the big screen and then it goes straight to video.

And thats when the lows began:

* somehow I convinced myself to do a 90 Day Diet and didn't lose shit.

* I emailed Margaret to see if she left my dancing part in her special and she said no.

* I finally got fucked but I let that asshole spit on his condom for lube. (I gotta stop doing that)


I really wish this year comes and goes fast, I'm so over it.

What would make this year spectacular is if I got the call Rupaul's casting to be on her show.

I need a break baby and I think that would do it.

xoxo

Friday, September 18, 2015

The Way You Want Him To Be & The Way He Is

The way I want him to be, attractive, funny, tall, blah blah blah ......

The way he is, he picked me up this morning at the gas station, he recognized me but I didn't recognize him.  Thats the way hook up's go sometimes, they're so random you may or may not ever see them again.  This time he remembered me.  As he gave me a ride down the street, we got reacquainted really fast.  When it was time to get out of the car, like a dumb ass I give him my number when he asked for it.  What really pissed me off about that, he said he wanted to send me photos of what hes into and I said not to send them and he sends them anyways.  Now I have to change my cell phone #.

I really want to put this part of my life behind me.  This just isn't my lifestyle anymore, random hook ups, I'm ready for something meaningful BUT reality keeps showing me different.

On a positive note, one of my straight guy comedian friends did a have a freudian slip and accidentally called me, "babe" .  I think he called me, "babe" , because last week we had a good comedy talk about show biz and I was still fresh in his head and when I called him out on it, he said, "I didn't call you babe but whatever" .

Sometimes I think I'm better off with the latter.

xoxo


Thursday, September 10, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 90

Today I just don't give a fuck, I'm just glad I'm done with diet blog:

- 3 different types of chocolate candy
- hot potato with shrimp 
- steak burrito
- guacamole & chips 
- spicy Doritos chips

Wednesday, September 9, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 89

As I come to the end of my diet, I hopped on the scale to see if I was up or down and wouldn't you know I was down 1 lb.  Ain't that some shit. 90 days of this bullshit and I stayed the same.

- Boston Chx dinner w/ turkey 
- Mac & cheese
- loaded potatoes 
- mashed potatoes 
- chx soup

Tuesday, September 8, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 88


I'm so glad this "so called" diet is almost over, at least I was true to posting everyday.

- spicy ramen
- large boba milk tea
- 2 Krispy Kreme donuts 
- lays chip and cheese dip
- double stuffed Oreos
- 4 mac/cheese bites 
- cream cheese muffin topping


Monday, September 7, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 87

- half sandwich 
- chili cheese dog w/ fries
- Pringles half can
- Korean spicy chicken & teriyaki chx with clear noodles & rice
- kim Chee
- Thai iced tea w/ boba


Sunday, September 6, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 86

Last 4 Days. 

- spicy chicken leg
- 1 biscuit 
- potato wedges 
- peanut butter & honey sandwich 

Saturday, September 5, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 85

Today was hot.

- strawberry eclair 
- 6inch roastbeef sandwich 
- 2 cookies
- cup of soup
- slice of pep pizza
- spicy chicken sandwich jr.
- medium milkshake

Friday, September 4, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 84

I started off good today and then it went to shit.

- banana 
- ho ho's 
- 6inch meatball
- 2 cookies 
- Reese's cups
- mexi melt
- cheesy gordita crunch taco

Thursday, September 3, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 83

Believe it or not, I don't feel that fat today. Even though I've been eating bad, my portions have been somewhat controlled. 

- peanut butter & honey sandwich 
- half can of Pringles 
- cheap raspberry coconut twinkies <--- zingers!
- Taro Boba
- Reese's cups 
- M&m's 
- slice of pepperoni pizza
- mexi melt
- gordita Nacho crunch

Scratch whatever I said up top.

90 Day Diet - Day 82

- 2 peanut butter & honey sandwiches
- mini beefy ques
- triple layer nachos
- spicy ramen
- large Thai iced tea w/ boba
- large milk tea w/ boba 

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Kim Davis debacle

The hot gay news out right now is Kentucky Country Clerk - Kim Davis.

