Saturday, January 31, 2015

Miss Stage 49 - 2015 !!!!

Last year when I won the prestigious title of Miss Stage 49, it was a complete honor for me. (okay really it was given to me)
And when I host Stage 49 again this year @ Gathering of Nations, Ltd. in Albuquerque, New Mexico, I have decided to hold a contest and pass on my title to whoever wants it! Here are the qualifications:
* any age
* any gender
* come dressed in Drag or not
* share a special talent with the audience
* answer this very important "Why do I want to be Miss Stage 49" ?
* special surprise competition game judged by audience
These are the responsibilities for Miss Stage 49:
* spread good will
* have fun
* bring joy to people
* fundraise for your community
‪#‎werk‬ ‪#‎it‬ (in a good way)

Good luck to all the contestants!

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

I'm totally okay that you didn't want to fuck me

Its pretty sure my sex life is expired, so heres a little resolution/proclamation/poem to all the men in my life who should've, could've, would've fucked me but didn't:

I'm Totally Okay That You Didn't Want to Fuck Me
by Charlie Ballard

I'm totally okay that you didn't want to fuck me even though I knew you were HIV Positive and I totally put my life at risk just to fuck you,

I'm totally okay that you didn't want to fuck me because I'm a fat, femme, flaming, fucking faggot with a big forehead,

I'm totally okay that you didn't want to fuck me even though I always caught you checking me out in high school but you never had the balls to admit your feelings for me,

I'm totally okay that you didn't want to fuck me even though I took your ass to the movies, paid for your admission, paid for your fuckin popcorn and soda, and sat way in the back because I know thats where you like to get freaky,

I'm totally okay that you didn't want to fuck me (to all the guys in the SF Comedy Community) even though statistically, one of you should've fucked me by now,

I'm totally okay that you didn't want to fuck me after giving you a ride home and watching you get out of my truck as though you were expecting me to say with one last breath, "are you going to invite me in" , (I'm very happily to have disappointed you)

I'm totally okay that you didn't want fuck me even though you said you would give it up, like I never knew you enjoyed trying to fuck with me head,

I'm totally okay that you didn't want to fuck me because you're own shadow scares you, I really don't have time for that bullshit,

I'm totally okay that you didn't want to fuck me because you're a so called guy straight when really, with all the ratchet pussy you get doesn't compare to the one mind blowing blow job you could've got from me,

and lastly,

I'm totally okay that any of you didn't want to fuck me because you know what, I really didn't want to fuck you either.


Friday, January 16, 2015

Finally Happy

I'm finally happy and it only took a big blonde afro wig and 26W bustier to find it.

When I wear this wig, I bring so much happiness to people, its an incredible feeling!  Theres just something so wonderful about being a big bubbly fun dragqueen.

Another big plus are all the random people who want to take photos with me, I've never felt more loved.

Heres a good example of a conversation exchange I had with a drag queen admirer:

"when I turned around and saw you, I saw heaven" , and I quickly replied, "do you know why you saw heaven, because you're an angel" !

I do have to admit, I'm a little sad that I didn't find this happiness in a loving relationship with another man or I didn't find this happiness in having kids or I didn't find this happiness in having big successful career being as a stand up comedian but thats life, you just have to roll with the punches.

But when you do find something that is worthwhile and it makes you feel good, its a great feeling.


Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Looking Season 2 Episode 1

I can sum up Season 2 of HBO's, "Looking" , in two words, I approve.

This past week, HBO's new gay drama-dy started with a sizzle!

I can actually say that I'm intrigued and am already looking forward (no pun intended) to next weeks episode.  So far for this season, they brought a bear into the mix and I actually know another ethnic comedian whose going to be in one of the upcoming episodes, so this year we're actually going to see some variety, which truly encompasses our San Francisco community.

The only negative critique I have of this show is that its coming off a little gay cliche.

A couple years ago I filmed a gay independent movie and some scenes from, "Looking" , and our movie have been eerily similar.


I am just merely suggesting that some writers think a like and keep writing about the same shit, especially when it comes to location.

In this first episode of Season 2's, "Looking" , they filmed there opening scenes on Russian River,  parts of my gay movie was filmed on Russia River.

Russian River is great but maybe if they found some other points of interest in the SF Bay Area that aren't well known, those would have been a better choice, that way the show feels fresh.  It gets repetitive to see films and television using the same places in their shows.

My other negative is, and this has nothing to do with the show or its content.

Last Fall, I auditioned for some roles for, "Looking" , Season 2 and failed miserably.  I failed bad because I didn't start memorizing my lines until the night before and it showed in my audition.  For some dumb reason, I was under the impression that I didn't receive my sides when clearly, they were emailed along with my audition call time.   Thats what I get for not checking the attachments that came with that email.

So heres a photo of the Fairie role that I lost out to! (the bitch with wings on the left)

This actor did a great job and totally did a way better job than how I auditioned.  But you know what, I'm still learning this, "acting thing" , so I'll have to chalk this one up as a missed opportunity.

But otherwise, good job to, "Looking" for starting Season 2 with a great bang!


