Tuesday, August 28, 2012

100,000 Blog Hits

Hey guys, I hit another milestone this week, I reached 100,000 hits on my blogs.

Thats such a huge personal accomplishment for me ever since I started blogging on Myspace back in 2005. I have 100,000 blog hits over a 3 year span of writing with Blogspot, I have more with Myspace but I'm only counting with this website.

I started blogging with Blogspot in 2009, I suppose I was double blogging at the time, copying whatever I wrote on Myspace to here, its a good thing I did because Myspace eventually deleted my account for lack of using it.

I was just saying to Eva Kissoon last night that my comedy career is credited to youtube.com and myspace.com

Its funny because the both of the websites have severely changed the way they run there social media lately. They have changed their websites so much if my, "Being Gay & Native American" , stand up video would have come out today, I totally wouldn't of had the opportunities I was given.

Last week I was looking at my blog stats and it said 55% of my hits come from Adam Levine's, "Half Naked Photo" , and some beefcakes photos of current athletes, USA Gymnast Danell Leyva, UK Gymnast Louis Smith, and several photos from the ESPN Body Issue.

I intentionally listed these semi-naked photos because thats what people like and it was a ploy to draw people to my blog. Trust me, if posting pics of cats gave me the same numbers, you guys would be seeing kitty's everywhere on this blog too.

But if you guys are avid readers of my blog, then you guys would know those naked pics entries are pretty random. Mainly my blogs are about life, my comedy career, funny stuff, and the sheer randomness that happens everyday around me.

Thanks to everyone and their nice comments over the years, when I write I try to be entertaining, informative, and outlandish as possible, so thanks everyone for supporting my platform.

For 2013 and beyond, I'll be blogging more because I won't be on Facebook. Facebook just takes too much of my time. Anyhoo, just giving everyone the heads up, so everyone get your, "Charlie Ballard fill" , on facebook while its still good.

Thanks for reading guys!


Monday, August 27, 2012

Underwear Comedy Night Recap

Oh my gosh, what a doozy!

"Underwear Comedy Night" , was a complete success and it was standing room only. I couldn't believe we managed to squeeze 70 plus people inside the Deco Lounge tonight.

I am extremely thankful for all the comedians who performed, I could not do these shows without you guys.

Here a quick run down of what they wore, you can tell a lot about a person by the underwear they sport.

Our host for the evening is the ever charming Casey Ley who was looking hot in his 2xist longjohns. I did not know 2xist made longjohns, Casey could easily be a model for them.

Our lead comedian for the evening was Kate Willett, who rocked the stage with a really cute t-shirt and boxer ensemble.

As the producer of the Hella Gay Comedy Show series, its my job to be unbiased and fair when I evaluate the performing comedians for my blog but damn if Nick Palm was looking all that plus a bag of chips in his boxers.

Next up was Jenn Dronsky, who brought a touch of class with her silk charmeuse nighty. The microphone cut out on her because there were some people in the sound booth who shouldn't have been there but she recovered very well, good job Jen!

Coming all the way from Fresno, California., to join in our silliness was William Lushbough. William wore jerzee boxers, which were very cute.

Taking the stage next was Pam Benjamin who wore a bra and some kick ass red panies. Of the performers, Pam's outfit was the most daring, go Pam!

OMG, OJ Patterson raised the roof tonight. He wore these ironic hipster glasses, a blazer, plain white briefs, and a Boyz 2 Men, "Hat 2 Da Back" , East coast swing tennis cap. The crowd was feeling OJ tonight, OJ definitely brought the energy and a lot of conviction to the show!

We had a lot of women in the audience tonight and Ryan Papazian had all of their eyeballs popping out of their eyeball sockets. Ryan wore his boxers and showed off his ripped body, drool.

Nick Sondhi gave a very conservative interpretation of his underwear costume, he was fully clothed except for the boxers he wore below. I thought he was very workman like.

