Saturday, January 29, 2011

Finally, a day off

Hey guys, I just got home from a whirlwind day in San Francisco.

The Mac World convention finally came to a close and now I have a few days to relax before the next one comes in.

I didn't want to come home right away so I decided to spend some time in the city by seeing a movie. I decided to see, " The King's Speech" , starring Colin Firth, Geoffrey Rush, Helena Bonham Carter, and Guy Pearce.

This movie has been getting a lot of Oscar buzz and I'm sure it'll atleast win Best Actor for Colin Firth's role as King George VI, a speech impaired British monarch who overcomes studdering to deliver a great speech at the end of the movie.

So anyhoo, this movie wasn't exactly playing in any of the mainstream movie outlets so I had to walk to an Indie movie house in downtown SF. If anyone's ever been to an Independent Movie House, they play obscure foreign movie trailors while you wait for your feature.

So while I was munching on my popcorn, they played this new French movie trailor called, "Of Gods And Men", and I totally saw this saw this French actor in this film who I boned earlier last year in the castro.

"Of Gods and Men" , is about a group of French Christian monks who live in a monastary during a civil unrest in North Africa.

As you guys watch the trailor, try to guess which monk I got freaky with:

Some of you guys who have been following my blog for the past couple of years may remember me blogging about this French guy I fucked.

Let's do a quick recap.

Sometime last year I was walking home from another night in the castro and this obviously tall lanky foreign guy was checking out my goods, we got to talking, and before you know it, we ended up in his hotel room which happened to be right across the street from where he was standing. I guess that's how French guys roll, they stand outside their hotels and hollar at whoever walks by.

So I totally know it's the same guy from this movie because the guy I hooked up with was a French actor and he deinitely left an impression on me.

Before we got freaky, he decided to take a shower. So while I patiently waited in the bedroom, he hollared out from the shower, "please don't steal anything" .

And I politely replied back, "honey, you ain't got shit worth stealing" .

It's just my luck this guy turned out to be a French prick. I should've left by then but the slut in me kept me hanging out.

You know what's crazy. I'm sure this French actor came to the states for a celebrity free vacation, meaning he came to hang out and walk amongst us as a normal person. Because really, if you're not from France then how's anybody else gonna know who the heck you are, espeically if you're famous?

This whole experience makes me think that somewhere in another country, my counterpart got lucky with an American actor from the movie, "Grown Up's" . *ehw*

That's the universe for you, same shit, different place.


Week 5

Today's Weigh in: 258

I lost 1 lb this week. I'm alright with that. I managed to get my 3 exercise activities in this week after a hellish week at work.

I gotta tell myself to stay away from Taco Bell after I go running, it's counter productive.


Friday, January 28, 2011

Adrienne Beasley

Hey world, here's Adrienne Beasley from the American Idol Season 10 auditions.

She's my 2nd pick to make top 5 this upcoming season.

Everyone in America knows that country music is dominated by white people and this little lady is going to change all that and if she doesn't, then something is seriously wrong with those country bumkin heads.


Chris Medina

Hey world, it's American Idol Season 10 in the United States and here's one of the early contendors from the audition rounds, not only is his voice great but the background story is inspiring.

I got all teary eye'd just watching this segment when it aired.

Chris is one my top 5 picks to win the whole darn thing!

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Mark Wahlberg

So everyone knows the Oscars are coming up and everyone has picked their favorites.

Mark Wahlberg, a former Calvin Klein underwear model, plays lightweight boxing champ - Mickey Ward, an Irish boxer from Lowell, Massachusetts.

This was a good movie, it was such a good movie that all it's main stars were nominated except for the lead title character played by Mark Wahlberg, ouch.

Melissa Leo was nominated for Best Supporting Actress for her role as the matriarch, Amy Adams was nominated for Best Supporting Actress for playing his fiesty girlfriend, Christian Bale was nominated for Best Supporting Actor for playing his crack addicted brother and the movie itself was nominated for Best Picture.

I have to agree with the nominations. I like Mark's work a lot but really there was nothing special about his character in this movie.

Here's Mark in his underwear campaign.

With a body like this who needs a little gold statue? I mean really, he's already a a winner. He's hot, he's been in a bunch of movies, and he's not a bad rapper.

