Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Marriage is So Gay

Poor things, this lesbian couple got asked to flip her t shirt inside out because an amusement park employee at Dollywood deemed it offensive to other patrons.

July 25, 2011 photo, lesbian couple Jennifer Tipton, left, and Olivier Odom are seen at a coffee house in Knoxville, Tenn. The couple are calling for Dollywood Splash County to be more inclusive to its guests after they were asked to reverse the pro-gay marriage T-shirt worn by Odom, during a recent visit. (AP Photo/Knoxville News Sentinel, Saul Young)

You know, a while back I made a few comedy promo t shirts of my own and one of my comedy fans totally wore my shirt to an amusement park in Indiana and she didn't have any problems.

Here are the t shirt's Jennifer and Olivier should've wore:

I think what it boils down to is knowing your audience. The key is you want to be able to express yourself in a manner where not only are the people around you comfortable but definitely yourself because after all, that shirt is not going to wear itself.

and not to be out done, I had some matching panties made too.

I would totally love to send these ladies some of my fabulous underwear but they sold out.


Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Adam Levine & Stevie Nicks

I got chills when Adam sang the other part, wow.

Perez Hilton

Wow, either Perez has really been killing the ab cruncher lately or that girl can photoshop like nobody's business. Either way, go Perez.


Monday, July 25, 2011

Comedy Drama

I found this connected to my Craigslist add looking for talent left by an anonymous comedian:


"The original posting is below. This guy is the laughing stock of the Bay Area comedy scene and not in a good way. He is a mental case, has no talent, alienates everybody he works with and being associated with him will never be good for your career. Don't do it!" .


And this is the response I left for the other SF Bay Area Comedians on the yahoo SF Comedy group:

I'll try to be tactful with my response.

There are a great many of you in the comedy community who I truly regret not having a better relationship with due to your habitual alcohol/drug use, bi-polar/neurotic disorders, and hyper-personafied attitudes.

Having been in the business for 8 years and noticing how many of these , "characters" are in the scene, I decided a long time ago to try and surround myself with sincere and genuine people regardless of your background, which hasn't been easy.

I don't mind the competitiveness because I think it's healthy but not to the point where it makes you delusional by leaving deplorable anonymous remarks on or off stage.

But I digress and would like to wish all of you success in your endeavors.

Charlie Ballard

Hella Gay Comedy Show

2nd Friday of the Month
starting in August till December!

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Nasty Bloggers

Hey guys, a friend from Twitter sent me a note saying that somebody had some nasty shit to say about me in their blog.

If this was still 2007, I'd probably feel irate or maybe even upset over it but I'm not.

2007 was the year my LOGO clip went viral on youtube and when it did, people were leaving some pretty mean comments on my video, and me, not having any star or celebrity training on knowing how to respond, I just back commented back stuff like, "who the fuck are you" or, "what the fuck is your problem" ? The first person who loaded my LOGO clip actually took it down because they didn't want to deal with the drama, can you blame them?

This is where I started to learn how to live my life under public scrutiny, after that I made it a point not to respond to any comments on my youtube page, good or bad. Of course all the nice comments are appreciated but still, not commenting back gives me a sense of having my own private space.

Of all the negative comments I got, the ones that hurt the most were the ones from people I knew, like maybe one or two. And then come to find out the only reason why they were doing that was because they were just playing around, oh great.

Did that whole experience ruin me, absolutely not. It just made me a better person on how to deal with people.

I like to think I'm a pretty open person but when strangers start acting like bullies on any of my social networking pages, that's when I know it's time for them to go.

That's probably why I keep my facebook page private because atleast I have an idea of whose keeping tabs on me and plus another the thing about facebook is that it keeps everyone accountable, so watch the fuck what you say, I know I do, atleast on my own page.

When I got that note from a Twitter friend, I actually tried opening it but my pc blocked the website from me viewing it because it was deemed as unsafe. I was a little disappointed because I was looking forward to having a good chuckle.

I love hearing what people have to say about my work, reagardless. It really does feed my ego.

Story time.

Back when I use to bowl competitively, any bowler that scored above a 200 game was reason enough to call the front desk lady and have her announce it for the whole entire building to hear.

So that's what this feels like.