Kim has decided to be the martyr for the anti-gay marriage movement and refuse to issue marriage licenses to same sex couples in Kentucky, citing personal religious reasons.


This past week Yahoo has been posting many articles on this debacle, all the while, I've been leaving comments below those articles and wouldn't you know it, my comments are very well liked, so fuck you Facebook, you're not the only website with the "Like" button.

Here are all of my popular comments from all the Kim Davis articles on Yahoo:

As a Gay person, I think its nobel that Kim has decided to dedicate herself to the lord, great, nothing wrong with that BUT thats on her own personal time. The problem here is that shes reppin her Lord for a 3rd party (US Government) and the 3rd party has already made it clear what there stance is on Gay Marriage.  My advice to Kim, grow up and get over it, otherwise start a support group and work it out in therapy.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yes Mrs. Davis, keep standing your ground, so when you go in front of the Federal judge this week, our entire Nation can watch you go down in flames for violating Federal law. #LOVEWINS #MARRIAGEEQUALITY
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kim Davis has been married 4x, the main reason why she doesn't want to issue marriage license certificates to Gay couples is because she used them all. 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
OMG, Kim Davis has been divorced 3 times??? No wonder why she doesn't want to let the Gays marry, because she knows we'll do right where she went wrong! (3x as a matter of fact) #haha
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Heres whats going to happen. Kim Davis will go to jail for disobeying the U.S. Supreme Court and then all her of anti-gay marriage friends will start an indigo campaign to raise money to bail her out.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If she worked for a church that dispensed marriage licenses and the gay couple were trying to get their marriage license there, its a no issue, but since shes an elected official working for the government, (where gay marriage is now legal in all 50 states) she needs to do the job that she was elected for otherwise quit, the courts have spoken and she is not above the law. 

For all gay marriage proponents, it will take you a couple generations for you guys to get use to the idea of gay marriage or maybe never at all and my best advice for you is to suck it up. Time heals all wounds. 

xoxo
aka Mr. Gay

Heres a photo of Kim Davis from a Baptist Minister supporting her fight, just cute, now she has a decoration to hang in jail cell for violating Federal law. 



Tuesday, September 1, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 81

Fat bitch is at it again.

- bobs sugar donut
- creme br没l茅e 
- Reese's cups
- bun mi sandwich 
- candys 

Monday, August 31, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 80

Only 10 more days of this bullshit diet.  Well really it's not a bullshit diet, I just didnt have the will power to follow ithru on it.

- triple chocolate dessert
- nutter bar (yum)
- half of a subway tuna sandwich
- 2 cookies
- Doritos 
- chipotle burrito with extra steak
- guac & chips

Sunday, August 30, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 79

It's Sunday!!

- breakfast burrito 
- Tator tots
- medium fruit punch
- Arizona tea 
- lays chips 
- small can of cheese sauce 
- Reese's cup
- smoked nuts
- half of Mexican sandwich 

90 Day Diet - Day 78

This food blog is a day late.

- 2 peanut butter & honey sandwiches
- sour dough jack cheeseburger
- 2 chocolate chip cookies
- large sweet tea 
- medium Oreo cookie shake
- jr spicy chicken sandwich
- rodeo cheeseburger 

Friday, August 28, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 77

- leftover spaghetti w/ cheese
- share tea w/ boba
- 2 Reese's cups
- bacon cheeseburger 
- garlic fries


Thursday, August 27, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 76

I have the next couple days off to rest my leg.

- leftover spaghetti 
- beef curry w/ rice
- large Thai iced tea w/boba
- 2 Reese's cups
- 2 nut bags
- leftover spaghetti w/ cheese


90 Day Diet - Day 75

Last night on the way home my knee was giving me pain and now I can barely walk on it. I hope it's not arthritis, it feels like it. I'm hoping I lightly sprained it somehow.

- peanut butter & honey sandwich
- leftover beef enchilada 
- Popeyes butterfly shrimp w/ fries
- 3 cookies
- garlic cheese bread
- polenta cake



Tuesday, August 25, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 74

Today is my Friday.

