Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Charlie Ballards new headshot, literally.

I did new headshots with photographer Andrew Moore.  I love working with Andrew because he brings out the best in me.

2014 Two Spirit Powwow - San Francisco

Our 3rd annual Two Spirit Powwow in will be happening on February 1st in San Francisco.  We had a great turn out last year so everyone is invited to attend, especially our Two Spirit community members who want to dress in tribal regalia and powwow.

This dance is safe place where our community can gather without judgement and celebrate our culture!

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Adam Levine - Sexiest Man Alive

My favorite White boy got the title this year.  I'm not in love with him like I use to be, mostly because of how he jilted a gay singer for flirting with him on the Voice, it came off a little homophobic, but nonetheless Adam is still fine.

The underlying question my readers should be asking themselves is if I find a man whose so attractive and I think hes a homophobe, why support him? 

Answer: I've always been attracted to homophobic assholes and 99% of the time they've always turned out to be faggot fuckers.


Native Comic Strip # 5

Native Comic Strip # 4

Native Comic Strip # 3

Native Comic Strip # 2

Native Comic Strip # 1

Hey ya'll, I made my very first Native Comic Strip, please share if you guys like!


I can feel it coming.

This past week while I've been preparing my set list for the Redding Rancheria gig and while I've been going thru my old comedy journals looking for gems I just felt this sense of discontent will all my past work.

In all my old comedy journals I saw lots of Gay jokes, dick jokes, Native American jokes, Gay Native American jokes and so on.

I just didn't see the range I've been striving for.

Even tonight as I hit a comedy open mic, I caught myself isolating my topics to the same ole shit I keep going back to.

And now, the biggest clue that I'm changing again is how I've managed to enstrange myself from the other comedians, which has been a strategic move on my part.

All the comedians who hang out together think collectively, they keep borrowing ideas from each other, thus repeating and recycling the same crap over and over again.

So for me, because I've isolated myself from them, I can clearly feel huge waves of independent thought coming my way.

And not just for me but those who are atone to it as well.

Michael Jackson used to have this same fued with his main rival - Prince.  Michael would say I need to write songs down and capture it before Prince does.

So there you have it, the creative universe is moving.


Thursday, November 14, 2013

Dr. Travis Stork AKA Doctor Hottie

I saw Dr. Stork on his tv show, "The Doctors" , a while back and he was saying how women need to be careful when they wipe their ass while taking a shit because if they wipe forward, toward their coochies, they can track shit into their vagina's which can lead to infection.  He didn't necessarily say it like that and he used medical terms, but you guys know what I mean.

So, what made me laugh was when he said that men should be careful too and that they could track shit into the tip of the penises and also end up with infections.

Now heres what made me laugh.  You guys all know I'm a homosexual, right?  Well, I ain't never had any complaints yet with any man sticking his you know what up my you know where, so Dr. Stork is trippin.


Tuesday, November 12, 2013

10 Fascinating Facts About Charlie Ballard

1. I sold the most candy bars in my 7th Grade class and won a huge chocolate candy bar.

2. I'm single because I'm scared of love. 

3. I've never met another Tauras I didn't like.

4. I'm not as funny as people think I am.

5. I love my Indianess.

6. I pick my nose and eat my boogers.

7. I've never slept with a woman.

8. I was almost ran over as a kid, the tires skimmed my toes nails and peeled them off.

9. I'm a direct descendant of Chief Pontiac.

10. I look young for my age.

Sunday, November 10, 2013

How to Write a Popular Blog

I've been reading a lot of blogs lately and it seems like the only way any random person gets any press in the mainstream is if:

- they mention that their event/experience involves a cause, lets say I wanted to promote a comedy show, somewhere on the flyer it would mention, "a portion of the proceeds go to the endangered banana slugs of the Congo..."

- "Nobody likes a winner" , the best reading are uplifting stories about people who pulled themselves out of the gutter and somehow make 200k a year.  No one wants to read about some dick head whose always doing well.

- you're white.

- "The Freak Factor" , any special niche would do.  Are you a one armed Jewish, poly-religious zeno-morph whose been reincarnated into the worlds #1 Marilyn Monroe Female Impersonator?

-  Being at the right place and the right time ready with your camera phone.  I don't how many random events on youtube I've seen with a million hits from a person whose quick to record with their camera phone.

