Monday, September 1, 2014

Why I love Straight Men

I think the reason why I don't prefer dating Gay men is because I have a zero tolerance for attitude and also, Gay men are too hypersensitive.  I think Gay men make great friends but thats it.

This past Fall, this psychic predicted that I would meet someone this Fall and she was absolutely right.

The only drawback, he turned out to be a chubby chaser and gay.  He's cute but the more and more I got to know him and found out how promiscuous he is, I was like, "oh fuck, this guy could give me AIDS if I'm not careful" ...

The last time we hung out I flat out told him, "we're not going to have sex" .

And he was like, "why not" ?

I just made up some bullshit excuse like, "I really think its a good idea if we don't hook up because we're both train wrecks ...." , but really in the back of my mind I was thinking, "I really don't want him leaving my herpes on my asshole" . 

Moving forward.

There are a couple cute straight men around me that I really like but again, they're straight.

It really sucks being a woman trapped in a mans body.  

Why can't these guys see my spiritual vagina?  Its there, its warm, comforting, aged, smooth and just waiting for them to park their cars in my driveway, my driveway behind the house that is.

Speaking of psychics, when I was 19, I got a professional reading and she said the reason why I'm gay is because I'm mastering manhood.  

The biggest lesson I learned about being a man came from dealing with Lesbians.

When I was younger I never understood why some Lesbians were so mean and acted like complete dicks.  So one day I got tired of it and said, "hey, if you're trying to emulate a dude, they're not all complete dicks, you'd know that if you'd ever met a nice one"  .

And that right there is why I'm a delusional bitch.


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