- rodeo burger from BK
- jr spicy chicken
- half Pringles can
- 4 chocolate truffles, Oreo, fudge sample
- chicken pineapple curry
- large Thai iced tea w/ boba
- sweet basil chicken
- brown rice


Monday, August 24, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 73

Blah

- creme br没l茅e 
- Reese's cups
- chili cheese fries
- 2 chocolate chip cookies
- spicy mcChicken sandwich
- 2 small expensive steak tacos 

Ps we put my brother on a diet and he's already lost 10lbs

Sunday, August 23, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 72

 I got half of my bill paid off, so to celebrate that, it's ramen time!

- peanut butter & honey sandwich 
- spicy beef ramen 
- large Thai iced tea w/ boba
- chocolate cake 
- Italian whip cream
- mexi melt 
- gordita Doritos taco <--- so good!



Saturday, August 22, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 71

Just trying to get thru today!

- triple chocolate moose 
- Reese's cups
- Starbucks yogurt
- small Pringles 
- Mexican hot dog
- 2 Arizona iced tea 


Friday, August 21, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 70

Wow! Today was a big accomplishment, I managed to take 2 big shits, that's never happened.

- spicy McChicken sandwich 
- 2 chocolate chip cookies
- Triple Chocolate Moose 
- 2 Reese's cups
- Pringles short can 
- large strawberry drink
- two beef tacos
- small guac & chips


Thursday, August 20, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 69

I am so not in the mood to go run, I just want to sleep. Wish me luck on trying to fight gravity. 

- small chili 
- 2 peanut & honey sandwiches 
- trix cereal snacks
- 1 beef enchi w/ ref beans & rice 


Wednesday, August 19, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 68

I will run tomorrow, I will run tomorrow.

- large boba milk tea w/ boba
- spicy ramen
- rolo candy
- mini beefy ques
- small nachos from taco bell with beef, red sauce
- large taco bell slush
- small bowl of beef stew

on a positive note, I did shit out the cheap Oreos I ate yesterday.


Tuesday, August 18, 2015

90 Day Diet- Day 67

Honestly, I don't feel judged.  Somewhere I know someone is reading my diet journal at an open mic for laughs and I'm absolutely fine with that.

- half of a peanut butter & honey sandwich 
- medium slush
- small Taco Bell nachos 
- mini beefy ques
- beef stew
- large hazel nut tea w/ boba


Monday, August 17, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 66

Feeling fat today. 

- big Burger King cheeseburger 
- medium fries
- wetzels pretzels 
- taquitos 
- guac 
- Virgin Mary daq 
- fries w/ cheese
- wings w/ranch

But I did run the lake today!

90 Day Diet - Day 65

 It's late and I'm watching, "The Normal Heart" , I love this movie.

- double rasp cake
- chipotle salad w/ steak & barbacoa 
- guacamole & chips
- large coconut milk tea w/ green apple 

Saturday, August 15, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 64

I'm on a 4 day work week, today was super hot and smoggy.  I hated today, our SF Bay Area wasn't looking that great.  After a long days work, I almost picked up a coke can, I'm glad I put it back down.

- 2 reeses cups
- hot spud potato with bacon, cheese, green onions
- half of a mexican sandwich

Friday, August 14, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 63

Today was a good day.

- triple chocolate creme
- reeses cups
- gummi bears
- footlong tuna melt
- pringles chips
- 2 cookies from subway


Thursday, August 13, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 62

I'm in the home stretch, I wish I could've done better on this diet but then again I really didn't try. 

I almost weighed myself but this homeless guy was passed out on the healthy heart machine at Safeway.

- peanut butter & honey sandwich
- Reese's cups
- big bag of flaming fries (hot chips)
- spicy chx ramen 
- large Thai iced tea w/ boba
- large popcorn 
- hot dog
- large ice-cee 


Wednesday, August 12, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 61

I got my Boston Market on!

- 2 slices of pizza 
- peanut butter & honey sandwich
- chocolate chip cookie 
- small twice baked potatoes 
- small Mac & cheese
- mashed potatoes w/ gravy
- sweet yams
- turkey
- pork


Old Queen

Yesterday I got a triple nod for my old age.