Being in show business I've learned there's no such thing as good or bad press. However, the only truly bad press one can ever get is not getting mentioned at all. Trust me, I've been in shows where other performers didn't make the paper and that's gotta be the suckiest feeling in the world.

Now, getting back to this asshole whose been talking shit in their blog about me.

Even though I didn't get a chance to read it or even google their name to see who they are, I actually do appreciate their sentiment for even mentioning me because whatever I did or say, they took time out've their life to reflect on mine and that in itself, is flattering.

But before everyone thinks I took the highroad on this, I still do have a little of that old 2007 in me for all my haters...

with love,

Thursday, July 21, 2011

The Power of My Ta Ta's

Hey guys, I was working out material at the Rockit Room this past week and a friend caught me on his phone camera.

I really enjoy bringing audience members on stage because they really do enjoy being apart of the show.

Be warned audience members, I'm not one of those comedians who will bring you on stage to rub a ballon on your hair and make a stick.

Here I am meeting said audience member for the first time and whose name I've already forgotten.

As you guys can see, I like to give my participants a little reassurance before I hang them out to dry. You guys would be surprised how a little hug goes a long way.

You guys are probably starting to wonder how did I get this guy to lay beneath me so willingly? Well, all I did was ask the audience if there was a guy who wanted to come on stage so I could ride his cock and bam, there he was. That really wasn't my intention, it was meant as a joke but fuck me if there was really a guy in the audience who wanted to go threw with it. And I couldn't back down since I already put it out there and I mean hello, who am I to say no to a guy who wants me to ride his cock in front of everyone to see.

I found out over the years a good comedian will milk every moment for what it's worth, I mean I guess could've just sat on his cock and that would've been that but then think of all the fun we would've missed out on.

Right as I was taking off my shirt, I was thinking to myself, "Oh god, I love what I do" .

By this time, I said to myself, "you know what, I need to change it up, I need to do something other than ride this guy's cock that will send this crowd into hysteria but what" , and then guess what I thought of.

That's right kittens, it was time for, "a face full of my ta ta's" .

You know, reflecting back on it, for a split second, I kind've do remember feeling his tongue lick my ta ta's, can you blame him?

Thanks to Steve Lee and Lily Tan for capturing these fun moments.


Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Chris Evans

Hey hey hey ... !!!

Today's white boy of the month is actor Chris Evans from the new, "Captain America" , movie.

Many of you may know him from the Fantastic Four and some other whack movies but who cares, this guy is majorly hot.

What I love about Chris are his lips. Most men who know how to do , "pussy lips" , are always pretty charming and if you look at this photo carefully, it's like he's not even trying, he's got it down.

I really honestly think Chris Evan's is trailor trash and that's a not bad thing. Trailor park people are salt of the Earth people. I don't know, there's just something about his photo that says he sleeps with his cousins.

This one is a little better. I pulled so many pictures of Chris Evans down for this blog I can't really tell you if it's him or not.

I saved the best for the last. This guy is cut. I thought this was his best photo that I could find. Doesn't it just make you drool?

Monday, July 18, 2011

Fucked Up

I just saw the most fucked up thing ever. I needed to use the WiFi at Starbucks tonight in the Castro but this gay couple was outside on the bench taking up all the room so I went to the club to kill time and when I finally came out, there were still there, so I was like fuck it, I'm going to load up regardless.

So while I was logging on, the older gay guy had this younger gay guy wrapped in his arms and he kept saying, "wake up, wake up... let's go home" . And the younger gay guy wouldn't budge or say anything. So for a couple minutes he kept doing that and the older gay kept saying, "you better be alright, you better be alright...wake up" and nothing, the younger guy just laid there wrapped in his arms.

And that's when I began to myself think the younger gay guy in his arms might be dead.

Just then, the younger gay guy woke up, grabbed his friend's arm and said, "I'm okay, you thought I was dead, huh" ? The younger gay guy then proceeded to say, "I just needed to show you that I could act" .

And then the older gay guy flipped out and said, "fuck this, I'm outta here" , and then walked off.

That's when I began to chuckle. When the older gay guy bounced, I asked the younger gay guy what was all that about and he said, "I was just being a bitch" .