Just maybe acting isn't his thing. And honestly, if you stare at his six pack long enough you'll forget what you're thinking about, I know I did, what was I saying?


January Something

Hey guys, I haven't written a lengthy blog in a while so here it goes.

My hit blog - Half Nake Adam Levine, that went viral pretty much stopped peaking a couple of weeks ago. I guess when his nude pics from Cosmo UK came out, the hype was over and the people weren't curious anymore about what was going on with him.

That's cool. I always wanted one of my blogs to go viral but just wasn't sure how, when, or if it was going to happen.

I was just fortunate to be following Adam on Twitter and downloaded his practice picture before he took it down off the web. I tried looking for it in his twit pics and couldn't find it.

I don't feel like I've invaded his privacy at all. If Adam Levine didn't want to share that picture, then he wouldn't of posted it all.

So that's my blogging style I guess. I'm only going to blog about the shit that everybody already knows about.

It's not business to be airing other people's shit especially if they're trying to lead private lives. I guess that's what seperates my blog from Perez Hilton, the Enquirer, or other tabloid media's.

It's be nice if I could get some high profile celeb's to do interviews with so you never know.

Maybe when I move to L.A. my blogs will get more interesting, only time will tell.


Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Charlyne Yi

Here's up and comer comedian Charlyne Yi. I love the "Coyote Song" . It's nice to know there's other comedians out there who do animal songs.


Channing Tatum

OMG, has anyone seen this, this is sooooooooo funny !!!! I was researching Charlyne Yi and her hysterical songs on youtube and found this. OMG, how lucky was Charlyne to get to do this with Channing Tatum.

Monday, January 24, 2011

I'm Craving Wings

I saw this wing place in El Cerrito tonight and it made my stomach grumble.

Am I giving up on my diet, no.

The best thing I ate today was a salad from work. And then afterwards I went and got a Big Mac meal. I know, I know but dang I had a long day at work.

This week is going to be a long work week for me and I don't know where I'm going to find the strength to run 3 times, I don't know but I'm sure I'll find it.

Happy Dieting!


Saturday, January 22, 2011

Week 5

Today's Weigh in: 259

I knew my weight would shoot up this week after all that soda I drank, donuts, and other junk food. I'm just thankful I'm only up 3 lbs and not more. This week has been pretty stressful so that's why I let it go but now I'm back on track.


Ojibway Sketch Videos

This lady is pretty funny, I love her character!

This is real Indigenous humor!


Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Planes, Trains, and Dragqueens

Hey good people, it's 2:30am and I just pulled back into my hotel.

Let's do a recap of today's events.

I finally got my ass out've bed around 1pm and managed to run the lake. From there, I knew time wasn't going to be on my side, so I was in a race to try and get as much shit done before my 5pm flight out've SFO.

My first thing was to wash the dishes and scrub the bathroom tub.

I didn't get a chance to leave the house until 3:30pm and then I had to wait another 15 minutes at the bus stop because the AC Transit bus driver was running late. He knew he was running late and I appreciate his knack for trying to get back on schedule because everytime he let passengers off, I could hear him saying under his breath, "get the fuck on my bus, I gotta go" . You go boy.

And of course I had to transfer a few BART trains because they're no direct service from Oakland to SFO. This is what I get for being cheap, I could've been at the Oakland Airport by now but no...... I had to save 10$ for taking a flight out've SFO.

I was waiting downtown SF and my BART train finally arrived at 4:25pm, needless to say, my train didn't pull into SFO until exactly 5:00pm. And my flight was leaving at 5:15pm. And of course I had to wait another 5 minutes for the SFO tram ride over to my terminal.

Can you guys feel how my day was going?

Okay now, picture this. Today I decided to wear my flip flops and shorts because I thought it was going to be a relaxing day. So with minutes to spare, I was running like a mad bitch through the SFO airport trying to catch my plane, flip flops and all. There is no graceful way to run into flip flops, especially if you're 6'4, 250 large gay man.

I get through airport security and I could see a guy boarding at my gate and I thought, "shit, I made it" ! And as soon I whipped out my boarding ticket, the gate attendent said, "sorry, go see the ticketing agent" , and they end up boarding me for a later flight.