- while getting some chili, the register girl said my hat reminded her of her dad
- while checking my email @ Starbucks, this young queens walks by and said, "Hi Auntie ... "
- while going to the Edge Bar in the Castro, the bouncer cards the guy in front of me and when its my turn to enter, he says, "go on and get in there" . (but what about my I.D.) ????

The natural course of my 40's has begun, I feel lucky just to have a few grey hairs.

xoxo


Tuesday, August 11, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 60

It feels like I'm losing weight.

- snack bars
- oatmeal creme cookie
- spicy beef ramen 
- large Thai iced tea w/ boba
- large boba milk tea w/ boba
- bacon grilled cheese
- chx chimichanga
- small refried beans
- small rice
- chips & salsa


Monday, August 10, 2015

I Finally Got Fucked - Yay !!!

This past weekend, I finally got fucked.

The reason why I'm so happy to finally get laid is because its been a couple years since I've had any sex with another dude.

The last time I had sex was 3 years ago in a bathhouse in Berkeley, the next morning I woke up in a night sweat and I thought I had contracted something.  As it turned out, that night sweat had nothing to do with me having sex, instead that was my body reacting to walking pneumonia and a sinus infection, which I left untreated.

Three years later I'm so happy to report my health is great, no diseases, sexually or physically and I'm back on the saddle, literally. #hey #girl #hey

I'm sure whoever is reading this is wondering where & who I had sex with, lets just say I didn't pay for my taxi ride.

xoxo

90 Day Diet - Day 59

This morning I woke up from a 5 day work shift, feeling tired.

- 1/2 patty melt (leftover)
- fries
- 3 bags of small chips
- cheap zingers
- Reese's bites
- share tea 
- movie nachos w/ 2 cheese dips 

90 Day Diet - Day 58

I'm starting to get lazy on my diet blogs, I'm a day behind.

- BK Chicken/Bacon Sandwich
- fries
- punch
- chili cheese fries
- 1/2 patty melt (left over)
- small pizza slice

Sunday, August 9, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 57

Subconsciously I've been trying to lose up until tonight, so I could look hot for when I give a lap dance at Peaches Christ's, "Showgirls: Experience" , at the Castro Theater in San Francisco,  but if anyone knows her shows, she doesn't give a fuck what you look like so whether I lost any weight or not, I was going to fit in with the rest of the performers.

For tonights show,  I managed to put together something cute, I was very sasisfried.

- large sweet tea
- spicy mcChicken sandwich
- 2 chocolate chip cookies
- snack cake
- snack candy bar
- large milkshake

Friday, August 7, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 56

Today I was hungry but I wasn't.  If that makes sense.

- large sweet tea
- spicy McChicken sandwich
- 2 chocolate chip cookies
- chili cheese fries w/ onions
- pep pizza slice
- small chow mein
- small spicy chicken
- big upside down cake

It seems like I ate a lot.

90 Day Diet - Day 55

It seemed like a I ate a lot today but I didn't.

- snack cake
- oatmeal creme pie
- chili beans with cheese & onions
- guac & chips
- taro blended tea with pudding, boba, rainbow jelly & ice cream
- oreo's

Okay, I'm lying to myself.

Thursday, August 6, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 54

Damn, I'm in between an iPad, iPhone and an iPod.
I took my my iPad back today, that didn't take long.

- peanut butter & honey sandwich
- reeses sticks
- spicy beef ramen
- 2 large iced tea with boba
- refriend beans & rice
- chips & salsa

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 53

I just found out that my brother is pre-diabetic, so we really have to watch what we bring home now.

- Panda Express rice bowl
- Panda Express chow mien bowl 
- peanut butter & honey sandwich
- pecan pie
- 2 piece spicy chicken from Popeyes 

90 Day Diet - Day 52

I got a new mini iPad today, my first major purchase in a long time.  I'm also more extremely tired than usual, I'm glad I have the next two days off.