Closing out the show in his fun colorful boxers was David Studebaker. I told David that when he takes the stage hes going to have to own it because when the Amateur stripper crowd shows up, they get rowdy and loud. Not only did David own the stage but he also had them hooting and hollering. I've never seen a crowd heckle a comedian so playfully. I heard one of them say, "Get it" and David responded back, "oh yeah, I got it" , which was met by a thunderous applause break.

Thanks everybody, great show!




Sunday, August 26, 2012

Nasty Ass Bitch

Hey guys, tonight was a wonderful night. I attended Peaches Christ 15th Annual Showgirls Experience and took part in the lap dance portion of the show. I volunteered to be a lap dancer a couple years ago and had so much fun, I thought it would be great to do it again.

Last time, my drag persona name was, "Sandwich" , which is a comedy character I've been working on. Tonight I wanted to take it a step further because my drag persona isn't very mainstream like these other drag bitches who try to take themselves too seriously.

And thats when I was like viola, "Nasty Ass Bitch" ! Originally it was, "Nasty Bitch" , but when I added, "Ass" , it just gave it that little something extra. For me, theres a, "Nasty Ass Bitch" , in all of us. Most of the time we like to keep her locked behind closed doors which why I think this character was so well received tonight, it felt good letting her out.

My personal highlight was when right after Peaches Christ introduced my drag name, I heard an audience member say, "did she just pull a lollipop out of her pussy and lick it" , why yes, yes I did.

My other favorite moment was when I got, "Prestine Condition" , whose another SF drag personality help me reenact the pool scene with Nomi and Kyle. Do you guys remember in the movie, "Showgirls" , when Nomi was in the pool with Kyle and how she writhing all sexy on him and splashing around like she was all that, well, me and Prestine ran down the aisle, then she put her legs around my waist as I held her on my left knee and watched her give fierce writhing like Nomi while it played simultaneously on the big screen. The whole crowd was really into it, they were cheering Nomi on the big screen and they were cheering Prestine too.

I had such a great time tonight, I got to meet some pretty great people.

Here are some pics from tonight, enjoy.

Here I am doing my thing, in order for the crowd to get a lap dance they had to buy a large popcorn, and OMG you guys, everybody was just yelling at me to dance for them. Its crazy too because at the beginning of the show, nobody was giving me the time of day. But as soon as they heard my drag name, "Nasty Ass Bitch" , and watched me pull a lollipop out of my pussy and lick it, I could not keep them off me.

I got to meet so many cool people at the Showgirls Experience. Heres another lap dancer from tonights show, Rachel T. Her outfit was amazing!

Its always been my dream to be a fish and wait in a long ass line for the ladies restroom, here I am in line and checking my watch like, "these bitches need to hurry up, I got-tsa go pee" .

Heres me and Rachel.T giving, "fierceness" , for days.

I was loving all the photos everyone was taking of me and Rachel, it made me feel like I was on the red carpet.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Naked Prince Harry

Check out Prince Harry of England showing off his royal bum. The only thing I have to say about his photos, theres one in every family. : )

Interesting the UK has a standing rule that photos and publicity that reflect a negative light on the Royal Family are strictly prohibited, when I was doing my research, none of Prince Harry's photos could be found on the UK web.

These photos were attained by TMZ, enjoy.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Legitimate Rape

The hot blog topic trending on the web right now is legitimate rape and of course, the person who gets credit for coining this new term is GOP Republican Todd Akin.

In an interview Sunday, Akin told KTVI-TV in St. Louis that a woman's body could prevent pregnancy in the case of a "legitimate rape."

Here's what Akin said Sunday in response to a question on whether he supports abortion in cases of rape:

'It seems to me first of all from what I understand from doctors that's really rare. If it's a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.' (az central blog)

Okay wha ???????

Akin is under the delusion that women can't get pregnant under rape circumstances which is completely and utterly untrue. I have a friend who was born under these circumstances and he lives everyday with this burden on his shoulders. Does that make my friend any less of a person, absolutely not.

I honestly couldn't believe this dickhead attached the word, "legitimate" , with the word rape. He might as well of said it was a, "good rape" , "passable rape" , "standard rape" , or a, "status quo rape" .