I tried not to make a scene and politely said, "thanks" .

Missing my 5pm flight was probably a good thing because it gave a chance to catch my breath and get a sandwich.

When I arrived at LAX, I got my car rental, checked into my hotel and bolted for WeHo.

The first place I hit was the Fubar for Karaoke night with Bruce Daniels. I just wanted to pop in, say hi to Bruce, and then to dash over to Mickey's.

When I got to the main strip, I saw a drag show going on in the Rage night club. It was the DreamGirl Revue featuring castmembers from this season's: RuPaul's Drag Race. Shangela, a past castmember brought the house down with her Nicki Minage compilation.

After the show, the crowd disbanded and I do mean disbanded. Everyone either went over to the Abbey or Mickey's. I was headed towards Mickey's but I wanted to try something different so I went into the Eleven nightclub and they happen to be doing a show called Jokie Karaoke, half comedy & half karaoke.

My eyes lit up because I was dang, "maybe I might be able to cap off some jokes tonight after all" .

I've done comedy at Karaoke night before and it usually goes well if the crowd is attentive, needless to say these faggots were ripped and weren't having it.

And to make matters worse, the Karaoke machine went down and they pulled me up earlier than expected to fill in time until they got it working again.

I probably managed to get 3 jokes off before I got drowned out with loud drunk chatter but being the seasoned pro I am, when life gives you lemons, you make those bitches eat lemon pie.

So after I lost them, I got their attention back by saying, "instead of telling jokes, who wants to see some ass" ?

And then I managed to pull a few queens on stage and talked them into doing a mini amateur strip show while I emcee'd it. Not only was the crowd into but everyone finally loosened up and had a good time.

So that was my night.

Amazing, huh.


Saturday, January 15, 2011

Michelle Branch -The Game of Love

Love Love Love this song!! Why does love have to be this way or fuck it, why do some people have to be this way?

Friday, January 14, 2011

Universal Manifest Request

I love the Universe! All you have to do is ask the Universe for whatever you want and it will find a way to help you manifest your desires.

Here are my shout outs:

Universal Manifest Request #1) I need a car.

Universal Manifest Request #2) Gotta break into the big bucks.

Universal Manifest Request #3) I want to experience true love with another man.

Universal Manifest Request #4) Please send great ideas for jokes.

Universal Manifest Request #5) I want to live in a safe and afforable place in L.A.

Universal Manifest Request #6) I would love to have dinner with Madonna.

Universal Manifest Request #7) I want to be a rich and famous stand up comedian.

Universal Manifest Request #8) I want to continue living a long and fruitful life.

Universal Manifest Request #9) I would like to see wellness and prosperity for all my friends and family.

Universal Manifest Request #10) I would love to have hot sex with any the following actors - Ryan Reynolds, Tom Cruise, Matthew Morrison, Daniel Craig, Mario Lopez, or Jake Gyllenhall. If I missed any tall good looking hunky actors, them too.


Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Margaret Cho Painting

I thought this was really sweet and endearing.


"Margaret Cho” by Julie Bolene

Everything But The Girl

Dragqueens don't get enough credit, this song reminds me of a weekend trip to Las Vegas back in the 90's when we saw this dragqueen give a killer performance to this song. It was emotional, it had depth, feeling, and everything that makes Drag Art fabulous!


Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Full Circle

This past weekend in L.A. I experienced one of those full circle moments that sometimes happen in life.

After hanging out at the Olympic Improv for the Sunday night Open Mic I drove to the Hollywood Improv and of course it was closed. The bar was still open and I wanted to pop in and see who was still around.

And sitting there was, Gene Pompa, the first man to ever give me a break at the Hollywood Improv.

I know this is an old story but I never get tired of telling it. Back in 2005 on my very first outing to L.A, I was very fortunate to be the Hollywood Improv at the right place and at the right time.

I was talking to this comic outside named Gene and without ever knowing who I was or where I came from, he got me onto to the 10pm show that same eveing.

Afterwards, he said to me, "when I started out, I would've never tried what you just did" . I guess he thought I was conspiring to get on the Hollywood Improv stage any way I could. I wasn't and I didn't.

