Saturday, June 30, 2012

14 Years Sober

Last weekend during SF Pride was my sobriety bday and I didn't realize until yesterday that its been 14 years since I stopped drinking alcohol.

To all my friends out there who are considering quitting alcohol, do it, your life will change for the better, you'll get your life back on track, and you'll make better decisions.

To everyone else who thinks they don't have a drinking problem because they consider themselves a, "social drinker" , stop lying to yourself. To anyone whose never drank, don't start, its a waste of time and money.

I will say this, I have to give mad props to Blanche Wahnee, my old mentor from Haskell Indian Nations University. She really did help buckle me down, give me the support and positive direction I needed to sober up.

I really didn't do the normal sobriety road like everyone else. In the beginning I did go to AA meetings but stopped because I quickly got tired of listening to assholes whine about their lives, bicker about their own personal prejudices, and just flat out be jerks to people they didn't know, thats when I decided to tap out of the AA process and do it for myself.

Ms. Wahnee was the first to call me a, "dry drunk" . A, "dry drunk" , is a person who doesn't drink but still has the same old habits as a drunk if they did drink. For many years I've struggled with this and have accepted certain parts of this behavior.

For instance, I still love hanging out with drunk people at clubs because they're fun. If church people & "Stiche n Bitch" , groups weren't so uptight, I'd probably hang out with them too.

When it comes to sobriety or drinking, I try not be critical of myself and others. Either way I know its a personal choice and I respect the choices of my friends, the only thing I can do is offer support as it was offered to me.

A lot of great things did happen when I sobered up, my mom sobered up 6 months after me, I finished college, I was able to find my calling as a stand up comedian, and I feel a lot wiser.

Okay ya'll, heres to making good choices in life!


Friday, June 29, 2012

Garbage Pail Kids

I use to love collecting these trading cards back in the 80's.

Charlie Ballard Greeting Cards

I had so much fun creating these greeting cards, I've been seeing them on facebook for a while so I finally decided to investigate and create my own.

The Muppets As Cupcakes

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Channing Tatum - Magic Mike Photos

Channing's new movie, "Magic Mike" , is opening this Friday. I know Channing is banking on this movie to be a success because he has a lot of money invested as one of the producers.

And if you ask me, this movie could have the shittiest story line of all time but it won't matter because all the ladies and gay men will be paying good money to see them shake their asses on the big screen, I know I will.

Channing Tatum - Stripper Photos

Channing Tatum - Early Stripper Video

I love Channing Tatum but only straight guys strip wearing their socks.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Rainbow Brite: America's first Baby Dyke

Rainbow Brite, beloved childrens fictional cartoon character or Queer militant Dyke propaganda waiting to turn America's daughters into future bike crusading freedom fighters?

The extreme Family Rights groups have gone too far because now they're attacking any group, person, place, food, or thing that associates itself with a rainbow theme because apparently the Rainbow motif promotes the gay rights agenda.

If Rainbow Brite has been our LGBT champion then we need to start a new social movement to honor her, we'll call it, "Dykes on Horses" , ride on sister!

Gay Oreo Cookie

Oh wow, Christian Rights Groups are currently boycotting Kraft Foods because of a Rainbow Oreo Cookie they created to celebrate Gay Pride.

Sadly, this cookie won't be manufactured because it was only created for promotional purposes.

Basil Maglaris, a spokeswoman for Oreo’s parent company Kraft Foods, said in a statement that the image was part of a “series of daily ads reflecting current events in a fun way using images of OREO cookies and milk.” Kraft is not planning to sell the rainbow-stuffed Oreo in stores, Maglaris said, as it was created solely for the advertising campaign in honor of Pride month.

“We are excited to illustrate what is making history today in a fun and playful way,” she said in an email to ABC News. “As a company, Kraft Foods has a proud history of celebrating diversity and inclusiveness. We feel the OREO ad is a fun reflection of our values.”