So I guess from now on rape victims are supposed to tell their attackers, "I want to this rape to count, so make it a good one" , or, "your my 4th rapist this month, how many times does this have to happen before I qualify" , or, "my legitimate rape card is almost full, can I take a rain check" .

As my friend so eloquently put it, when a woman gets raped and becomes pregnant, its totally her choice if she wants to get an abortion or not. There is no one mandate on how to approach this delicate matter. You can't make women abort nor can you make them carry their pregnancies full term, its a case by case basis.

But certainly, the one thing we can't do is stigmatize these rape victims with further ridiculous mumbo jumbo.


Charlie Ballard Disclaimer

Charlie Ballard Disclaimer: To all my facebook friends who are worried if I'm

offending any elders on facebook with my status updates, for one, they all

know I have a potty mouth and its related to my profession. While I do

care what my critics have to say I would also like to note just how far

the other trailblazing comedians like Lenny Bruce, Richard Pryor,

Joan Rivers, Margaret Cho, Sam Kinison, and Paul Mooney

would have made it if they let their sensibilities be impeded

by naysayers. For whatever reason if anyone feels uncomfortable

with what I have to say then theres the door. For all the people

that have supported me, you guys are the best. #still-in-it-to-win-it !!


Monday, August 20, 2012

Twist & Turns

I've been reading some other blogs lately and I enjoy the variety of formats I see out there such as bloggers who use their interface as a chronological account of their daily lives, some who express their political views while others post randomness.

For this blog, I want to talk about life's little twist & turns.

I know many of you know me for being a comedian and thats why you've been following my blogs, status updates on facebook, or tweets on twitter. Thats great and I appreciate all the support I've been given over the years.

But speaking personally, there were other things I aspired to be in life other then comedy. When I reflect back on my life, I think why couldn't I have been a scientist?

Heres why.

First, when I was in the 10th grade I burned my bridge with my Biology teacher over my tardiness. Seriously, this is what happened. At the time, I lived in the flatlands of Oakland and we had to wake up early to catch the bus to our high school located in the hills. So, as I was getting settled into my classes, on a fateful day my bus happened to break down on the way to school which happened to make me late. When I got to Biology class, my teacher gave me a study hall slip because I was late. I refused to take it because my tardiness wasn't my fault. I clearly stated to her and the school counselors that it was the bus's fault for breaking down and that I should not be penalized for a incident that was out of my control. This science teacher didn't care, what mattered to her was that I was late. Not in my mind, I refused to take her study hall slip and guess what she did, she transferred me to another Biology class because thats what asshole teachers do when they don't know to deal with, "disruptive" , students. And to be honest, I didn't consider myself disruptive. I only stood up for myself and believed in what was right. If I had came into class because I felt like being late, then yes, I would have taken the study hall slip but I wasn't.

So from that moment that when I was turned off from Science. This asshole teacher made me dislike Science because of my dealings with her.

I saw this Biology teacher again later on in the year, we were both walking the lake in opposite direction. I knew she remembered me when I passed her because of the snotty look she gave me and I hope I rolled my eyes but I can't honestly remember if I did or not because that was almost 22 years ago.

On somedays I like to believe I'm smart but I just don't know. I know as human beings, some of us are limited in what we do, so its just a matter of accepting our limitations and doing the best we can do.

But damn if my moods, feelings, and emotions have gotten in the way of me having a really cool profession.

This is what I hate.

Everytime I get a psychic reading these fuckers always tell me that I would be great designer, a great florest, a hairdressor, a fashionista, or something in the right brain of the creative arts.


I'm not knocking any of those professions but for once it would have been nice if these soothsayers would have foresaw a more challenging profession.

A couple of psychics once said, "I see you having great joy painting houses or driving vehicles long distance" .

To me, this says I'm fucking stupid and all thats all I could be responsible in life for, which wasn't very encouraging if you ask me.

I do enjoy being a comedian because jokes are like puzzles which make my mind think.

Even though I regret not being to understand the most complicated mathematical equations, I do love the limitless comprehension that comedy has given me. I don't claim to know everything but I'm not stupid enough to keep my world view singular.

