Hey guys, I'm going to be performing at the University of Illinois next Fall and I'm afraid I won't be able to relate to the college students like I use to, so here are some lines I'm thinking about using:
1) "so.... whose been the STD clinic yet" ??
2) "I'm old enough to be your college professor.."
3) "does anyone know where I can get some good weed" ?
4) "you're paying how much for you college education, 100 Grand is a lot to learn about some plants"
5) "excue me while I snort this"
6) "I use the date the President of your school and when I say date, I mean we had sex in the bathroom"
7) "ladies, when I was in college I use to flush my pads down the toilet too"
8) "college is supposed to be best time of you life, thats why most of you will be too drunk to remember it"
9) "dating your professor is a bad idea, stick with the maintence crew, they're less hassle"
10) "half of you are gay and don't know it yet"