Plain and simple Gene offered it and I took it. It's be no different if some hot dude asked me to suck his dick, I mean hello, of oourse I'm gonna say yeah.

So anyhoo, I popped in to the Improv and Gene was sitting there sipping on his wine. I asked him if he remembered me and he said yes. He says he did but I'm sure he forgot. I reminded him of how he got me on stage and he was like, "oh yeah" .

That's classic Gene Pompa for you.

I told him that since I saw him last, I turned into a headliner and can carry some time.

He looked at me and said, "that's cool, I'm glad you didn't puss out" .

That man does not miss a beat.

Thanks Gene!


Sunday, January 9, 2011

Joie de Vivre

Pulled into L.A. earlier this evening and finally made it back to the hotel.

The name of the hotel is Joie de Vivre, which is French for, "Joy of Life" . It's kind've nice really.

I had a really good night out on the town. The people were so nice out, everywhere I turned people were smiling. I'm convinced this whole town is medicated, no one can be that happy all the time.

Nonetheless, it was a very welcoming atmosphere.

I went to the Hollywood Improv and tried to catch the 10pm show. They sold out so I got turned away. No worries, there's like 3 other comedy clubs in town so I just headed to the next one.

I ended up at the Comedy Store and caught Carlos Mencia do a 45 minute set. His opening joke bombed but after that he put on a show that was worthy of the Comedy Store stage. I know he bumped a few comedians because he was up there for a while.

Does anybody remember the lady comic who won Last Comic Standing a few years back - Iliza Schelinger, probably not. Anyhoo, she was supposed to be on the next but she got bumped. You could tell she was irate because she kept going in & out of the green room. All I could think was good, I knew after watching Carlos Mencia do a 45 minute set there was no way in hell no one was going to be able to follow that, maybe another big time comedian but that wasn't happening.

And then Iliza came on stage early because the sound box guy and Carlos kept fucking up her name. They were like, "coming to the stage, Iliza Schlessingher something" ... " . I really tried to stay and watch her show but all I heard her say was, "I'm Jewish..." and that was enough for me so I was out've there.

No wonder why some comedians have stage names, probably because they got tired of their long names getting butchered by other comedians.

Since it's Saturday night, ya'll know I had to end my night at the Arena dance club on Santa Monica Blvd. That's my favorite spot in town on a Sat. night! Love it Love it love it !!!!

I know I'm supposed to be dieting but I can't be anywhere near a bunch of Latino's without a Mexican hot dog cart being close by, so you guys know I had to get me one. A Mexican hot dog is wrapped in bacon, cooked, and served with grilled onions. They're so good.

I got a full day tomorrow, I just gotta remember to take my camera and do some sightseeing.

Anyhoo, that's my night.

I got my show tomorrow for the Nonstop Comedy Show in Santa Monica and I'm looking forward to it.


Thursday, January 6, 2011

Naked Adam Levine

Hey everybody, here's the follow up to my Half Naked Adam Levine blog.

Adam Levine recently decided to pose nude for Cosmo UK to help raise awareness for prostate and testicular cancer.

Wow, are you kidding me. Hot Hot Hot !!!!

I love these pictures, it feels like Adam is staring me right me right in the eye and saying, "I got your bon bon's right here" !!

Those lucky hands covering her crotch belong to his girlfriend, lucky girl.

I just pulled this quote down from:

"As much as I enjoy being naked for a good cause. I also just enjoy being naked. Period" .

Okay guys, well I have to go take a bubble bath now. *winks*


Visual Aid

Hey everybody, here's a picture of how my blog stats have been looking lately. I think you guys can see the real difference lately with how some blogs are more popular than others.

My goal is to get more blog hits per day, so after a year of blogging, I think I'm finally starting to crack into the world of what people like to search online. We'll see if I can sustain and keep getting better.

So thanks again everybody for reading my blogs!


p.s. please click the picture for better a view

Khloe Kardashian

Everyone in the pop culture world knows about the Kadashians family but this blog is about Khloe.

The main reason why I decided to blog about Khloe Kadashian is because in one of last season's episodes of, "Keeping up with the Kadashian's" , Khloe decided to pose for naked for PETA's, "I'd rather be naked than wear Fur" , ad campaign promoting the ethical treatment of animals.