Heres to finding to wisdom and making people laugh.


Saturday, August 18, 2012


So exhausted. Just got back from a mini road trip to Los Angeles, California. An old college friend stopped by for a visit and when her plans changed, we headed South for the past couple of days. We hooked up with another old school friend and went to Disneyland for the day.

Disneyland was amazing, I had such a great time. I was really impressed with the California Adventure Theme Park, if anyone has a chance to go, do it, its worth it.

We also managed to stop by the Hollywood walk of fame, it was really busy down there because the movie, "Sparkle" , was having their world premiere that Thursday night. It was nice to see Hollywood bustling, I love Hollywood glam.

We made a quick stop at the Comedy Store to see some comedy friends, that was cool. My new favorite comedy club in the L.A. area is the Comedy Store, I always have a great experience every time I go there, Thursday night was no different.

Today we began our long trek from the Southern Cali to Northern Cali. We hit weekend traffic out of Ventura but it wasn't that bad. We made a stop at Pismo Beach along the way and saw a candy store that sold chocolate covered crickets, yuck. Whats next, chocolate covered roaches?

No more traveling until the end of the month.

If anyone needs to get a hold of me, you better be tall, good looking, and know how to use your big cock because I won't be picking up the phone otherwise.


Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Kristen Stewart - Troll Huntsman

Hey guys, in recent news Kristen Stewart, the lead actress of the Twilight movie franchise was caught cheating on her boyfriend/Twilight Co-Star Robert Patterson with the director of SnowWhite & the Huntsmen - Rupert Sanders.

Okay, lets get thru the obvious first, really Kristen? You're going to cheat on Robert Patterson with your director and not with your other hot co-star from Snow White - Chris Hemsworth?

I'm totally serious, the director she was screwing around with was not only married and had kids, but he was also way older then her.

If Kristen is going for the older type that leads me to believe that Robert Patterson wasn't, "doing it" , for her.

I was just reading in the news that Kristen got dropped from the SnowWhite sequels most likey because of her romance scandal with Rupert.

Its no big deal really, I can think of a couple of other celebrities that got caught in compromising positions and who are having thriving careers in Hollywood.

Who can forget the sex tape actor Rob Lowe did with a minor and still did pretty well for himself.

And who can forget Robert Downey Jr. getting busted for buying drugs in Culver City a while back. If anyone thinks he his career was hurt, I have two words for you guys, "Iron Man" .

And we all know how this bitch got her start in Tinsel Town, by sucking Big Black Cock and having it taped, now shes fucking everywhere. Personally speaking, if being a celebrity was meant by how many blow jobs you give, theoretically I should be a bigger star than this ho.

Alright Kristen, since you're into older men, theres plenty of them to go around, just know when you open the door to date older men, they start coming out of the wood work which I guess is because they all know each other.

Coincidentally when this scandal broke, Gandolf asked Kristen for her #.

Monday, August 13, 2012


After 3200 miles of driving from Michigan to California with making several stops along the way, we finally made it home.

Thanks to everyone for following our adventures on facebook, there were several moments on our trip where, "you just had to be there" , and thanks to facebook, you guys were.



Its Monday morning and we're about to leave Reno, Nevada. We've been on the road since last Sunday, so its been 7 days of long driving.

Last week we flew to Michigan to pick up a truck my mom bought from her brother. The plan was to spend the weekend in Mt. Pleasant, drive it back to California and make a couple stops along the way, heres a quick recap of our week.

We left Michigan on Sunday and pulled into Rockford, Illinois. We probably could have made it further but we left Mt. Pleasant really late in the afternoon.

The next day we saw the check engine light come on, so we took the truck into a Sears auto shop and they replaced the anti-lock breaks. Unfortunately, that wasn't the problem with the truck because the check engine light came on again later in the trip. I really hate it when auto shops take advantage of us. Because this was a major repair, it took a whole traveling day away from us, so we made it as far as Winona, Minnesota., the next day.

Winona, Minnesota was pretty, its a secluded little town thats hangs on the edge of the Mississippi River.