Meanwhile, sales are up 300% from Christians Rights Groups buying Rainbow popsicles, does anyone else see the irony?

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Moving forward but where?

I've been feeling old and haggarty lately, not so much in my personal life but in my show business life.

I recently gave another comedian some advice, he's doing his first tv taping and I was like, "you have to really want it to be the best and that's how you"ll outshine everybody" .

That's cool but where does that leave me? When I got my 2nd chance to be on tv, I knew it was going to happen, I just didn't know where, when, or how.

I haven't had that feeling in a while so I'm starting to wonder if it's going to happen again. When I first started comedy I had all these goals, I wanted my own half hour special, I wanted to be on the, "Tonight Show" , and so many other things. At the time I just wanted so much for my fuckin self and boom, that's when shit started happening.

Just the other night a friend said, "omg, I thought I was older then you" , thats always good to hear because it makes me feel like I still got some years left in show business.

Just so we're clear, this blog is about getting opportunities and chances to move my career forward.

This past weekend I did a show for the BAAITS group and ended up giving a ride to some people who I met at the show. As we were approaching the Castro, parking was looking pretty tight because it was pride weekend. So, the lesbian who was riding in shot gun said, "let's just ask the Universe for a parking spot" , and boom, there it was, a good parking spot seemingly appeared to us out of nowhere.

I'm not stupid, so then I was like, " okay girlfriend, you seem like you're pretty good at asking the Universe for shit, can you do me a fav and ask the heavens to send me a hot, 230lb, blonde, big dick adonis for SF Pride" , and then I rubbed her arm for more mojo. And you know what, I did end up meeting some nice guys over the weekend so I guess all it takes is to ask, believe, and receive.

So here it goes, Dear Universe, I still want it.

And hopefully the heavens take email.


Friday, June 22, 2012

We Are Family

Its Mutha Fuckin Gay Pride in San Francisco this weekend and I would like to wish everyone a safe and happy weekend!  I'd also like to dedicate this song to all the LGBT's and all of our LGBT supporters, love you guys!


Thursday, June 21, 2012

San Francisco Gay Pride Comedy Show 2012 Recap

Hey guys, we just finished our SF Gay Pride Comedy Show 2012 at the Deco Lounge in San Francisco this evening and I am so thankful to our amazing comedians for putting on a great show and amazing audience members for coming out to support us!

Tonight I hosted the show and it went pretty cool. My only bump was when I tried to incorporate music into my act and had technical difficulty from the sound box, this minor fiasco actually turned into a running bit inbetween acts until we were able to get the music going, classic.

Our lead off comic for the night is the always amazing Kat Evasco, she deinitely set the pace for the evening.

Up next was the adorable Jenn Dronksy. Jenn is really good sneaking up on the crowd because shes so unexpected!

Tonights crowd eye candy was TJ Kelsall, his quick witt and keen observations were fun to have on the show!

Our special guest comedian tonight was Rick Fletcher, who is the worlds only redneck queer comedian, our audience just loved him.

Bringing the heat tonight is Bay Area favorite Karen Ripley! Karen could do no wrong tonight, she had the our audience hooting for more!

Karen Ripley can be a tough comic to follow when she gets hot but Loren Kraut held her own following Karen. Loren is SF's resident OCD comedian and she had the crowd in the palm of her hand.

Taking the stage next was one of SF's Most Famous personalities - Valeska Ville. You can usually find Valeska in Dolores Park singing her song parodies with a pack of smokes in one hand and a bottle of Jim Beam in the other. For tonights show I asked Valeska be sober and that wasn't a good idea, as it turns out, Valeska works her best whens shes flipping around the microphone drumming to her own beat.

I started my comedy career in San Francisco with, "QComedy" , and I will forever be grateful to Nick Leonard and all the stage opportunites he provided me with early on, thanks for being on the show Nick!

Hammering the stage next was Jessica Sele, Jessica is a breath of fresh air to have on any show!