- creme br没l茅e
- reeses cups
- mcChicken sandwich
- 2 oatmeal cookies
- large sweet tea
- chips
- spicy chicken ramen
- large thai iced tea

Sunday, August 2, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 51

I'm on the home stretch and have 39 more days to go.

I'm pretty sure I've gained, I really don't know because I haven't hopped on the scale.  I'm too scared to because I know I've gained. If you look at my diet blogs anyone can see I really haven't been trying.  If anything, I am trying to watch my intake.

I blame my job, it sucks so much energy out of me.  It doesn't leave me any time to commit to my diet properly.

I will definitely have to think about changing jobs soon but for now.

- 2 peanut butter & honey sandwiches
- left over ramen noodles
- 3 cans of fruit juice


Facebook Anonymous - F.A.

Hi, my name is Charlie and I use to be on Facebook.

Its been 2 months since I opted out of Facebook and thats the best decision I've made all year.

I do miss it but I don't need it.

I also quit drinking soda on January 1st, so I'm happy to report that I've been without soda for 7 months.  I'm really excited about that.  Soda was a large part of my life before that.  When I stopped drinking soda in 2003, I could feel my body withdraw from all the sugar and caffeine that I was putting into my body.  Occasionally, after that, I would periodically give into my stress and have a coca cola.

These days I'm handling my stress better and don't feel I need to grab a soda to feel better about myself.

The only way I'll come back to Facebook is if I get casted for Rupauls Dragrace Season 8, for promotional purposes.  The main reason I left FB was because of their, "authentic names policy" , which I thought was complete & utter bullshit.  Facebook has no way of tracking everyonones authentic name, the only way they could do it is if they ask all 1 billion of their users to turn in legal documents, which no one would do including Facebook, because thats too much paperwork for them.

When I gave up Facebook, I had some goals to accomplish.  Now that I have more time and concentration on my hands, I really want to learn another language and go back to school, maybe for fashion design.

So for the next couple of years, I'll be working on those goals!

xoxo


Saturday, August 1, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 50

I feel completely lazy and I'm loving it. I haven't felt this way in a while, not since I got sick.

- nachos crumbled
- whoppers chocolates
- spicy beef ramen 
- large Thai iced tea


Friday, July 31, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 49

I woke up this morning and started my day with nachos & leftovers.

- chips & cheese
- chow mien 
- 2 cupcakes
- nations cheeseburger 
- fries
- mini beefy ques
- cheesy gordita crunch from Taco Bell


Thursday, July 30, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 48

It's my Friday !!! I really want to go jogging this weekend but I don't. I think I'm stuck in a rut. 

- cream puff 
- Reese's cups
- 10 chicken nuggets
- small fries 
- nibbles of ribs
- taro milk tea 


Wednesday, July 29, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 47

It's hump day! So far I'm only working one day this week so I feel really rested. 

- crappy cheesesteak sandwich
- Reese's cups king size
- fruit punch
- cheesepuffs 
- spicy beef ramen
- large boba iced tea 

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 46

Enjoying my day off!  The only downside, it's super hot and the heat makes me feel fat. 

- peanut butter & honey sandwich 
- chicken curry
- peanuts
- taro milk tea w/ boba
- chips & cheese
- candy bar


Monday, July 27, 2015

Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead

My life has changed again.

This past month I ended a relationship with somebody who I really admired, one of my comedy idols.

I can't do unhealthy friendships anymore. That's what I get for looking up to a chronic substance abuser.  For me, my whole life has been about facing my personal short comings and dealing with those issues head on, so I've finally realized that looking up to a basehead has negated my own principles.  I can't do it anymore.

For me, I bring trust, faith, loyalty, honesty, laughter and some other great qualities to a friendship. 

I can't do lies, selfishness, self-centeredness, and that other self serving bullshit. 

I guess that's why I'm so guarded and rarely let anyone in anymore.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not jaded by failed friendships and I still very much believe in the goodness of people, I just finally stopped taking everything for face value.  

Really, the only way to get to know somebody is by spending time with them, which is why I think so many marriages don't work out, because like friendships, you really don't know someone until you've seen their good side and bad side.