We left Winona Tuesday morning and pulled into the Pine Ridge Reservation around 9pm that evening, that was a good drive. Before arriving at our destination, we made a stop in Chamberlin, South Dakota. As it happened, Chamberlin turned out to be the same town where my mom has been sending money donations to, "St Josephs Indian School" . That was totally unexpected, I only pulled off into the Chamberlin exit because I saw a sign for a buffalo burger in town.

The Lakota Native museum which we saw advertised on the highway was guess where, right on the school property. The museum was filled Lakota artifacts and culture. From there, the Sioux lady at the counter gave us really good directions on how to get to Pine Ridge.

As we started our drive to Pine Ridge we made a stop at the Badlands. The Badlands National Park in South Dakota is known for there rock formations on the prairie, it really was something to see. From there, we started driving South into the rez. It was a nice drive into Pine Ridge, we saw lots of Sioux communities along the way. Before we arrived at the Prairie Winds Hotel, we stopped at the Wounded Knee Memorial.

The WKM Memorial was breath taking. In school, I read about the events that look place and it broke my heart. Right above the field where the massacre took place, there was a memorial sign explaining what had happened and that sign was pretty gut wrenching to read. When we got there, I got out of the truck and wanted to read the sign but couldn't because there some youths parked right in front of it having cocktails. That didn't bother us so much because being former drinkers ourselves, we know what its like to cruise around looking for something to do.

As we hung out to get the feel for the area, thats when we started to get bombarded with a few local Sioux vendors. I guess because so many tourist visit the WKM, many Sioux who have goods to sell wait for visitors at the site and hit them up with their goods. My mom bought got some homemade ear rings from this Lesbian Two Spirit vendor named James. James was a good guide, he showed us where Wounded Knee creek was and where they buried the victims from the massacre, he also gave us a little info on the area and about themselves too, cool.

When people talk about Pine Ridge, I always hear bad things, ie poverty, despair, alcoholism, and so on. When we drove thru I saw hope, I saw it in a few young Lakota teenagers running along side of the road training for the upcoming school year, that made my heart feel good because I know these guys aren't letting their surroundings dictate their lives and plus they're setting good examples with their positve lifestyle. When we were driving thru Oglala I saw some kids riding their horses on a hill and I tooted my horn at them as we drove by, we both waived at each other, that was so cool.

When we finally got to the hotel, we were exhausted from another long day of driving, we settled in, ate food at their buffet, and gambled a bit at their casino.

We left Pine Ridge on Wednesday and started to head North, its always been my moms dream to visit the Black Hills and the Crazy Horse Monument, so thats exactly where we were headed. As we drove into the Black Hills, we saw a couple free range Buffalo herds. That was awesome, they were far away but it was nice to see them roaming about.

When we got to the Crazy Horse Monument, we asked if Natives get a discount and they let us in for free. The Crazy Horse Museum was awesome, it was filled Lakota tribal items, tribal flags from across Indian Country, and huge sculptures.

The main attraction was the monument itself which was pretty breath taking. The face is completed but they still have to complete his body and the horse configurations.

After spending a couple hours there, we dashed over to the Mt. Rushmore monument, we didn't bother asking if for the Native discount because we didn't go in. Sorry but after you visit the Crazy Horse monument, that really is everything. So instead of going in, we took a pic of the Mt. Rushmore Monument from the side of the road.

As luck would have it, Sturgis, South Dakota., was having their annual bikers rally. Out of interest we cruised Sturgis and their were wall to wall bikers everywhere. We wanted to eat on the biker strip but all the bikers took the best parking spots so we ended up a pizza buffet across town.

We drove for a little while longer and made our last stop of the day in Sheridan., Wyoming. Along the way, we almost went to Devils Tower, the huge rock platform from the movie, "Close Encounters of the 3rd Kind" , but we decided it was too far out of the way and skipped it.

We left Sheridan on Thursday and stared our drive thru the Yellowstone National Park. Upon arriving, we asked the park attendants if Natives get in for free and they do, we just had to show your Tribal I.D. card. The first impression I got from this place was that the old Indians use to live here, how could they not, it was beautiful in there.