At first she was hesistant because she felt a little insecure about showing off her curvy body. In that season she also mentioned how she manages to work threw severe body image issues from being compared to her two more thinner sisters, Kourtney and Kim.

So what I admire about Khloe is how she embraced her bodacious body and rolled with it, you go girl!

Being a person of size I can totally relate the pressures of the sizest pop culture world we live in. It doesn't have to be that way so much kudos to Khloe for changing that old Hollywood status quo that we all have to look super skinny in order to be socially acceptable.

I love Khloe's courage because she shows the world it's okay to be a girl of size with some bad ass curves. I was wondering who was going to take Anna Nicole Smith's place and I think we found her!

And honestly, I don't even know what Khloe is trippin over, she's not even big either.

Here's a picture of what a real big girl with sexy mama curve's looks like! Hey girl Hey !!!! And yes that's me!

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Ode to Canada!!

As promised, I would dedicate a special blog to the which ever foreign country I get the most hits from in there Native language, and this month's winner is Canada.

And since Canada uses proper English like we do, I came up with another great little way to appreciate all my Canadian readers. So I'm going to end all my sentences with the infamous Canadian expression - aye. If anyone's never spoke to a hardcore Canadian, they have a tendency to finish their sentences with the word - aye. I'm guessing they use the word aye as a way to reaffirm to their intentions to the person they're talking to.

For instance:

"Hey guys, I'm going to the store to get some bacon, aye"

"My wife's on her period, aye"

"Damn it's sure cold in Canada, why couldn't we live in Florida, aye"

I think you guys get the point.

Thanks to all my Canadian readers! You guys are awesome, aye.


Matthew Morrison

Wow, has anybody seen the new photo spread of Matthew Morrison in this month's issue of Details?

If some of you aren't familiar with Matthew, he's one of the stars from the hit musical tv show - Glee. Which I don't watch but I hear it's good. Frankley, the tv show Glee looks really gay and my head would probably explode if I watched it.

Back to Matthew, isn't he a hottie. I read some of this interview and he said during his work out regimine, he only eats a handful of nuts when dieting. I'm gonna stay away from commenting on that but wow, whatever he's doing, he looks great.

This pic of Matt is hot but why is he carrying a hammer out've the water?

Matthew Morrison is definitely cover material, he's so cute he almost makes me want to watch Glee, almost.


Yay, I just checked my personal website:

and at exactly 2:14 am, it finally reached 10,000 views!

That's amazing! I must've timed it just right because it's exactly at 10,000 right now!

Not 10,001 or 10,003, or 9,998 but at 10,000 perfectly !!

So I think because I managed to look at the hit counter exactly at the 10,000 mark, that means I get to make a wish to myself. Usually when something like this happens, you're supposed to keep the wish to yourself but because this is a very special occasion, I'm going to share my wish with everyone.

So here's my wish, I wish that I may continue to be a successful stand up comedian and makes lot of money doing this.

Yay! Wow, 10,000 hits.

Oh gee, I've probably had my promo wesbite for a couple years now and it seems like it took forever just to get to that milestone. It'd be nice if my website hit counter were in the milliions but hey I'm working on it.

I'm so happy and grateful for the web traffic I do get.

So I say this with much gratitude, humbleness and humility, thank you all very much!



Sunday, January 2, 2011

Top 10 Male Bonding Activities

I pulled this down from, which I think is the most latent homosexual website ever. I mean really, why do men need to know other's men issues unless they're trying to hook with them?

So here's the break down of the Top 10 Male Bonding activities with my own gay explanations of why men like to hang out with each other.

10) Fixing something - I think being a good mechanic makes men feel sexual. This activity empowers them and makes them feel like they're in control.

9) The Barbershop - Men like to gossip, this is there time when they like to let the girl out.

8) Playing Video Games - This is one of the most ultimate guy on guy past times. This activity is intimate because it's very subtle. If a dude invites another dude to come over and play video games, he's only doing it to check him out.

7) Working Out - This is good one. Personally I like to workout and I hate it when other dudes are checking me out when I'm lifting. Mostly because it's my time and I'm not there to hook up. But if you're lifting with a buddy, then most likely somebody is going to "accidentally" , pop a boner.