I asked the younger gay if he really was auditioning and if his friend was a producer or something. He said his friend is an accountant for Industrial Light & Magic and he really wanted to show his friend his acting skills.

OMG, by this time, we were both laughing hysterically.

I said, "that was a pretty fucked up thing to do because I really thought to myself that you might be dead and I was going to have to call the ambulence and tweet this" .

He said, "no, he's my roommate and besides, when I'm in a bitchy mood, I make sure all my friends feel my pain" .

Again, wow.

So we both exchanged more pleasentries, shook hands and high five'd. He said, "well okay, I gotta go meet my friends at the Mix Bar" , which is right next to Starbuck's in the Castro.

I want everyone to know this is a totally true story.

It sort've reminds of a scene from the gay movie , "I Love You Phillip Morris" .

Anyhoo, here's to all the wicked people that make the world go round.


Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Weekend Boy Toy

Hey guys, here was my little weekend boy toy from Virginia Beach, I know he's going to miss me.

He definitely knew how to handle me.

Here I am saying goodbye to him.

He was being somehow at first but I wasn't having it.

He was perfect to snuggle with.

Any man that's willing to sit in the back with your groceries is a keeper.

East Coast Family

Right now we're waiting for our flight back to the SF Bay but some passing thunderstorms got us locked in.

Sometimes I think my trips are scheduled around the weather. When we were in D.C. last week, Virginia Beach got about 5 days of rain in a row and when we arrived, the rain cleared and it was hotter then a mutherfucker. Now that we're leaving, I guess the rain decided to come back, figures.

I really hope I didn't have anything to do with keeping the rain away but nonetheless the rain is a welcomed sight whenever I come or go.

We had a really great time this past week with family. We finally got to meet our little cousins and see our older family members that we haven't seen in a while.

One of the highlights was when I got to meet one of my cousin Allison's roommate - Dustin, he was off the hook. I used all of my flirty powers on him and he ate it all up.

Another little highlight was when my little cousin woke me up this morning by tapping me on the shoulder. I was like, "dude, I know it's your house but don't you knock" ? Seriously, that little brat almost gave me a heart attack.

After this trip, I really don't honestly want to fly anywhere, I'm so exhausted.

I'm glad my mom asked me to go.

Alright peeps, stay fresh!


Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Washington D.C.

It's day 2 and I'm really enjoying my stay in D.C. the second time around.

The very first time I came to Washington D.C. was back in 1989 for the Close Up Program which gives high schools students the chance to see how our Nation's Capitol functions on a daily basis.

Let's go back in time, my freshmen year at Sherman Indian High School, circ 1989, Sherman takes a group of kids to Washington D.C. for the Close Up program, I didn't go because I wasn't interested at the time. A year later when I was sophmore, I decided to stay home and attend the Close Up program with Skyline High School, the only problem, how was I going to pay for it?

Fortunately for me, my mom is savy business woman, so she constructed a letter asking donations from the Bay Area community. The goal was to raise 1500$ and that little letter pulled in 3000$, more than enough for me to go. The Skyline High School counselor who chaperoned the trip, Mr. McGibney, kept my letter for future students who needed a templete on how to write a good fundraising letter and he also created a mini-fund with the extra money for future Skyline High School students who wanted to go on the D.C. All the credit goes to my mom on that one.

I spent 2 weeks in Washington that year and from what I can remember, that whole trip is a blur. I really hated that Skyline High School group, they were all snobby and uninteresting. When we got here, I just followed them around like a little puppy because I didn't know how to lead or go do shit on my own. I know I should've went with the Sherman group because those guys were my peeps and I knew I would've had a better time with them.

Moving forward to today. I've been in D.C. 3 days so far and have been on a non stop whirlwind excursion around town.

The parade and fireworks display was Monday evening. There were so many people in the National Mall area. People were everywhere. There were two big free outdoor concerts going on simultaneously, there was one on the Capitol Hill steps and the other one was at the Washington Monument.

The Capitol Hill concert seemed disconjointed from the public, so I was like fuck that, I don't care whose playing, I'm going to try my luck at the other venue. And who did I miss at the Capitol Concert, Singer Jordan Sparks, Actor Jimmy Smitts, Comedian Steve Martin and a few others.