Coming into the Yellowstone, one of our turns was near Yellowstone Lake and thats when we saw a herd of buffalo's hanging out on the side of the road, really, they were only 10 ft from us. That was pretty cool. I saw people getting out of their cars and I was like, "forget that" . I got stuff to do this week, I don't have time to end up in a buffalo stampede.

We saw other wild animals in Yellowstone, Elk, deer, and lots of birds.

Of course we couldn't visit the Yellowstone without taking in Old Faithful. We hung for about an hour before Old Faithful went off, that was definitely a sight to see.

On Thursday evening we arrived into Fort Hall, Idaho., for the Shoshone Bannock Festival. This is one of the best powwows in the North West. This was my idea to stop there because they usually put on a pretty great dance and plus it gave me a chance to see many people that I went to school with from there.

We left Fort Hall on Sunday and arrived into Reno last night. Along the way we stopped in Twin Falls, Idaho., to visit Shoshone Falls, which were some pretty magnificent water falls.

Its Monday and we're leaving Reno, we only have another 4 hours of driving left and we'll be home. This was a great week and it was definitely a once in a lifetime trip, I'm so glad my mom invited me along.

Thank for following my trip on facebook guys!


Wednesday, August 8, 2012


On somedays I like to consider myself a professional writer and wants to be published in a reputable news source.

One of my dreams to is a blogger for the Huffington Post - Gay Voices. You guys would think I would be a shoe in but thats not the case. The Huffington Post is very selective about who they let blog for them, as they should because their writers are a direct reflection of their brand.

I really do want that recognition of a being a reputable blogger but fuck me for wanting a 3rd party to legitimize my voice.

Last year during the Occupy protests, I was in downtown Oakland doing Vlogs for my facebook friends. I was right in the thick of things and that night, all the protestors were being rustled up and we were all wondering if were going to get gassed or not. The barrage of police helicopters filled the night sky with red and blue lights. So there I was recording myself, talking about my feelings, and trying to vocalize those exact moments around me.

Right as I was doing that, there was a news camera crew directly in back of me. Apparently my voice was projecting so loud the journalist couldn't hear himself thru my loud sassy sonic blasts. I just remember him looking back at him like, "look bitch, we both know my news crew takes precedence, so shut the fuck up" .

And did I shut the fuck up, no.

To me, this journalist can be summed up in one word, audacity.

Are you serious, this mother fucker was really more worried about my faggy voice messing up his segment and not about the fuckin tear gas that we were about to be bombarded with by the riot police.

To him and other people like this, go fuck yourself.

Just because you have access to a large market doesn't mean your shit is more important then anyone elses, which is why I continue to blog for myself, I may not have the substantial followings that other blogs have but I do have a platform because I gave myself one.

Take it or leave it.


Sunday, August 5, 2012

Louis Smith - Olympic Silver Medalist 2012

I would just like to go on record and say, "I called it first" . A couple of days ago when I was watching the Mens Gymnastic competition. I didn't know anything about nothing but one gymnast caught my eye and it was Louis Smith.

He just gave a dazzling performance on the pommel horse during the team competition. As it would happen, many of the other gymnast with more hype all faltered on this event except for Louis. Louis turned in a great team score which gave the Great Britain Mens Gymnastic Team a 3rd place finish with a Bronze medal, a feat that hasn't been accomplished since 1928.

Flash forward a last night, Louis goes to the individual pommel horse event and turns in a Silver Medal finish, you go boy!

And because I manage to think a head of the curve, thats why my blogs about him got me several thousands hits this week.

And for the record, I do know men.

Charlie Ballard has the eye folks, remember that, *in a spooky voice* Charlie Ballard has the eye !!!


Mt. Pleasant Powwow Hand Drum Competition

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Matthew Mitcham - Single Ladies Ukulele Cover

Openly Gay Australian Olympic diver Matthew Mitchham covers a Beyonce classic with his ukulele.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Madonna Tattoo's

Are you a Madonna Super Fan because if you're not, these people are!

Check it out!

Viva Madonna!