- Any topic that is sex related does very well.

- Gossip queens such Perez Hilton, TMZ, OMG Yahoo have the highest rated blogs, who doesn't love to read or make comments about celebrities.

- Start a blog about the basic necessities such as weather, food or the human condition.

- post a topic, event, picture before the rest of the world becomes in the know.  Being a head of the curve has it advantages.

- do it the old fashion way, suck the editors dick for whatever periodical you're trying to blog for.

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Serious Player

It never occurs to me how serious I am about my art until someone mentions it.

I do socialize with a lot of artists in different diciplines and at different intervals in their lives, lately in conversations they've been referring to me as somebody whose actually doing something with their passion and it makes me feels good.

I guess in some odd way its the validation that I've always yearned for in this big party we call life.

Story time.

I haven't always been this motivated and ambitious, I had to learn it the hard way.

When I was 18, I received my NDN money and held onto it as long as I could because I didn't want to be one of these typical Natives that blew all their money on partying or crashing their cars.  For a brief second I did the smart thing and invested all my money into a mutual fund and enjoyed receiving dividends from time to time.

But that wasn't good enough, something was missing, my niche in life.

I knew the money I had was a big distraction so my dumb ass thought the best way to find my lifes path was to get rid of it because it felt like a crutch.  So thats what I did, I met up with some old high school friends in college and the next thing you know I had 5.42 cents left in my bank account.

I figured the only way I could learn passion, drive, ambition was if I made myself completely broke and started from nothing.

Believe it or not, when you're broke you learn the value of a dollar real fast.

At the time, I was fumbling in & out of school and working minimum wage jobs.  In the back of my head I kept telling myself I'm better than this.

Looking back, if I had that same amount of money today I would certainly not do those same things but as you guys can see, without those life lessons I would not be the person I am today.

There is still so much to learn.  I need to learn video editing, graphic arts, a 2nd language, and so on.

Right now I do feel accomplished and it certainly didn't happen over night but I know I still have much work a head of me and I welcome it because baby, I ain't living in my dream house and I sure ain't driving my dream car, so until then, #eyesontheprize muthaf*cka's, eyes on the muthaf*ckin prize!


Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Banksy - San Francisco Residency 2010

I am a huge fan of Banksy and lately hes been tagging up NYC with his wonderful graffiti art.  His work isn't just graffiti, his pieces do have a message, which all great art work generally does.

I was hoping he would come to San Francisco but it looks like hes already been here.  So here are a couple pieces around SF that I want to share with everybody, if anyone knows his repertoire than they would tell you his personal space is covered in anonymity, no one knows who he is.

While working as a Tour Guide in SF, I did have a visitor tell me that hes from Bristol, England.  With that being said, I wonder if hes cute?


               This one is sits above Columbus and Broadway

This one is in Chinatown and has now been defaced by taggers, ironic if you ask me.  The defaced work of this piece is right below this one.

I haven't been to Alcatraz in a while but now I want to look for when I head over there!

I'm always in the Mission, I'm surprised I haven't seen this on Valencia St. anywhere.

Monday, November 4, 2013

World Coming to the End, not yet.

For the past couple weeks, this seems to be the theme on everyones mind.

Very recently dead starfish are popping up along the shores of the West Coast.  This could be viewed a sign to the end of the world.  However, I'm pretty sure the Western states are now feeling the affects of Japans last big earthquake in which one of their nuclear plants ended up dumping their waste into the water.

And now the milk in Hawaii is 10$ a gallon making people believe the end of the world is near.  For one, Hawaii has always been expensive, from their hookers, to their many tourist traps, and now there milk, thats nothing new.

This past week my mom visited with one our neighbors who is growing watermelons in his front yard.  Hes a good grower.  While explaining his crop growth, he said, "this is how you know the world is coming to an end because the leaves are turning brown too quickly"  .  But then again, isn't that the usual cycle life for plants?  But he was able to grow watermelons in his yard so that was pretty amazing in itself!

All the signs may point to the end of the world, as I'm sure they've been pointing for a while.  But one thing is for sure, the world will not be ending anytime soon, how do I know this, because I still yet to find a cute boyfriend.  If any of you know my personal dating life than yes, you could take that a sign too.