When I got to the other stage, the Navy band was playing. I liked this crowd way better because they were more festiv. Some revelers even broke out into a Conga line, are you serious?

The National Reflection pool was blocked off because that's where they were lighting the rockets. On the other side of the Reflection Pool was the Abe Lincoln Memorial, from my vantage point, you could see a sea of people hovering around his statue. Lincoln's memorial looked eerie, it looked like a giant man sitting in a dark room on a chair. I couldn't help but wonder what Barack Obama's memorial is going to look like when he's done serving his Presidential terms. Maybe they'll have a statue of him doing cartwheels on the WhiteHouse lawn, I don't know?

For the rest of Monday, I managed to get some time in at the Botanical Garden and the NMAI.

The Botanical Garden was beautiful, my goal was to take as many pictures of flowers as I could. That's sort've my thing, I'm the new Georgia O'Keefe of digital photography.

The NMAI was incredible. If you're an Indigenous person from North America, you owe it to yourself to visit this the National Museum of the American Indian. While I was visiting the other museums, it became clear to me why we needed our own museum on the National Mall. I went to the National Art Gallery today and saw several George Catlin paintings, he was known for painting Native people & culture in the 1800's. When I went into the National Archive Building, I saw the Fort Laramie Treaty that the Lakota's made with the United States and pictures of the Navajo Code Talkers from WW II. I didn't get a chance to visit the American History Museum but I'm sure they got some Native stuff in there too.

This is why the NMAI building is needed, it's obvious our Native people & culture are deeply embedded into this country's history and that's why I love the NMAI because it provides a brilliant space to showcase our contributions to the people of the world.

The only part of today's outing that bothered me was when I visied the National Achive building and I saw this parchment called the Magna Carta, it's an English doctrine created by the King John of 1215 which basically gives liberty to the people away from the royal sovereign. This decree is important to England because it's the basis of their Parliment. The display also went on to say the Constitution was based on the Magna Carta. That's all wonderfull and great but what pissed me off is how the display failed to mention our U.S. Constitution is also based of the Iroquois Confederacy.

And people wonder why we have casino's today, it's because we're the ones who influenced the first loop holes.

Okay, I think that's enough blogging for today.

This blog is dedicated to all the people who gave money back then so I could come here all those years ago and fart around. I wanted to write this blog to show them their investment in me didn't go to waste.

And of course, I owe this 2nd trip to D.C. to my mom. It was her idea to come to our Nation's Capitol for the 4th of July, thanks mom.


Friday, July 1, 2011

Oh fuck, where did June go?

Wow, what a very unproductive month for blogging.

Did I finally start living my life off the net, no.

Honestly, the time I spend on the internet has helped time fly by.

This month is starting off great. I'm heading to the East coast to spend time in our Nation's capitol for the 4th of July with family. I'm kind've excited, there's going to be a good blog about our trip when I get home. This isn't my first time going to D.C., in 1989, I went when I was 16 as part of the Close Up Program, which gives high school students the chance to see our Nation's capitol at work.

After D.C., we're going to head down to Virginia Beach and visit my aunt for a couple days. I've never been to VA Beach and I'm really excited about going there.

I had some comedy gigs lined up but I think I got bumped when they saw my online gay comedy clips. We'll see when I get out there. After doing comedy for 8 years, my expectations have changed about the comedy game. The political atmosphere has made it tough for me or any working gay stand up comedian to make it in this business. So for me to furfill my dreams as an entertainer, I'm going to work extra hard to win over the American audiences.

As much as I've been threw, I still can't believe I want to be a mainstream comedian.

Our generation still doesn't have any big gay comedians, don't get me wrong, there's Ellen Degeneres, Wanda Sykes, Rose O'Donnell, Margaret Cho, Kathy Griffin but do you guys see the common denominator here, they're all women. Nothing wrong with that but why hasn't there been a big gay male comedian trying to take over the scene? Okay well Kathy Griffin isn't gay but she might as well be with as many gay people that attend her shows.

I came into this wanting to be the first big Gay comedian and still want to. But we'll see, there's plenty more years left to see how it plays out. It's going to be fun trying to get there!

Alright ya'll, I'm still shooting for the stars!