Closing out the was Dolores Trevino. Dolores is one of our veteran LGBT pioneer comedians from the Valencia Rose and Josies Cabaret, thanks Dolores, you were great!

See you guys next time!


Monday, June 18, 2012

Adele In Drag

Photo taken from one of the longest running musicals in SF - Beach Blanket Babylon

Friday, June 15, 2012

Random Blogging

Hey all you Charlie Ballard blog readers, its been a while since I left a personal blog so here it goes, lets start with the updates.

1) I'm still fat. ----> :(

After 90 days of, "dieting" , I didn't lose shit. The reason why I put dieting in quotation marks is because somewhere on the 15th day I gave up and seeing as how I'm a person who starts what they finish, I decided to blog daily no matter how I was feeling. I suppose I gave up because I'm lazy, not motivated, and love love love the taste of junk food. I didn't blow up too bad but I'm not in a good place. I know I can do it, I'm just not applying myself. But dig this, starting July 1st, I'm going to do it over and this time not blog about it, I think thats where I went wrong. So next week, hopefully I'll do a better job of mustering up my confidence and see it thru this time. This is like my 7th weight loss challenge, fuck.

2) Gay Days in Orlando!

For those of you guys who've been following me on facebook lately, I took a trip to Florida for Gay Days with my bestie, Wesley. We had such a blast. If some of you guys aren't familar with what Gay Days is about, bascially this event is when a bunch of fags come into Orlando get crunk, to drink, do drugs and have lots of gay sex with each other at host hotel gay circut parites, at least thats what they were doing while we there. We on the other hand just ate and ate some more. We were out there exactly one week and it was fantastic. If you're an LGBT, this is one of those things that you must do in your lifetime. Gay Days draws 150,000 people from all over the world. And trust me when I say it was Gay Gay Gay !!! The passing gay conversation on the elevators was worth the trip alone. Really, there were Gays everywhere. My only negative about this event was that the lesbian and trans groups were severly under-represented, it would have been nice to see more of them frolicing about but oh well. Going to a big Gay circut party, there are some things that you would come to expect and Gay Days didn't disappoint, such as Gay guys crusing each other in the wee hours of the morning on hotel property, gorgeous gay men running around in thongs and ass-less briefs, fabulous entertainment at the gay nightclubs such as Chaka Khan, Sonique, & Maya, and especially getting the chance to meet many many fabulous super friendly locals from the area such as Comedian Jeff Jones, the Orlando Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, and many many more people who made us feel really welcome, thank you so much Gay Orlando, it was fun!

3) Homebound

We got home the following Monday and the party didn't stop. We were out basically everynight from the get. When we arrived home, sitting in the living room waiting for us was new furniture. Before I went to Florida, me and my ma went to a furniture store in West Oakland and picked out some nice pieces. Our living room actually looks like a real living room now and it was a nice feeling being able to accommodate visiting friends again. Me & Wes did a lot that week, we ate at the House of Nanking, went clubbing, hung out with some of my comedy friends, and twirled some more here and there. My favorite moment from Wesley's stay was his lastnight here, we went to the club and she got fucked up on her usual Vodka & cranberry drinks, so when we were coming home, we stopped at the Walgreens in the Castro to pick up snacks, so what does Miss girl do, she goes over to the Hallmark Greeting Card section and picks out a, "Thank You" , card for my mom, so the next morning I handed the card for Wesley to sign and I was all, "are you going to sign this" , and Wesley looks at me like, "sign what" ? When I told my mom that Wesley picked out a Thank You card for her and then forgot the next morning because she was out of it, my mom just laughed out loud, too cute.

Okay guys, that should be good for now, thanks for stopping by!


Volcanic Lightning Photos

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Rockys Frybread Merchandise

If you're lucky to live in the Bay Area, you can pick up a, "Rockys Frybread" t-shirt at the El Rio this upcoming Saturday - June 16th @ 9:00pm