I think idols are important because they remind us of the people we want to be & as it turns out, I was looking up to the wrong person the whole time, so now it's time for me to be the person I've always looked up to and be my own hero, minus all the bullshit.

xoxo

90 Day Diet - Day 45

Today is hot as fuck. I'm still feeling full from last night. 

- muffin
- Oreo cookie bites (which by the way, is turning my shit black)
- spicy ramen w/ beef
- large Thai tea w/ boba

Sunday, July 26, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 44

Wow, what a hellish week at work, I'm so glad I have the next couple of days off. 

- cheeseburger & fries
- corn dog
- mini Oreo bites 

Oh girl, she went to the buffet today and she's even going to try to list all the food she ate.


90 Day Diet - Day 43

- chocolate balls
- half of cheeseburger 
- chili cheese fries
- chipotle steak burrito 
- guac & chips
- taro milk tea 

Friday, July 24, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 42

Today is pay day and I'm also getting myself out of debt today so I totally decided to eat like a pig.  I know some are you are asking yourselves, "how would that be different from any other day" ??? It wouldn't.  xoxoxo 

- creme br没l茅e 
- chocolate donut
- chipotle steak burrito 
- chips & guac 
- chicken curry 
- Thai iced tea


Thursday, July 23, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 41

- creme br没l茅e
- maple donut
- cup of chili w/ cheese & onions
- half grilled cheese w/ bacon
- chocolates 
- 2 scoop ice cream 
- half peanut butter & honey sandwich
- 4 small slices of pepperoni pizza

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 40

Today I just couldn't finish my Mickey Dee's cheeseburger, it tasted gooey! (Yuck)

- McChicken sandwich 
- McDouble 
- 3 large sweet tea's
- 3 bbq chicken sliders
- mac & cheese
- home made chips w/ dip
- peanut & honey sandwich 


Tuesday, July 21, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 39

I had a long work week and will going into another stretch tomorrow. Now that I work 9 hour days it's really hard to make time for exercise. Let me get my bills paid and then I'll look for something better in the East Bay side. 

- spicy ramen
- gyoza 
- Thai iced tea w/ boba
- chips
- 6 Macaroons 


And these too!!


Monday, July 20, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 38

Today is my day off & the only thing I want to do is relax.

We went to see Amy Schumer's, "Trainwreck" , and it was too long. I think, "Bridesmaid" , may have created a new genre of raunchy women's comedy that might be hard to live up to.  We also recently saw Melissa MaCarthy's, "Spy" , movie and that was a bad follow up too.

- peanut butter & honey sandwich 
- nachos 
- movie pizza 
- movie popcorn 
- big slush
- mini beefy ques from Taco Bell
- meximelt from Taco Bell
- nachos from Taco Bell
- homemade nachos
- 3 cookies


90 Day Diet - Day 37

Today was so hot & muggy, I just wanted to get thru today, I have the next 2 days off so I can relax.

- cream puff pastry w/ filling
- chocoalate truffles
- hot dog wrapped in bacon
- large french fries
- smoothie
- big mac

Saturday, July 18, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 36

Long day, can barely remember what I ate. 

- snack cake 
- snack bar 
- boudin chili 
- Chocolate eclair
- watermelon punch
- pumpkin curry 
- frozen tea w/ boba 


Friday, July 17, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 35

I'm starting to feel a little bit like Kirstie Alley, she's a famous celeb who was notorious for losing weight and gaining it back except I haven't lost shit.

- creme br没l茅e 
- chicken salad sandwich
- kit kat 
- 2 cookies
- 2 large sweet tea from Mickey Dee's
- baked potato with cheese, bacon, salt, onions 
- medium cup of beef curry
- large Thai iced tea w/ boba
- small slice of pizza 

I did a good shit today, it's been a couple days since I took a good one. I have to figure out a way to take a big shit without consuming so much sugar. 


Thursday, July 16, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 34

Today was my Amy Winehouse documentary movie day! 

- Reese's pieces 
- chick stick
- slice of pizza 
- medium popcorn (still have a lot left)
- large cherry slush