6) Going to a Strip Club - There's nothing hotter than a bunch of dudes sitting next to each other getting boners.

5) Watching the Game - Sports are great, they're fun to watch, exciting and there's a lot of plays to be made. But what seriously blows my mind is when a bunch of men get together and watch another group of men in spandex swinging fallic symbols while patting each other on the butt. Whatever, that's gay.

4) Shooting Some Hoops - this is a step up from #5. Guys like watching guys play with each other so much they want to take part in it, they make it seem enticing.

3) Fishing or Camping - I have only two words for this, "Brokeback Mountain" .

2) Grilling/BBQ - This is how you can tell if your man is gay or not. If he likes grilling hamburgers, congrats, this is the future father of your children. If he likes grilling hot dogs more than honey.. let him go.

1) Grabbing a beer after work - Oh lord... oh lord... if I had a penny for everytime some dude try to mack on me when he was drunk then I'd have enough to buy a brand new car. Whatever. The only reason why guys drink is because it gives them an excuse to bust a move. Right, when have you ever not heard a guy say this line, "oh, I only did that because I was drunk" , yeah right. You did it because you really want to do it.

Other fun male bonding activities:

Wrestling - Men love showing affection thru physical dominance, after he pins you down, reach around and squeeze hit butt.

Spooning - Spooning is cuddling to stay warm, take it a step further and reach into his pants.

Taking a Piss - One of the ultimate guy bonding activities is taking a piss together at the trough, men will take it as insult if you don't look at their junk.

Orgy - enough said. 

Showering together - Have you ever noticed guys like staring at other each while in the communal shower stalls?  I say, if they want to stare, give them something to stare at by grabbing your sponge and cleaning your asshole right in front of them.

And thats my summary. I believe that most men are bisexual and there's nothing wrong that, what's not to like about other men.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Week 1

Today's Weigh in: 262

I think I've gained about 8 lbs since stopping 2 months ago. I'm alright with that. I really let myself go back in November, I drank a lot of soda and ate a lot of fast food.

Why I decided to do this again. Lately I've been having anxiety attacks in my sleep. I've been waking up with shortness of breath or my breathing has been off. I did some research online yesterday and basically it said, in order to relieve those symptons, I'll have to get more rest, eat, and exercise better.

I'm 36 years old and it's now or never. I can't continue to live my live strung out on stress. It's affecting the way I look, my eating habits, and now the way I sleep.

Here we go!

This is what I want for 2011 !!

Okay dig this.

A couple months ago when I was waiting at the Brainwash Cafe for another night of open mic comedy, I happend to come across this NYC social magazine that featured an article on a Go Go dancer who makes his own jewelry - Vic Banker.

Here's his picture below, I know, sexy right? What caught my eye about him right away were his glasses. For those of you who don't know, the big 80's style frames are back in fashion and when Vic was rocking those glasses and his g string in his photo spread, he was looking mad cute.

I never did keep that magazine and for the life of me, I could not remember his name.

Earlier tonight when I was stalking.. ur.. ooops. I mean researching this other Go Go dancer from NYC - Geronimo Frias, I found Vic on Geronimo's facebook page and as it turns out, I guess all the hot Go Go dancers in NYC know each other.

Below is a photo of Vic modeling a beautiful necklace he designed, which you can find on his website:

I also like this one of Vic, he's so hot! I can't decide which I like more, the necklace or him, probably both.

I really like his jewelry, it definitely has some middle eastern flair to it.

Did I mention that both of these Go Go dancers, Geronimo and Vic are straight?

That's right ladies, so if I were you guys, I'd be calling in orders for Valentines and Christmas right now.

Of course Victor is straight because I'm only attracted to straight men but who isn't, right?

Personally if I was a real woman I wouldn't have a problem if my man had a gay for pay job, just as long he knows who to come home to, it's all good.

But because this is the Charlie Ballard blog, ya'll know I got's to keep it real.

I am serioulsy thinking about going all the way to NYC just to see if can watch him shake his booty in person, we'll see. Atleast I have something to look forward to the next time I'm in the Big Apple.

He can be straight all he wants, I just want to borrow him for a couple hours.