Monday, January 12, 2015

Facebook Analysis

Facebook just released a report that viewing a persons Like Pages on Facebook can tell you a lot about that person, here are 10 pages that I like:

1) Lizzy the Lezzy (Lesbian Cartoon)
2) New York Post (periodical)
3) Louis Smith Fan Page - (Hot UK Gymnast who happens to 
be Straight)
4) SF Eagle (gay leather bar in SF)
5) Mary Magnum (Dragqueen Comedian)
6) Erin Brockovich (Former Beauty Queen Activist)
7) Star Wars (famous Sci-Fi Movie Franchise)
8) Lava Mae (local non-profit who provide showers on wheels to the SF Homeless)
9) Bay Native Circle 94.1 (local Native radio show)
10) Big Dipper (gay rapper)

My results: I am sooo Gay! 

#im #pretty #sure #you #guys #already #knew #that

Saturday, January 10, 2015

2015 ????

I really don't know whats in store for me in 2015??

As far as love life is concerned, I do have two guys around me that I really love to flirt with.  Both of them are a lot younger than me and I keep wondering to myself how come I can't ever find someone that is my own fucking age? (40)

This evening I was watching the, "Looking" , marathon on HBO and couldn't help but think about Dom's character, who is a 40 something gay white professional waiter whose been trying to hook up with the ultimate Silver Daddy on the show - Scott Bakula.

Where is my Scott Bakula??  Why can't I ever end up with one of these hot older gay silver daddy types?  And then I came to my senses and realized, "its just television ... " .

If I ever did find a hot older guy type, I'm pretty sure it wouldn't last because more than likely he would be into younger men.   Right??  Why would he settle for an over weight, sassy attitude, Gay Native American Comedian Charlie Ballard when that muthafucker can fuck someone like Justin Beiber?

If I somehow I do manage to find a hot daddy, maybe he'll be a 40 year old pinsetter at a bowling alley, or an electrician, or a retired surfer, or do I dare even say - a professional waiter.

It doesn't matter what his title would be but I do know the sex would be good, short but good.  And I wouldn't even mind being the top in the relationship, after all, its about keep your partner happy right?


Monday, January 5, 2015

Indian Country Year in Review 2014 !!

Indian Country asked a bunch of Native Artist to reflect on 2014, heres what I submitted

2014 turned out to be a great year for me, here are some of my personal highlights!

Nationally, 2014 was definitely the - Year of the Native Activist, whether it was the Keystone XL Pipeline issue, the Mascot controversy or the fracking of Indian land.  In 2015, we'll see more of our Native communities being more politically active.

In April, my family decided to attend Gathering of Nations Powwow in New Mexico and I was interested in hosting Stage 49 again but this time I wanted to do it in drag -- and that's exactly how it happened! I just couldn't believe how well I was received by everyone, I kind of felt like Selena, look for me hosting again the 2015 GON Stage 49 with my big wigs and boots!

Sometime last year I developed an addiction for Ramen noodles, I just couldn't get enough. I think most people fear eating Asian noodles because they don't know how to use chopsticks so I made a little instruction video on how to use chopsticks!

My favorite highlight from 2014 was helping Comedian Margaret Cho raise money for the San Francisco homeless in December!  We got people to donate clothes, food, tampons, sox, blankets, money and anything else the homeless could use. The great thing about this fundraiser is that all proceeds went directly to the homeless on hand.  Some of the organizations that directly benefited from online donations were:

Larking Street Youth Services

Lava Mae: a non-profit in SF who provide showers to the homeless on wheels.

Any can donate here:

See you guys in 2015 !!!!

Dieting & Men

Like a million other people, my New Years Resolution for 2015 is to lose weight.

This is how my diet started for 2015.

For the past couple months, I've been rapping to this cute Mexican guy in Fishermans Wharf who works in an outdoor cafe.

Most of you guys know I'm a tour guide in San Francisco, so on my breaks I'll usually head over to his food stand to get a corn dog and get my flirt on.

Last week, I went over to his booth and told him that hes not going to be seeing me as much because I'll be dieting for 2015.

To be honest, I really don't think he gave a fuck.

So the New Years rolls by and I decide to avoid his area all together.

Yesterday I got really snacky and wanted a cheeseburger, so I headed to the near by Jack in the Box and guess who I see standing in line, thats right, the cute Mexican guy.

And guess what was the first thing he said to me, "I thought you were dieting" .

So to save face, I ordered a salad and a bottle of water.

And just to keep up with appearances, I asked the counter girl to give me any fat free dressing.

And then, my dream comes true, I totally end up having lunch with him.

I notice he ordered a lot of food and he's all, "do you want one of my tacos" ??

And I was like, "muthafucka, you just called me out in front of everyone, what do you think" ?

But secretly I kept thinking to myself, "I want all of your tacos" .

We we're sitting chopping it up and then he blurts out, "so why are you trying to lose weight anyways" , and I was like, "I'm tired of dating Black guys" .

Just when things were about to get good my break ends but I'm smart, I managed to get
his instagram account.

So let the stalking begin.